


How To Get A Successful Date With Zoe Murphy

by Destiny_falls_etos



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: 'Cause God knows we need more of this, ALL THE FLUFF, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety, Bisexual Evan, Bisexual Jared, But they all have issues, Depression, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Galaxy Gals, Gay Connor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jared is the world's best wingman, Light-Hearted, M/M, References to the Novel, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Treebros, because why not?, bisexual zoe, but also angst, but not officially until a while, everyone's trying, g a y, it's an Alana fic y'all!, lesbian Alana, no one is straight, they're trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2019-10-02 17:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 43,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17268056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiny_falls_etos/pseuds/Destiny_falls_etos
Summary: Alana Beck wouldn't have considered herself a shy person.But when Zoe Murphy came tumbling into her life, she suddenly found herself at a loss for words, constantly nervous, and blushing like a schoolgirl.So she devises a plan, in a hopeful attempt to be able to win Zoe Murphy's heart:The logical way, of course.(Discontinued.Please don't read this. It's old and it doesn't hold up well)





	1. The Realisation

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my God! Hello everyone! This is the author of this fic. And... Yeah, I have no idea what I'm doing.  
> I've noticed recently that there's not a lot of galaxy gals fics out there, and as soon as I saw that, I got right onto making this.  
> It's also the first real fanfiction I've ever actually... Wrote? I usually just stick to one-shots after all, so please go easy on me!  
> Constructive Criticism is always welcome though!  
> (And warning, a lot of self-projection up ahead!)  
> So... Enjoy!

Alana Beck, was by most people's standards: confident.

She always spoke with a bright grin on her face, regardless of whether she was happy or sad, she spoke to the first person that was in her field of vision, and she typically never felt shy around anyone.

(Though, there was quite a difference between being shy, and being anxious, but she wouldn't press on that. If she ignored it for long enough, the feeling would dissolve.)

In Alana's eyes, there wasn't any need for shyness. She understood that it was a normal human emotion, and that everyone was different, but she couldn't understand it. When she was in another person's company, she always felt the urge to make herself present, and known. Even if the person expressed annoyance to her attempts, she'd simply ignore them, though it slightly stung, it didn't bring down her cheery persona in any way, in fact, it increased her need to make herself known.

So she didn't understand _why_ she felt so timid around Zoe Murphy.

Zoe Murphy, who was her best friend. Zoe Murphy, who could brighten anyone's day with a smile. Zoe Murphy, who had the most pretty eyes, which were hazel and bright and beautiful.

Alana didn't understand it. It made her blood boil, she was supposed to understand what it meant, why Zoe's laugh made her _melt_ just by the mere sound of it, but she couldn't. She was supposed to be one of the smartest people in school, she had dark creases under her eyes from endless sleepless nights to prove it.

And she would never dream of asking anyone else about it. It was too humiliating, in her experience. She knew that Evan would be understanding, but something told her that he'd be just as clueless as her. She didn't know Connor well enough to really ask him about this kind of thing. And Jared would most definitely make some crude remark that would make Alana want to hurl herself into her locker and never come out.

And she most definitely would not ask Zoe about it.

She shivered at the thought.

So she suppressed it, if she didn't think about it, it would go away... Right?

But it didn't, in fact, the feeling seemed to grow. Soon, she felt overly excited just at the mention of Zoe, and it only increased her anger, she had no idea how to make these feelings disappear, but she didn't want them to. It made no sense, there was no logic behind it at all.

It made her want to scream.

But that would've been impractical, so she just resorted to pushing it to the back of her mind.

And that's when she found herself in the library one day. She'd already completed her homework, so now she was just doing some studying, (she could never be too prepared after all) while Jared sat next to her, eating a bag of Doritos obnoxiously, despite her initial protests that it was against the rules to eat in the library, though, she'd given up after she realised that he wasn't going to change his mind.

"All I'm saying is that I deserved that A! Mr. Calmory just doesn't know humour when he sees it." Jared whined, slumping back in his chair.

Alana didn't take her eyes off her book. "Jared, you wrote an essay on why breaking bad is a cinematic masterpiece, I'd hardly say that it deserved an A." She stated, flipping the page delicately, as to make no creases within them.

"Excuse you? It was a brilliant idea!" He protested, putting his hand into the packet and taking out a Dorito, popping it in his mouth with a particularly loud crunch.

"It definitely wasn't brilliant. If it was, then you would have gotten an A." Alana told him.

"Like I said before, Mr. Calmory doesn't see my hidden talent!" Jared protested.

Alana sighed, rolling her eyes. It wasn't that she didn't like Jared, he was her friend, (a term that was still foreign to her) but sometimes, he could be really immature, even more so than he usually was.

She carried on reading, adjusting her glasses carefully and squinting down at the page.

That is until she felt a foreign presence sit beside her. The hairs on her neck stood up as the scent of strawberry and vanilla shampoo invaded her nostrils.

"Hey guys!" Zoe chirped, stealing a Dorito from Jared's bag, ignoring his protests.

"Hey! That's mine! Get your own, Murphy." Jared glared at her, clearly offended.

Zoe only smiled in response, tucking a stray lock of her behind her ear and- _oh._

Alana looked back down at her book, though she couldn't register anything else on the page, with the taller girl's lovely smelling hair swinging next to her, and if she just reached out, she could touch it and feel how soft it was.

The shorter girl blushed at the thought.

Her blush deepened when Zoe leaned her head against her shoulder, looking down boredly at the words on her page. "What'cha reading?" She said quietly.

Alana ignored the weird feeling in her stomach and answered with a strained smile. "Just studying!"

Zoe laughed, and oh God, that laugh. "No surprise there."

"Ugh, homos." Jared muttered, and Alana looked at him with wide eyes.

"Jared! That's- how could you say something so absurd! I-"

Zoe's giggling cut her off. "Relax, 'Lana, he was only joking."

Jared furrowed his brows. "I was?"

Zoe narrowed her yes. "Yes, you were."

Jared stared at her, puzzled, before shrugging and eating another Dorito.

Alana took a deep breath, trying to concentrate, but with Zoe's weight against her shoulder, it was proving to be a difficult task.

Why was she feeling so nervous? Granted, nervousness wasn't a foreign feeling to her, but it still made her slightly unsettled, especially since she shouldn't have been feeling nervous around her best friend.

It was unnerving actually. Alana couldn't decide whether she wanted Zoe to get off, or to stay. She made the bold decision to clear her throat, bending under the table to retrieve her backpack, effectively moving Zoe's head off her shoulder. She then placed the bag on the table, shoving the book inside and standing up, smiling a little too widely.

"I've got to go! I promised Ms. Sawyer that I'd volunteer as a reading buddy!" She said, swinging her bag over her shoulders. She'd made no such promise, how could she? Her schedule was already filled enough as it was, aside with the fact that Ms. Sawyer had made it abundantly clear that Alana couldn't sign up for anything else that term, unless she dropped one of her other extracurricular activities, which she was _not_ willing to do.

But Zoe and Jared didn't need to know that.

Zoe frowned, leaning back in her chair. "Okay, bye 'Lana!"

Jared grinned. "The next time I see you and your girlfriend, I'll make sure to give you two alone ti- OW!"

Zoe smiled innocently, stealing another Dorito as the short boy rubbed the back of his head, glaring at her.

Alana smiled in amusement, practically skipping out of the library. As soon as she closed the door, she felt the urge to walk back in there again, but pressed against it.

Maybe Connor and Evan would let her sit with them?

She grinned at the thought, she had plenty of time to find them! Especially with how fast she walked.

She found them in the computer lab, they hadn't noticed she was there yet, and they were just both quietly sitting on the floor, Connor's head resting on Evan's shoulder as they both looked at whatever the blonde was holding on his phone.

The scene reminded her of something...

She couldn't think what.

She cleared her throat. "Hello!"

They both jumped, their eyes wide as they both scrambled away from eachother. Alana only smiled, oblivious to whatever had been going on previously.

As the three talked through the rest of the lunch hour, (in other words, Alana talked, while the other two listened) Alana certainly didn't notice the occasional side glances that the guys would throw at eachother, or how their hands would inch closer and closer together with each passing minute.

At the end of the day, Alana waited in the library for Zoe, who had jazz band practice. The short girl found herself reading that same textbook she had been reading at lunch, only now she wasn't distracted by Jared's piercing voice or Zoe's strawberry and vanilla shampoo scented hair.

"Hey, where's your girlfriend?" Alana jumped at the sudden voice, she turned to see Jared, standing there, looking like he'd rather be doing _anything_ else, and she furrowed her brows.

"My girlfriend...?"

Jared rolled his eyes. "Smaller Murphy."

Alana inhaled sharply, shutting her book. "Zoe isn't my girlfriend Jared."

"But you want her to be~" he grinned, plopping down in the seat next to her.

"Is there any particular reason _why_ you're still here, Jared?" Alana asked with feigned politeness.

Jared's grin only widened, _oh no._ "You're trying to change the topic, that proves it."

Alana shook her head violently. "I do not want Zoe to be my girlfriend, Jared!"

He gave her finger guns, nodding slowly. "Suuure." He drawled out slyly. "I guess that could explain _why_ you practically melted when she put her head on your shoulder today." He smiled coyly, resting his elbow on the table and leaning his head in his hand.

Alana's eyes widened. "I did no such thing!"

Jared laughed. "Hey, I'm not one to judge, just keep your severe homosexuality away from me, okay?"

"Jared, you're literally queer..."

He placed his finger on her lips, she cringed when the taste of Doritos cut through her taste buds. "Shhhh, nobody needs to know."

"But everyone who talks to you know that-"

"Point is!" He interrupted her. "You like smaller Murphy, and you're in hardcore denial." He smirked, patting her cheek as if she were a toddler. "And that's why it's my job, to be your wingman!"

Alana stared at him in horror. She wasn't sure what was worse, the realisation that she liked Zoe, or that fact that Jared Kleinman just said that he was going to be her wingman.

And oh God, she liked Zoe.

It all made sense to her suddenly, the butterflies that would form in her stomach whenever Zoe ever so much as looked in her direction, the way she'd just (as Jared liked to put it) melt whenever Zoe touched her, how she'd always find herself missing the taller girl three minutes after separating from her.

It fell down upon her like a rainfall of bricks.

She felt so _stupid,_ how could she have not realised it sooner? It made her want to slam her head against the table. It was honestly embarrassing to think that Jared of all people knew about her crush before she'd even considered it as a possibility.

Especially when she was supposed to be the smart one.

And it was pretty childish to think about. Crushes were silly things meant for children who didn't know any better than to fit into some stereotypical position that their friends had enforced, where they apparently _had_ to have a crush, otherwise they were "weird".

Alana Beck was in no way "childish", she had many awards and trophies from various competitions to prove it, so why was she crushing so hard on Zoe?

There was no logic to it.

"Jared, don't be so immature! Even if I _did_ like Zoe- which I don't, I would never ask you to be my 'wingman'." She grumbled, just because she had a crush, it didn't mean that she had to admit to it.

Jared shrugged. "Your loss, Beck. But don't think you're fooling me, I know a crush when I see one. You look at Zoe the same way that Connor looks at Evan."

Alana stared at him in confusion. What did that- _oh, OH..._

This day was just full of surprises, Alana decided, still not sure how to process all of that new information.

Jared seemed to notice her shock too, laughing loudly, despite the Librarian's fierce glare.

For the second time that day, Zoe walked in on them both at a very unusual time. "What's so funny?" She asked innocently, gripping the straps of her bag tightly.

Once Jared saw her, he burst into several more waves of laughter, and the brunette girl looked at him uncomfortably, "okay..." She drawled out, looking at Alana with a soft smile. "You ready to go?"

The shorter girl nodded, throwing Jared a dirty look before grabbing her own bag, and walking out with Zoe.

She had no idea whether to hate or love him at that very moment (platonically), but she had to at least thank his dirty mind for helping her discover what had been bothering her for the last couple of weeks.

Now, all she had to do was to try and resolve it.


	2. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana does a lot of thinking. Questions are asked, many questions, regarding crushes, and other stuff- but mainly crushes. And a decision is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up for this chapter, it's quite descriptive!

Alana couldn't focus, which wasn't anything new, contrary to popular belief, she didn't always stay on task. Many thoughts and feelings ran through her mind at once and it was difficult to process it all. Basically: if it existed, she'd definitely already thought about it.

She did have the decency to know that it wasn't normal, by any person's standard. The fact that she was always so afraid of being forgotten, or failing at mostly anything. It was okay though, Alana held herself together quite nicely in her own eyes.

But the reason she couldn't focus wasn't because of her daily dose of less-than-pleasant thoughts, surprisingly. It was because of her crush.

Ugh, crush. It was such a childish and silly word, she refused to call it a crush. Infatuation, maybe? No, her feelings for Zoe had gone on for too long for her to think of it as infatuation, and she would most certainly not call it love.

So... Maybe she'd just have to stick with crush, for now, until she had time to find a better word.

She looked down at her sheet of paper, which was blank. She almost groaned in frustration, she'd been too caught up in her own head that she hadn't even bothered to get her homework done. Though it wasn't anything difficult, in fact, it was pretty easy. But of course, Alana had to take a small worksheet and make a full blown essay out of it, though she was feeling pretty tired from today, she wouldn't allow herself to get any rest until she was finished.

So she started writing.

And writing.

And writing, until her wrist felt sore, and the words all meshed together in one blurry image, she rubbed her eyes, stretching her arms above her head and she looked at the time.

 _6:23_ , she stood up, reminding herself that she needed to babysit her neighbour's two spoilt brats when the clock turned seven. Alana hadn't wanted to do it, of course not, but she felt the need to. The nagging voice in her head would've scolded her for being lazy, and worthless if she didn't accept, and Alana wasn't any of those things.

She still had some time to spare though, so she hummed, tapping her pen against her chin rhythmically as she sat down on her bed. She enjoyed the feeling of the cool, soft sheets on her bare legs, especially since they were sticky and sweaty from sitting at her desk for too long.

She crawled across her bed, making a mental note to fix the sheets later, and opened her bedside drawer, taking out another sheet of paper, with an old book to lean against as she drew on it.

Alana stuck her tongue out in concentration as she drew a very un-neat line down the side of the blank page.

She was so invested with her activity, that she almost didn't notice her phone going off.

She snapped her head up, placing the sheet to the side of her bed, as she leaned over her covers once more to reach her bedside table, where the singing device was laid.

She took it in her palm, squinting down at the caller ID before taking a deep breath, mentally preparing herself before smiling brightly, answering the call button, and saying with as much cheeriness as she could muster. "Hi Evan!"

Some shuffling was heard on the other side of the line. "Uh- hey Alana."

Alana would've never admitted it, but it did kind of make her unsettled from how little she talked to Evan. The person she talked to less than Evan was Connor, so it was still a new experience for her to be talking with him alone.

"So, what's up?" She asked, crossing her legs, and looking down at the sheet, frowning slightly.

"Well- you know that english project that we have together?" She can practically hear nervousness laced into his words.

She hums, nodding her head on instinct. "Mhmmm, what about it?"

Some more shuffling. "Well, I- ummm, wanted to know when we're meeting up for that?" Alana blinked, she was sure that they had set an appropriate time when to work on it, or maybe Evan had just forgotten about it. That was fine.

"Saturday! At the library at three o'clock. Is that okay still?"

"Yeah, it's... Fine!"

Alana huffed. "Is that all?"

"Well- no, because I kinda wanted to call you about something different? I just didn't know how to start it?" He laughed awkwardly from the other side, and the girl had to fight the urge to cringe.

"Oh, well what did you want to call me about?" She asked.

"Well, I kinda wanted to ask you something?"

Alana grinned, she knew how to deal with questions. "What is it?"

"Well, if- if someone holds your hand, and um, calls you cute, does that _mean_ anything?"

_What._

Why was Evan asking _her_ about this? Had he caught onto her crush? It didn't make sense at all. But then again, the boy did sound embarrassed by it, that still didn't explain why he was asking her of all people about it.

"Well, I guess it depends on the context?" Alana bit her lip, wow, she really did have no experience with romance. "Why are you asking?"

"Oh- no reason!" He was so obviously lying.

"And no offense, but wouldn't you rather call Jared or Connor about this?" She asked, frowning.

It was silent for precisely one minute, before Evan answered. "I just wanted to talk with you more? Get your advice?"

Oh wow. It was honestly quite flattering to hear in all honesty, it made her feel like a normal teenager, discussing romance with an actual _friend._

With that thought in mind, Alana felt a small grin stretch across her face. "Why? Do you perhaps like someone?"

A sharp intake of breath later, and Evan practically screamed into the phone. "OhlookatthetimeIgottagonow!" Before hanging up.

Alana stared down at the small device, she didn't know whether she should've felt bad or amused. She certainly wasn't one who was supposed to be judging, with her own conflicting feelings with Zoe.

Though, it still was a little random for him to call her out of the blue, she wasn't complaining though. From the three minutes of talking they did, it made Alana feel warm, and content.

And it also gave her the weird thought, _who_ excactly did Evan like?

It wasn't any of her business, but Alana was a naturally nosy person, she would've admitted that to herself. And it made her wonder, was it someone close to him? Was it a girl? Had he talked to them?

She knew she shouldn't, but she made a mental note to ask him about it sometime.

And honestly, who was Alana to judge? She was crushing on Zoe Murphy, and it wasn't an uncommon thing, many people liked Zoe of course, but many wouldn't think that Zoe would be Alana's "type" either.

She grabbed the sheet of paper once again, clicking her pen a few times, trying to figure out what to write, before scribbling on the page to her heart's content. The smooth, snowy base was soon covered in words, and Alana grinned as she held up the paper.

_Thank you, Evan Hansen, for giving me a couple ideas for my new project._

On top of the paper, big bold letters were littered across it, saying very clearly: _How to_ _get a successful date with Zoe Murphy._

Or in short: _HTGASDWZM_.

Alana scrunched up her nose, the latter sounded much better.

The girl flinched when she felt something nudge her, and she turned to see a spotted lion head rabbit looking up at her with large eyes.

She sighed, stroking the free-roam bunny. "Hi Spots." She whispered, looking down at the rabbit with significantly softer eyes.

Her dads had gotten the rabbit for her as a birthday gift. Though she'd hated the rabbit at first, from the messes she made around the house, she'd grown to warm up to her. Apparently, they wanted to get Alana something that could help "calm her" whenever she was feeling stressed.

She'd never admitted to actually enjoying the rabbit's company.

Spots' nose twitched as she tilted her head, looking down at the sheet of paper and back up at Alana.

"It's a new project I'm working on, see?" She held the paper out to her rabbit. She sniffed it slightly before leaning forward to chew on it. Alana pulled the paper back in record time and laughed, she loved her bunny.

The girl uncapped a green marker that had been laying on her desk, and drew a lime coloured bubble around the title, using her free hand to stroke in between Spots' ears.

"Are you doing okay, baby? I got your favourite honey sticks out of the market, just how you like." Was it normal to talk to her rabbit like she was a person? Alana had no idea, it did give her someone to pent out her frustrations to, even if the rabbit would never offer anything back.

When she finished drawing the bubble, she turned her full attention to the lion head, stroking the soft tuft of fur placed on the rabbit's cheek. It was remarkable actually, how Spots used to be terrified of Alana, how she'd scurry to the back of her cage whenever the perky girl so much as talked.

Well, one thing that had certainly changed was that Alana had thrown out the cage, after learning that the space was too confined for her bunny while doing some research about it online. That had been one step closer to getting the rabbit's trust, but it did prove to be more difficult, having a free roam bunny who'd still run away from her.

Over the months though, they both started to develop love, it wasn't even scientific, it just came naturally. Alana would sit at her desk, and the bunny would hop in and sniff around, occasionally even nudge the short girl's leg before hopping off.

And it only grew after that.

One plus side to having a pet, was that Alana could spill her heart out to Spots, and she'd know that the rabbit wouldn't tell a soul, she guessed that's what made it so easy. A few months back, the idea of talking to the rabbit would've seemed ludicrous, but it just started happening, whenever Alana felt alone (which wasn't a rare feeling), Spots would just happen to hop on her bed, and who else could she have talked to? No one at school would've believed her for a second, but Spots didn't have to believe Alana to make her feel better.

Okay, maybe she saw _why_ her dads had gotten her the rabbit after all.

As the girl was stroking the spotted lion head, it didn't take long for her thoughts to drift back to a certain brunette. Many different fantasies clouded her mind, one in particular included ballroom dancing with Zoe, which, as corny as it was, made a soft blush spread across her face. Alana in a purple ball gown, Zoe in an indigo mermaid dress (which just seemed like Zoe), twirling eachother across the floor as if they were in some old Disney movie.

It wasn't bad, having a "crush" on Zoe. Alana knew perfectly well that she was a lesbian, and she wasn't ashamed of that at all, she'd done all of her questioning sophomore year, when she somehow couldn't stop staring at other girl's legs in gym class. But liking Zoe could cause many possible difficulties, and there was always the question, what if Zoe didn't like her back?

Well, Alana had already started working on sorting that out, so she didn't have much to worry about there, she just _hoped_ that Zoe wasn't straight.

That would cause a lot of issues.

It was quite peculiar that they'd never talked about it either. They usually talked about everything together- as girls do, well, stereotypical girls anyway.

Alana and Zoe weren't stereotypical girls though.

They didn't spend their sleepovers having pillow fights, they didn't paint each other's nails and do each other's hair while talking about cute boys, they didn't screech like enraged cats when they heard about the latest boy band "breaking up".

Alana didn't know whether that was just because it applied to her- she hadn't seen how Zoe acted with her other friends. She'd seen them laugh in the hallways, and joke around, but she hadn't actually known what they talked about.

Then again, that was before they'd both started talking, that time that Zoe had come up to her after an assembly she did about raising awareness about mental health (which everyone had pretty much forgotten about the day after), telling her how good she was for it.

"Seriously, I would _never_ be able to do that." Zoe had said with a quirky smile, making dramatic hand gestures.

"Don't you perform in the jazz band?" Alana questioned, tilting her head. "Don't you have to do that whenever there's a performance?"

Zoe nodded. "I do, but I dunno, there's a difference, I guess? Like, it sounds weird, but I get a huge rush of adrenaline when I'm on stage, and I'm not focusing on the crowd, but on my guitar." She stared off into the distance, as if she was thinking hard. "If I'm speaking publicly, I'm pretty much forced to look at the crowd." She laughed awkwardly which made Alana look at her fondly.

 _Wow._ If only she was that open about her feelings with people.

"That makes sense!" Alana grinned enthusiastically. "What did you say your name was? Chloe?"

She watched as Zoe's smile dropped, and a metaphorical raincloud washed over her entire body. Her eyes that were gleaming with happiness suddenly lost their light, and her shoulders slumped.

Oh, fuck.

"No... It's Zoe, my name's Zoe." Her smile returned, but it wasn't right. It was too plastic, too fake. Alana knew that smile well, it was her most used facial expression after all. She'd spent hours trying to perfect it in the mirror to make the expression seem more genuine, as if she was an actress, to the point where it did seem real.

But Zoe clearly didn't have experience with it as much as Alana. Or maybe she did, but she wasn't as dedicated to the act, because Alana had seen the expression on Zoe's face quite a few times in the past.

It made guilt wash over her as her heart dropped. She knew what excactly it was like to be forgotten, unnoticed, invisible. Maybe that's what made her say her next words, because as Zoe stood there, shifting from one foot to another, Alana could see her. Well, of course she saw her, but it was as if something in the girl clicked, and Alana knew that Zoe Murphy was struggling. As poetic and cheesy it sounded, it made sense. And it made her relate to the suddenly _very_ interesting girl.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that. Well, _Zoe,_ as payment for forgetting your name, would you like to hang out sometime?" Did that sound casual enough? Alana hoped so, she wanted to make a good first impression to the brunette. Maybe it was because this was her chance, her chance to finally make a friend.

This was what her dads had been telling her to do for months. Make. Friends. As if she was a kid entering kindergarten, and she was still clinging to her parent's legs, refusing to let go.

It was pathetic on Alana's part.

That was another reason why she didn't want to mess up the only chance she would get at having a friend. It was embarrassing to go home everyday, and have to see her dad's faces drop whenever she referred to anyone as an "acquaintance".

And although it sounded like she had no trouble saying the sentence, she literally had to force the words out as anxiety clawed itsway through her veins. Her whole body visibly tensed up, and she found her breath hitching as she awaited for the younger girl's reply.

What was taking Zoe so long? Why had time suddenly slowed down? Was she shaking? What did she look like? Did she have something on her face? Why was Zoe staring at her like that? Oh God, this was a mistake, Zoe would probably say no and Alana would go on to die alone because no one would want to be her friend, and everyone would be stuck as her acquaintance. The word echoed across her mind. _Alonealonealonealo_ _-_

"I'd love to."

Alana stared at her. "What?"

Zoe didn't miss a beat. "Hang out with you- I'd love to."

Alana smiled in relief.

And their friendship only progressed after that.

And now the next step was romance. Which Alana had absolutely zero experience in, just like friendship, believe it or not. But she'd made it this far without messing everything up with Zoe, so maybe friendship would work fine, right?

She raked her fingers through Spots' fur, relishing in the softness of it, and looked back down at the sheet in determination.

Mission _"how to get a successful date with Zoe Murphy"_ was in pursuit.

Now all she had to do was not ruin anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody!  
> Fun fact! The character (is it a character if it's an animal? I'm uneducated) Spots was actually created by my friend and I in an RP-turned-story that we did!  
> Her username is 'JustAnAnxiousKid' because damn if I'm not going to give credit where credit is due.  
> And yes, I brought in a side plot with Evan and his own crush. Who could it be? ;)  
> (I'm sorry, I couldn't resist!)  
> And don't worry, next chapter will contain the actual fun stuff! As kinky as that sounds. I promise this fic won't just be all of Alana's thoughts, as much as I love writing about that.
> 
> Anyways, until next time readers!
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	3. Step One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm back, and I've sorted out a proper schedule! (Thankfully) so updates won't be unexpected!  
> I've decided that Tuesdays are my posting days, that sounds so dorky, but bear with me! And I don't know why, I don't even like Tuesdays. Oh well.  
> Anyways, enjoy!

_Step one: become more touchy._

Now, Alana wouldn't have considered herself touch-starved. She wasn't opposed to another person's touch, but she wasn't against it. She was just neutral about it. If someone had done something nice for her, like gotten her a gift, she would have hugged them, because that was acceptable.

So she wanted to actually scream when her nerves were going crazy at the thought of holding Zoe's hand.

God, this was ridiculous! She was literally acting like an eleven year old, and she was almost eighteen. It was normal to hold someone's hand.

She didn't have to worry about anything. Zoe was a person who never thought that much about touch, if she wanted to randomly hug someone, she would've done it.

Currently, everyone was crowding around Evan's locker, just chatting about some foreign topic that Alana wasn't listening to. She was too busy staring at Zoe's hand.

It looked soft, and her nails were painted monochromatically. In many different shades of purple that made her fingers look so much paler than they actually were. They were currently resting on her hips and oh God Zoe had beautiful hips and Alana shouldn't have been looking.

Nope, hands now. Hips later.

If only Jared could have read her thoughts, he would've made every dirty joke in the book, and he still wouldn't have been satisfied.

"Well what do you think Alana?"

Oh crap. Everyone's eyes were on her, and she had no idea what they were talking about.

This was out of character for her, she definitely would have admitted. Damn Zoe and her beautiful hands for making her seem like a fumbling mess.

"Pardon, could you repeat that?" She asked politely, choosing to ignore Jared's snort.

"Alana Beck, losing track of a conversation? I don't believe it!" The shorter girl would've hit him over the head if she were any closer. Then again, probably not, Alana was too polite for that.

She almost laughed at the thought. Her, polite? There was no way. But that's what everyone who even spared her a second glance thought of her, and the fact that her backpack could "knock over Godzilla from how big it is".

Alana never got that joke, she liked her backpack to be big, so it could hold all of her necessary school supplies in. She seemed to be the only senior who actually bothered to bring a pencil to class though, so what did it matter if she somehow forgot to buy a compass?

A lot. She had panicked so much about not having a compass that she got off the bus immediately and waited a whole twenty minutes in the rain just so she could go back to the store and buy one.

It was still sitting in her backpack. She'd completely forgotten that the school handed out compasses, and she always had something else on her mind that the thought of digging through her backpack, as if it was the bag out of Mary Poppins just slipped her mind.

Zoe rolled her eyes, but held her grin. "I asked what you thought about my solo."

Her solo. How could Alana forget it? Zoe had been ecstatic when she had it offered to her in jazz band. She called Alana, and the first thing that the shorter girl had first heard when she picked up the phone was: "eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE."

And people thought that _she_ was loud, they clearly hadn't heard Zoe Murphy when she was excited.

The actual solo itself couldn't have been considered extraordinary. Alana thought it was appalling how the jazz band had a lot of talented people on it, such as Zoe, but they made the kids do performances that only showed a quarter of their full potential.

Alas, Zoe still looked beautiful. The centre of the stage, she looked slightly nervous, yet thrilled. She propped her guitar up and strummed a few chords, before meeting Alana's eyes.

And she thought she would faint right there, Zoe winked at her, and turned her attention back to her guitar.

There was a certain way that Zoe got when she played, Alana liked to call it the "Zoe stance", it was basically where the taller girl would have all of her attention focused on her guitar. She didn't look at the audience, but down at the instrument as if it was the most precious object in the word. She would have that half-smile on her face, that meant, "I wanna seem chill, but I'm actually ecstatic and don't wanna show it".

Zoe Murphy was a dork, but she was Alana's dork. And she couldn't have asked for more.

So Alana completely regretted her words after saying. "It was amazing! Just like you." She wanted to slap herself right then and there.

She looked over at everyone's faces briefly. Jared was grinning, of course he was, Evan just looked between the two in confusion, and Connor stared straight at Alana. His eyes were so sharp she thought that he could cut someone with them. She took a deep breath and looked back at Zoe.

She had a light flush on her cheeks, but her smile seemed to widen even more. The constellation of freckles on her nose and cheeks glowed with happiness, and a bit of her teeth showed through her slightly opened mouth.

"Thanks 'Lana." That nickname. If it was any other person, Alana would have corrected them as soon as they'd said it, but when Zoe said it, it made her heart flutter.

Stupid emotions.

Later that day, Alana and Evan were the first ones at the cafeteria. He seemed to be waiting for someone, this was the perfect time to ask him.

"Who do you have a crush on?" Alana Beck wasn't known for being subtle.

Evan seemed to jump three feet in the air, looking at her with wide eyes. "I don't have a crush on anyone!" He said defensively. Meaning it came out more as, "Idon'thaveacrushonanyone!"

He was a terrible liar.

"Then why did you ask me those questions last night? You wouldn't have asked if you _didn't_ have a crush on someone." This best had been worth it, Evan looked liked he was about to faint.

Alana honestly didn't know why she was so curious. Sure, she could have blamed it on her wanting to know everything. But there was this underlying feeling of dread that had pooled into her stomach as she awaited her answer.

He was about to open his mouth to answer again, until a voice rang out, "hi guys."

It was Zoe.

Alana noticed how a bright smile stretched across his face and how his posture relaxed at her appearance. "H- hey Zoe!"

The feeling of dread worsened as Alana forced herself to swallow down a mouthful of her tasteless salad.

When the other two joined, chatter broke out across the table. And though Alana was pitching in this time, she still couldn't get her goal out of her mind.

_Become. More. Touchy._

The shorter girl slowly moved her hands from her lap to the table, resting her arms against it as she tried to focus on her task and the conversation.

"-so then Evan's standing there, looking constipated as fuck-"

_Not close enough._

"Jared! I was not!"

_Just a little further._

"-While I start making conversation with the girl, and she's _so_ into it."

_Almost there..._

"You- you started talking to her about fifty shades of grey! She looked terrified."

_Got i-_

"You talked to her. About a crappy sex novel." Zoe deadpanned, moving her hands away from the table to make a gesture that said: _"_ _really_ _?_ _"_

Alana wanted to bang her head against the table as she retracted her hand hastily.

"Evan said to, don't blame me!" Jared laughed, and Evan sputtered, clearly mortified.

"I said no such thing!"

"Why are we talking about this again?" Connor asked boredly, looking at all of them with a blank stare.

Zoe opened her mouth to respond, but shut it again, and said with furrowed brows. "Why _are_ we talking about this actually?"

"Well, because we were all talking about prom, and Jared kept saying how he could 'score' a date with anyone in the school, so we started doubting him, and then he started talking about how he successfully got this girl's number at the gym." Alana said in one breath, recounting over the conversation carefully, and trying to not let her disappointment show.

"He still didn't get her number." Evan mumbled under his breath, and Connor grinned slightly.

"Yeah, I don't find that hard to believe."

Jared gasped. "I am wounded! My techniques are brilliant, excuse you."

Alana sighed, pushing a squishy tomato around the tub of salad absentmindedly. "Jared, telling a girl that her boobs look amazing when she's on the treadmill, Isn't what I'd call brilliant technique..." She wanted to vomit at her own words.

"Oh, like you could do any better, Beck." He crossed his arms, glaring at her, but there was a slight gleam to his eye that she knew she shouldn't have challenged.

But she did anyway, she wasn't letting her pride get hurt so easily. "I definitely could." She stopped short, before adding in.  "...Kleinman." She heard Connor let out a chuckle, but kept staring intensely at Jared. She honestly had no idea what she was doing, but it made her feel excited.

"Prove it."

Alana's face dropped, oh shit. "What do you mean, 'prove it'?"

"Get any guy's number in this cafeteria." Alana frowned, looking around the room. It of course didn't have to mean anything, but it definitely made her stomach twist into knots.

When she wanted everyone to know her, she didn't mean romantically. It would have been rude to get someone's number and not even have the intention to call them.

Besides, she knew nothing about flirting. She wasn't excactly the "romantic" type after all, she didn't look the part. And did she mention that she was very, very gay?

She shook her head. "I'm not going to do that, Jared."

Jared raised an eyebrow. "Why? Scared?"

Alana narrowed her eyes. "No, in fact, I just don't want to."

Zoe frowned. "Alana, if you're scared, we won't-"

"I'm not scared!" She said hastily, and everyone on the table shared a look with eachother.

Alana took a deep breath. "All I'm saying, is that it's immature to flirt with someone that I don't intend to see ever again."

Jared winked. "You never know~"

The short girl glared at him, was he testing her or something? Because he didn't seem ashamed to point out her blatant "crush" on Zoe the other day.

Zoe huffed, rubbing Alana's arm. "It's okay, 'Lana, you don't have to do it." She smiled at her gently, and the raven-haired girl felt her heart melt. Another part of her deflated though, that was the repressed, adventurous side. The side that wanted to be daring, to impress Zoe and not seem so... Boring.

She looked around the table, since she was starting to find it increasingly harder to meet the brunette girl's gaze. Jared was giving her a challenging smirk, raising an eyebrow at her, Evan stared at her curiously, wondering whether she'd do it or not, and Connor looked plain bored, or, he was trying to look bored, but even he was interested in what she'd do.

She met Zoe's gaze again briefly.

Fuck it.

She slammed her hands down upon the table, getting up from her seat, and ignoring the shocked faces of all her friends.

She stood with her hands on her hips, scanning the cafeteria, until she found Sam's table. He was sitting alone, like he preferred, and Alana felt a nervous grin form on her lips.

Perfect.

She took off her denim jacket, exposing the top half of her striped yellow sundress, and took her hair out of her hair tie, watching as her braids fell down her back and shoulders.

She didn't bother to look back when she turned to march up to Sam's table. She would have probably broke down if she did. It was all too much, the sounds, the smells. She felt slightly dizzy, but her goal was right in front of her, and damn if she wasn't going to complete it.

A few minutes later, Alana slammed the thin, lined paper on the table with a victorious grin. Everyone leaned forward to look at it, shock evident on all of their faces.

"How the fuck were you able to do that?" Jared asked, his mouth agape. Alana held in the urge to giggle, he looked like a fish out of water.

"It was simple, Jared. Sam and I have a science project together, all I had to do was get his number for a study date." She said nonchalantly as she raked her hands through her braids, putting it back up in her ponytail and securing it. Alana didn't know why she decided to take her ponytail out, or her jacket, maybe it was because she wanted to surprise them.

Yeah, that was the reason. Definitely not because she wanted to seem _attractive_ to a certain someone. Definitely not.

Zoe burst out laughing, clapping her hands together clumsily. Alana's breath hitched as the thought came to mind: _I did that_. "That's amazing, oh my God."

Jared frowned. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

Connor chuckled, shaking his head. "Should've been more specific then, huh Kleinman?"

Jared threw a quick glare at the taller boy, earning a cocky grin in return.

"I mean, she did do what you said Jared." Evan said, trying to hold back laughter. _"Get any guy's number in the cafeteria."_

"Could've been worse." Zoe said. "She could've gotten one of you guys' numbers."

Alana shook her head, putting her jacket back on and sitting back down. "No, as much as I would've loved to have done that, I already have everyone's numbers."

"This is bullshit." Jared grumbled, looking down at his lunch as if it personally offended him.

"Don't be a sore loser, Jared." Evan said, picking up his sandwich and eating it blankly, clearly indifferent with it.

Jared gasped. "I feel attacked! Evan, what the fuck?"

Evan looked like a deer caught in the headlights as he dropped his sandwich. "What?"

"You've finally grown a backbone, I can't handle this. You're growing up." Jared used the collar of his shirt to pretend to dab his eyes.

"He's practically ascended into adulthood." Zoe laughed, making Evan duck his head and flush, smiling slightly.

Suddenly, Alana wasn't hungry anymore, and Zoe had went back to eating her lunch, so there was no chance of grabbing her hand. And she refused to rest her head on the taller girl's shoulder, especially while she was eating. She would never have lived that down.

Alana resisted the urge to groan and she stared down at her watery salad.

Yep, step one had definitely failed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I promised that it wouldn't all be Alana's thoughts, I'm not THAT boring.   
> So, anyways! Constructive Criticism is always welcome, I had to say this again because I have quite a challenge writing dialogue, as lame as that sounds, since I only really converse with my mum and my pets.  
> I'm a loser, okay?  
> But besides that, until next time!
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	4. Step Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's meant to be an exciting surprise quickly turns into a huge disaster. And Alana pretty much screws herself over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Today's chapter is kinda short, oops, sorry?  
> Don't worry though, the usual length will be back for next chapter though.  
> And... Enjoy, I guess!

_Step two: give her presents._

Alana stood outside the Murphy residence, a box of chocolates in her hand as she tried to control her breathing. _Strawberry delight_ the name on the cover said in loopy handwriting. Zoe's favourites.

Was Alana coming on too bold? Zoe had come to her house many times in the past with many different gifts. Jewelry, flowers, surprise takeout ("I'm literally _surviving_ in that house, 'Lana, I can't eat anything that's appetizing anymore. And I need greasy food." Zoe had told her one night) so chocolates shouldn't have been too weird.

Though, it was typically seen as a romantic gesture to give someone a box of chocolates. And although it was supposed to be romantic, Alana didn't want it to seem too romantic. It literally made no sense, but she bought them, and she wasn't going to back down now.

She knocked precisely three times, plastering her best smile on her face. As soon as her fist collided with the door, she immediately wanted to run all the way across town, into her home and hide under the covers, never coming out.

But she forced her feet to stay planted on the ground as Mrs. Murphy opened the door.

Surprise was evident on her features as a bright smile stretched across her face. "Oh! Alana, what a surprise!"

Now, Alana knew Mrs. Murphy quite well. From hours of Zoe complaining about her weird phases to actually seeing them up close, but she could never get over the intimidating factor of her. It was natural to be intimidated by your friend's parents, Alana had recognised, but it was quite rare for the girl to be intimidated. Hell, she was the one who intimidated others most of the time.

So it was a shock to see someone like Mrs. Murphy to be able to intimidate her. She would've at least expected someone like Connor to do that job, but he never really intimidated Alana. Sure, the rumours she heard about him were less than pleasant, but Alana never believed in such silly tales. That's usually what they started out as, anyways, before they spiralled out of control and everyone's perspective of the person regarding the rumour changed completely.

Alana had no idea why. Mrs. Murphy reminded her of herself in a way too. Maybe that's what it was.

"Hi Mrs. Murphy!" She replied with the same level of enthusiasm. She clutched the box significantly tighter.

"Oh, please, you know to call me Cynthia. What brings you-" she stopped upon realising what Alana held in her hands. A million different emotions flashed across her face before she looked back up at Alana. "Oh my goodness... I don't believe it."

Alana tensed up, feeling beads of sweat drop down her forehead. Please for the love of God no.

A huge grin broke out across Mrs. Murphy's face as she clasped her hands together. "Connor! Someone's at the door for you."

Alana's eyes widened.

What. The. Hell.

Some slight shifting was heard from upstairs before she heard footsteps. This couldn't be happening, where was Zoe when she needed her?

Suddenly, a pair of long legs were seen, and then a torso, and then she saw a mop of brown hair and she felt her heart hammer in her chest. Oh no no no-

She watched as his slight smile of excitement dissolved, and he looked at her in confusion and frustration. "Why are you here?"

"Connor, don't be rude!" Mrs. Murphy said, disappointment etched upon her face. "Alana has something for you."

She winced. With both of their eyes on her, she couldn't suddenly say that the chocolates were actually for Zoe, that would've been rude, and too embarrassing. She had yet to actually come out, and this wasn't the way she was going to do it, over her dead body.

That didn't mean that it wasn't already embarrassing though, to Connor and herself as she held up the box. It was only then how she noticed how tall he actually was. _Huh._ Or maybe she was just short... Definitely both.

He stared at it in disinterest. "The fuck?"

If only Alana had that type of careless attitude. She wouldn't constantly have an endless war in her head, and she'd feel one step closer to normal.

Mrs. Murphy's frown deepened. "Connor, this girl went out of her way to get this gift for you. The least you could do is thank her for it."

Alana thought that she was about to burst into flames. Connor grabbed the box hesitantly and looked down at her, squinting at her as if he was looking at an intense math problem. Alana smiled shakily. Okay, so maybe she did see how people could find him intimidating.

"Thanks." He said slowly.

Mrs. Murphy smiled approvingly. "I'll just leave you two kids to it." She nodded, and left, leaving the two teenagers standing there.

As soon as she was out of view, Alana wished that she'd come back. She felt her hands clam up and she scrunched her nose in disgust, grabbing a bottle of hand sanitizer from her dress pocket and squirting a transparent glob onto her hands, rubbing it onto them.

"Okay, what the fuck, Alana?" Connor asked, waving the box in front of her face. "What is _this?_ "

"Chocolates?" Alana muttered weakly. A bright blush burning on her cheeks.

He stared at her blankly. "And they're for me."

"That would be correct?" What was she doing? No they weren't! They were for the other Murphy, she was going to regret this badly.

He stared at her for a few more seconds, towering over her threateningly before sighing, his shoulders slumped. "Thanks then... I guess." He muttered. "If you wanna see Zoe, then she's at the mall, with Bee."

Alana felt her hands clench at the mention of her name. When Zoe and her had become friends, the first thing she did was introduce her to Bee, and she was nice enough, in a "I'm too cool to be seen with you" way.

Okay, so Alana wasn't very fond of Bee.

And... Well, it was too late now, she'd already humiliated herself, and maybe have given him false hope. She smiled regardless, nodding. "Thank you! And enjoy the chocolates!"

He rolled his eyes at her enthusiasm and slammed the door in her face, leaving her standing there.

Fuck.

Step two was off the list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, I just went there.  
> And disclaimer! The character Bee is from the DEH novel, although we don't see much of her, we do see enough to determine that she's Zoe's best friend. I should have done this disclaimer with Sam last chapter, so sorry if you felt confused!  
> And don't worry, we won't see too much of Bee.  
> I promise that you all will get your galaxy gals!  
> Or will you? ;)
> 
> Anyways! Constructive criticism is always welcome.  
> And until next chapter!
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	5. Step Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana tries to get a hold of herself. It doesn't work.

_Step_ _three_ _-_ _compliment her more._

After learning her very much needed lesson, Alana now texted Zoe when specifically she was going to come over. She should have known that from the beginning, it was awfully weird to show up to someone's house unannounced (despite Zoe doing it all the time to her, but that was acceptable), she wasn't planning on hanging out with Zoe though, just giving her the chocolates.

Besides, Zoe loved surprises. It would have been even more unexpected if she hadn't shown up announced.

But now, Connor thought that she "liked" him, she would have probably never looked at him the same way again. She made a conscious effort to avoid him in the halls.

But that still didn't mean that she didn't still see him in AP English, and when their group met up with eachother. Connor had most definitely told Evan, because the two of them had started staring at Alana whenever she was just standing there. Evan's gaze was curious and shocked, while Connor looked skeptical and cautious.

Jared wasn't helping either, when Alana told him, he burst out laughing. "How do you even fuck up _that_ badly?! They were only chocolates!"

Alana glared at him. "Keep your voice down! We're in the library." She hissed.

He didn't seem to notice what she said, because as soon as he looked at her again, he burst into more fits of laughter.

Alana groaned. "I don't know why I thought telling you would be any good."

"Because I'm the world's best wingman! And as the world's best wingman, I have to say, chocolates? Really?" He grinned in amusement, and she gave him the dirtiest look she could muster.

"Oh, well what do you suggest I do?" She spat, clearly frustrated.

"Just flatter the fuck out of her. If she has an ugly laugh, then tell her it's beautiful. Chicks love that." He nodded, leaning back.

"Did you just refer to girls as 'chicks'?" Alana said slowly.

Jared grinned. "That I did."

Alana was sure that her groan could be heard across the entire school.

But she did end up taking Jared's advice, whenever she saw Zoe, she started to throw more and more compliments in her direction. It was a bit awkward, but it was always worth it to see the light blush that dusted Zoe's cheeks after she said them.

It was just small things that the shorter girl had noticed about her.  
"Hey Zoe, your hair looks lovely today!"  
"I love that outfit on you!"  
"Your lips look really beautiful with that lipgloss, I wonder how they taste."

Okay, so Alana didn't say that last one. She thought of it though, which counted for something.

And although Evan did give her that half-curious look whenever he saw her, he didn't press on the subject of her and Connor, which made Alana feel even more terrible about the fact that she kept pressing on at him about his crush.

"Come on! Tell me, please." Alana whined. They were both walking to AP English, and she was currently jogging to catch up with Evan, who was walking suspiciously quicker than usual.

"I already told you! I don't have a crush on anyone." He said uncomfortably, clutching the straps of his backpack tightly.

Alana narrowed her eyes at him. "You're lying."

"How can you tell?" Evan frowned.

She smiled. "From the fact that you just confirmed it, and that you're nervous."

"I'm always nervous."

"Not true! The correct term is you're always anxious!" Alana smiled brightly. "Now tell me! Please."

"Oh look! We're here!" Evan smiled a little too brightly for his standards. "What a shame, I was enjoying our conversation too..." The sarcasm in his tone would have surprised Alana, if it wasn't for the fact that her nerves were spiralling, since she'd spotted Connor, who Evan was going to sit with.

She wanted to groan as Evan had a gleam in his eye, oh, he knew why Alana couldn't sit with Connor, and he relished in it every time they had English. Though he was always polite about it, but that was Evan for her.

It didn't make her any less frustrated.

"Fine, you win this time. But this conversation isn't over." She said lowly, and Evan's smile widened as went to sit with Connor.

Evan's crush was really starting to get to Alana, she didn't know why. She had a "crush" (despite the terrible name), so it wasn't anything to laugh at him about. She just needed to know who it was, she had a growing fear coursing through her veins that maybe, just maybe, he was crushing on a certain hazel-eyed girl who played guitar, and that made Alana want to throw up. The last thing she needed was to compete with her friend, over another one of her friends.

It was also the fact that Evan knew about her (nonexistent) "crush" on Connor. It made her feel vulnerable, how she had to play along into it, so her "crush" on Zoe wouldn't be apparent, but it made her feel even more uneasy. She knew that her friends wouldn't mind if she was a lesbian, Jared didn't care at all, he treated it as another normal thing. But even though he knew that Alana was "crushing" on Zoe, she still had yet to come out to him.

There was something that scared her, more than coming out to the guys through humiliating herself while explaining that those chocolates weren't in fact for Connor, and were for Zoe instead.

It scared her because Connor was Zoe's brother, although they weren't that close, they were still working on their relationship, and it meant that Connor would've easily been able to tell Zoe at any given point if he knew about her "crush", and Alana would never know.

While Alana knew that Evan wouldn't have ever told Zoe if she did tell him about her "crush", she was still weary about who he liked.

Alana wasn't an observant person, she knew that much. She was honestly quite naive, though she would have never admitted that. But she at least knew that if Evan in fact did have a crush on Zoe, and if Alana told him about her own "crush" on the girl, then he would've been crushed himself (excusing the terrible pun).

But there was a small part of her, a dark side, that _wanted_ to tell Evan. An envious side that Alana couldn't seem to get rid of. That part of her wanted to get Evan out of the way, so there'd be no chance of him stealing Zoe away from her.

Of course, that was selfish. Zoe didn't belong to her, and it would've been cruel to target Evan like that, especially when he had done nothing wrong.

Luckily, English was the last lesson of the day, so after it, she could go see Zoe again. It made her heart do flips, despite the fact that she'd already seen the girl just a few hours before.

Alana was really getting desperate.

And she usually enjoyed English, she enjoyed the challenge that came with expressing her imagination when it came to analysing hidden symbolism. She enjoyed the different content she would be tasked to complete. And she just enjoyed the sweet smell of pine that hovered around the class.

Though, at that moment, the minutes seemed to pass like hours, and she found herself constantly fidgeting in her seat. One, because she felt it. Connor's prying gaze on her back, just daring her to turn around. It made her clothes damp with sweat, and she resisted the urge to fan herself. Two, because she had forty two minutes until she could see Zoe, forty two minutes that felt like decades to her.

This was torture.

After class had ended (finally), her and Zoe were forced to walk home, since Connor had taken Zoe's Volvo while she was at practice.

"I'll kill him." Zoe grumbled, but there was an amused gleam in her eye as she looked at her phone. Alana leaned over her shoulder to see what she was laughing at.

_Asshat_ _: took your car_

_Asshat: dont expect me to apologize for it_

_Me: wtf? How do you expect me to get home?!_

_Asshat_ _: walk_

_Asshat_ _: this si_ _evan_ _hell get you a la mode to mke it up ti you_

_Me: if he is, then tell him to get something for Lana too_

Alana smiled warmly at the playful banter. She knew how much the girl loved a la mode, and so did Connor apparently. "So I take it we're walking?" She asked, leaning back from Zoe's shoulder so she could get up.

The other girl nodded, pushing her chair out and standing up. They were the only ones in the library, minus the librarian, who seemed to not even be paying any attention to them, not that they minded.

The taller girl stretched her arms above her head, exposing a little of her freckled stomach to Alana, which definitely didn't make her blush madly.

_Think straight thoughts, Alana._

So of course her mind would've drifted to Connor. She tried to think of what she found about him attractive. _Tall, beautiful long hair, big hazel eyes..._

Okay, so her thoughts drifted back to Zoe easily, she was truly far gone.

"Yep, I guess so." The younger girl nodded, grabbing her backpack and guitar case.

"You've become a lot more soft on him." Alana commented, and Zoe shrugged.

"He's offering me a la mode as an apology. It's a fair trade, especially if he's paying for it."

"Fair point."

A beat of silence.

"That shirt looks amazing on you, by the way." Alana said brightly, and it was true. The brunette was wearing a bright, floral top that made her look sweet and sunny, even though she already was all on her own.

She laughed. "Thanks, I just recently bought it actually. Ya'know, with spring and summer coming?" She started to walk out of the library, and the shorter girl followed her.

"Oh yeah! I'll have to actually catch up on shopping. I haven't thought about it to be honest." Alana commented, looking down at her plain green sweater and knee length shorts.

Zoe smiled brightly. "I can always go with you."

Alana blinked. "Really?"

The brunette nodded, turning back to look ahead of her, they'd just walked out of the entrance, letting the fresh spring air kiss their skin. "Sure! You're always telling me how amazing my fashion sense is, maybe I can teach you a thing or two." She nudged the shorter girl's arm jokingly.

Alana bit her lip, she'd heard of girlfriends (platonic ones, of course) going on shopping trips with eachother all the time, and it made her green with envy in a way, how she had to go by herself, and receive patronising looks from the cashiers as they saw a teenage girl buying clothes which would have been fit for a Liberal Arts teacher.

But it was nice, to have someone that actively wanted to go shopping with her, and didn't judge her for the way she dressed.

That was the thing, with Zoe, it was so easy. She felt like she was floating whenever she talked to her, that nothing could hurt her. Zoe made her feel noticed, and important.

Alana smiled. "Yeah... That would be great."

And that was all she could ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Yep, this chapter is wordy, and it does indeed get kind of confusing at times. Sorry about that. I promise that next chapter will be more light-hearted and fun though!  
> And I almost forgot to update today! I would have felt guilty about that.  
> But anyways! Constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	6. Step Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls have a day out!

_Step_ _four- spend more time with her_.

True to her word, that weekend, Zoe went with Alana to shop for some clothes, which proved to be harder than they both initially thought. They both had very different ideas of what "good" and "bad" clothing was, which turned out to be an experience.

They were currently shopping in _forever 21_ as per Zoe's request, and Alana was finding it harder and harder to find anything that she actually liked.

She was browsing through a rack of sweaters before Zoe came bounding up behind her, a big grin on her face as she held up an off the shoulder, long sleeved shirt. "This is cute! It'd go amazing with your skin tone!"

Although Alana wanted to let her stomach do flips at the compliment, she couldn't let that get in the way of her distaste towards it. "I don't think I'd really suit it, Zo." She said unsurely.

Zoe's smile didn't falter. "Well of course you will! It looks bangin' on the model!" She cringed. "I will never say the word 'bangin' again, but still!"

"Zoe, just because it looks sufficiently okay on the model, doesn't mean that it'll look the same on me." Alana pointed out, looking at the model in hesitation. The model plastered onto the wall seemed to be tall, thin and extremely beautiful, everything that Alana was not. Striking an effortless pose that would most definitely kill Alana if she dared to try it.

Zoe frowned. "Please just try it? You never know."

She looked down at the shirt, then at her own clothes, then back up at the model.

She sighed. "Fine." Grabbing the hanger carefully, and walking into the dressing room.

When she slipped it over her body, it felt tight, and uncomfortable, she knew that Zoe wanted to see it though, so she pushed past her nerves and stepped out.

The taller girl was on her phone when Alana came out, she cleared her throat to get the other's attention. Zoe looked up, and her eyes widened comically as her jaw seemingly dropped to the floor.

Alana furrowed her brows in confusion, looking in the mirror, and she almost choked. When she felt that it was too tight, she didn't expect her entire midriff to be showing. "Oh my God!" She screeched, rushing back into the dressing room.

Zoe rushed after her, standing right outside. "Alana, I'm sorry! I didn't think that it'd show your stomach- fuck, I'm so sorry." She said frantically as Alana pulled the shirt off herself. She put it back on the hanger respectively, and slipped on her very comfortable polo shirt, putting her cardigan over it before stepping back out.

Zoe stared at her with guilt plastered onto her face. "Alana, I-"

"It's okay, you obviously didn't know." Alana reassured her, holding up the shirt in distaste. It was official, she hated _forever 21_.

Zoe laughed, her eyes crinkling as her mouth turned upwards into a wide grin. "I wouldn't have guessed!"

Oh, she said that out loud.

"That you did."

Alana playfully glared at the smiling girl. This perfect girl who was standing in the middle of a retail store with her.

She was seriously getting sappy, though, she didn't bring herself to care as she hung the shirt up back in its original place, despite Zoe's protests, that, "no one actually hangs up the clothing where they're supposed to." Alana didn't care though, it made her feel uneasy if she placed the shirt wrongly, despite her hate for it.

She felt kind of stupid, actually, for not noticing how short it was sooner. But it was done, and it was over with. Besides, it was only Zoe who saw her in it. Zoe, who she liked a lot and was probably the only person who could make her self conscious about her appearance.

"I was right though." Said girl told her as they left the store empty-handed. She draped her arm over the shorter girl's shoulder, and Alana looked at her in confusion. Zoe only gave her a smirk in return. "You did look bangin' in that shirt."

_Oh. My. God._

Alana was sure that her face had turned crimson as she let out a choked gasp, pushing the brunette away as she stared at her, mortified. " _Zoe!_ "

The taller girl batted her eyelashes innocently as she blew a dramatic kiss at Alana, who stared at her with such adoration, that one would've expected her to melt right there. "You. Are _so_ immature!" She laughed, shoving the other girl with a slight bit of hesitance.

Zoe placed a hand to her heart, looking at Alana with pretend hurt on her face. "And here I thought we had something, Lannie."

As much as Alana wanted to berate Zoe for using such a childish nickname, she couldn't help the way her smile widened at the mention of it. "Lannie?"

Zoe nodded. "I say it's extremely fitting." She said loudly as she started to skip down the street like a little girl, her worn down vans making very noticeable sounds against the pavement, and anyone who was walking made way for her, and stared at her with wide eyes.

But did Zoe care? Not at all. Alana watched fondly as the younger girl twirled effortlessly and started walking backwards to face her, she looked so innocent, and happy. It made Alana feel warm, and she wanted to take this moment and treasure it forever.

She laughed, running to catch up with Zoe, who was still walking backwards. "You'll fall if you keep doing that." She pointed out, with no real seriousness behind her tone.

Zoe merely shrugged. "If I do, I know you'll catch me."

Alana raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Am I wrong?"

"...No."

They both laughed, before Zoe turned around and gasped, clasping her hands together awkwardly. Alana followed her eyes towards where she was looking at, and saw a man.

He was very rough looking, holding a guitar as he sang lazily into the microphone that was perched in front of him. He looked exhausted as he strummed a few uneven chords, the tune meshing together in one huge unpleasant song. His guitar case sat beside him, a few quarters had been thrown in, but nothing else. A dog was laying by him too, looking up at every bystander passing with pleading eyes.

Alana blinked slowly, wondering why Zoe would feel excitement from looking at such a weird display, but the next thing she knew, she was standing in front of the dog and human duo, Zoe's hand grasped onto her wrist firmly.

"You need help?" Zoe shouted above his singing, and Alana stared at her in shock, giving her look as if to say: "what are you doing?!"

The man stopped singing, and went on to look at Zoe with curiosity and a hint of cautiousness. "What do you mean?" His voice was rough and scratchy, everything Alana expected it to be.

Zoe crouched down, scratching behind the dog's ear. "Well, I have some okay guitar skills, my friend has a loud voice, how about you let us get you some solid cash?"

Both Alana and the man's eyes widened considerably. "What?" They said in unison, both looking at Zoe in disbelief.

She merely grinned. "Oh come on! It'll be fun! Can we?" She asked, her eyes full of hope.

The man looked down at his guitar, then back up at Zoe, before huffing. "Aww, what the heck?" He choked out, handing the guitar to Zoe. "Don't break it, kid."

Zoe smiled. "Wouldn't dream of it." She hooked the strap over her shoulder.

Alana placed her hands on her hips. "And when did I consent to this?"

Zoe's smile didn't falter. "Just now. Come on 'Lana! Live a little, let loose!" She punctuated the last two words with an out of tuned strum to the guitar. She closed her eyes while breathing a sigh of relief, like she was home after a long time away.

Alana huffed. "Zoe..."

The younger girl pouted innocently. "Please?"

"This is so chi-"

"Pretty please?"

"You _know_ I'm not going to say y-"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?" Zoe's eyes widened adorable as she clasped her hands in front of her, tilting her head. "Just think of it as charity work! We are technically helping someone in need."

It made Alana so ashamed of how easily Zoe could persuade her. "Fine, but I won't like it." She grumbled, and Zoe cheered.

"Of course you won't, now get your cute butt over here." The smaller girl wanted to cover her face and scream in delight at Zoe's choice in wording.

"Cute butt?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Zoe only grinned in return.

Alana wanted to say more, but decided not to press on it for too long as she walked over to the microphone, adjusting it to suit her height.

"Are you sure about this, Zoe? I mean- I'm not even good at singing." Alana said, her voice surprisingly small, and Zoe's smile morphed from gleeful, into understanding, in a matter of seconds.

"Hey, it's all in good fun. Okay? You don't have to do it if you don't want to." She rubbed the smaller girl's shoulder. It was remarkable how sympathetic she could be one minute, and how crazy she was the next. It made a pleasant shiver travel down Alana's spine.

She shook her head. "No, I'll do it." She told her sternly, and Zoe's grin returned.

"I knew you would." She laughed, before her expression hardened.  
"So! Alana..."

Alana straightened her posture. "Zoe?"

Said girl choked back a laugh, looking down and strumming a few more chords. "How about some Tay Tay for you?" She smirked playfully.

Alana groaned. "Tay Tay? What are we, five?"

"I didn't hear a no~" Zoe smirked, as if to challenge Alana.

Two could play at that game. "Sure, let's do 'Tay Tay' then." She tapped the mic, speaking into it briefly to test it, the bystanders who were walking by didn't seem to notice- or care.

She didn't particularly know what song Zoe was going to start playing, and she realised that her voice was going to be louder than the guitar, due to the microphone magnifying it. Though, She couldn't find it in her to be bothered as Zoe's hand started moving along the strings gracefully.

Soon, the tune became clearer to Alana, and she laughed at the cheesiness of it, but allowed her mouth to open as the words sprung out of her mouth, moving in line with eachother effortlessly. For once, she was thankful for her awkward, preteen Taylor Swift phase.

And sure, she wasn't a good singer, at least she never considered herself good, though she never sang all that often, so she wouldn't know. But she was having fun, and that was what mattered, with Zoe standing by her with that simply perfect half-smile as her fingers moved effortlessly across the strings, she found her voice getting progressively louder.

It was ridiculous, by all means, and she would have never considered herself ever doing this. She wondered if herself from a year ago saw what she was doing now, she would've probably been appalled. understandable.

Her voice sometimes wasn't even in line with Zoe's guitar. Sometimes she would forget a lyric, stumble over her words, or strain her voice. Zoe wasn't perfect either, the guitar was old, so the sounds that came out of it weren't all that pleasant to the ears.

But there were times in the song when both of them would manage to get it right. And Alana would've admitted that those moments were worth it.

_"_ _Laughin_ _' on a park bench,_ _thinkin_ _'_ _to myself, hey isn't this easy?"_

She allowed herself to let out a small chuckle as she sang the last word, her voice cracking as she gripped the microphone stand tightly.

_"And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town."_

She sang those lyrics while staring straight at Zoe this time, who, even though she wasn't looking at her, still had a bright grin playing on her lips, her head bopping to the tune. That smile, could light up the town indeed.

When they were finished, no one applauded for them, no one had stopped to stare at the two teenage girls putting on a performance in the street, there was no uproar. People just simply kept... Walking. There was more money in the open guitar case though.

And... For once, it was enough. She didn't need to have everyone who walked past her notice her, because she helped someone, and didn't do it for anything special, like college applications, or to seem productive. She helped someone without getting anything in return, and it felt so amazing, as corny as it was.

Alana didn't feel any less invisible than before as her and Zoe walked away from the man, who started packing up after they performed. And it was okay, her hand was linked in with Zoe's, and it felt so natural that she forgot about everything at that moment. It made her relax, and a genuine grin spread across her face while she listened to Zoe's happy rambling.

Scratch that. It was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had to take out the angst from this chapter, since it didn't really flow well with the whole light-hearted nature of it.  
> BUT, when I read over the scene of angst, I couldn't have simply deleted it. It showed a lot of Zoe's character.  
> So! You may see it in a later chapter, who knows?  
> But besides that, I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> And until next time!
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	7. Step Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's one of those days.  
> But a certain brunette makes it slightly more bearable.

_Step five- don't scare her._

Now, Alana debated whether she should have put that step there when she was writing the list. But it made sense in a way, from behind closed doors, she wouldn't have been considered a... Cheerful person.

Sure, Alana was productive, and she did try to be cheerful whenever she could, that didn't stop the blunt feeling of emptiness to cloud up in her chest often though.

There were days where'd she just end up sitting on her bed, staring at the wall for hours, and she would end up feeling guilty and lazy for not doing anything for that long, so she'd throw herself into work.

That's how she found herself sat by Evan, trying to teach him about the hidden symbolism in ' _to kill a_ _mockingbird'_ _._

She honestly had no idea why they were going over the content again, when there was much more important stuff they could've been doing in English, she'd already expressed her distaste towards the subject material freshman year, which resulted in her being escorted off campus by her parents, since she refused to leave until the principal did something.

"So, you understand it?" She said tiredly. It was one of those days, where she just wanted to stay in her bed, and do nothing but let her mind drift, maybe cry a little, and go down for breakfast where she'd pretend that she was fine. Because Alana was amazing at pretending, so this was just one of her weak days.

She hoped that Evan didn't notice though, but that hope was quickly clearing as she felt her body tense up more. It was okay, all she needed to do was get through this study session, and she'd be able to get back home, back to her room where no one could see her break.

Evan nodded. "I- I think?" He sounded so unsure of himself, and Alana resisted the urge to throw her bag out the window.

No, no. She was fine, everything was fine.

"Evan, if you don't understand it, just tell me!" She smiled a bit too widely, grabbing his hand. "We're friends, right?" Her grip tightened significantly on him. She watched as Evan winced, looking down at their conjoint hands.

"Alana, this- uh, may sound personal, but... Are you okay?" He sounded a bit concerned, and worry was written all over his face.

Alana grip tightened. "Of course I am!"

"No, but- but are _you_ okay?" He shook his head. "You seem... Tense?"

Alana faltered, her smile dropped for a mili-second, before her lips turned upwards again. Her cheeks burned, but she didn't care. It was much better to have cheeks that hurt than to start sobbing in front of her friend.

"I'm fine! In fact, I've never felt better!" A huge lie, she always seemed to be lying. And she hated every second of it.

"You... Don't seem okay?" He phrased it more like a question, tugging his hand away from her extremely tight grip. "I- If you're feeli-"

"I said I'm fine!" She said hastily, her voice loud and harsh. Evan visibly flinched, curling in on himself.

"Oh okay, sorry."

She nodded, before going over the content she had explained just a few minutes before. She noticed that Evan significantly looked more tense and was a lot more quiet.

She took a deep breath, ignoring the burning feeling of guilt that was gathering in her stomach, and along with the dark cloud of depression that hung over her, her eyes became slightly teary.

She blinked frantically, no, it was okay, she was okay.

She was fine.

When she finally closed her room door that night, she let the tears cascade down her face freely.

She ignored the scratching at her door, which was most likely her bunny trying to get to her. She couldn't even handle her own pet, who couldn't talk, seeing her like this.

She was pathetic.

A moment of silence later, before she heard a soft knock at her door. "Lannie?"

She sniffed, wiping away her tears aggressively with her sleeve, before she called out with a shaky voice. "Come in!"

As soon as the door was pushed open, a large, bulky man in his late 30s and a bunny hopped into the room. Spots jumped onto the bed and laid herself down by Alana's hip, while her dad stood in the doorway, smiling softly.

"What do you want, dad?" She asked brightly, stroking the rabbit softly.

"What, can't I see my little girl without getting interrogated?" He said jokingly, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe.

She rolled her eyes, grinning slightly. "Dad, seriously."

A sigh came from his mouth as he takes his fingers through his hair, his whole demeanor tensing.

A beat of silence.

"I'm- we're worried about you, Lannie." He said gently. And Alana resisted the urge to scoff. "Your father and I are really happy about you getting involved with a new group of friends... But you seem to be struggling?"

Alana huffed. "Dad, I'm okay! Seriously, I'm used to it." Okay, wrong choice of words.

He frowned. "Alana..."

"Really! You don't need to treat me like I'm a little girl all the time. I'm perfectly okay!"

"You're clearly not though." He pointed out. "Why don't you-"

"I said I'm fine!" They both winced at her harsh tone. Alana gripped the sheets, pulling at them aggressively.

He stared at her with a look of sadness. It wasn't something that Alana liked seeing in her dad. That look that made guilt wash over her, and a screaming whisper in her head took over her thoughts, _why can't you do anything right? Stupid, you're so stupid._

No, she was fine. She was okay.

"You seem to forget that you're only seventeen, sometimes." He said softly, shaking his head. Alana winced, but kept her posture straight and alert.

"I'm practically an adult!"

He stared at her, and sighed, nodding in defeat. "I just don't want you to grow up too fast."

Funny, Alana already felt like a grown up. Practically miserable most of the time? Check.

And oh great, she felt guilty again. She hated that feeling, this was why she acted so cheery all the time, because then she would end up avoiding these less than pleasant feelings.

It was definitely one of those days.

"Dad, it's okay. I promise I'm fine." Her smile was genuine as she stood up, making her way over to her dad and wrapping her arms around him.

He sighed, rubbing her back soothingly. "Okay, oh, and by the way, your friend Zoe's waiting in the living room for you."

What.

She looked up at him. "She's been here all this time, and you didn't think to tell me?!"

He shrugged. "If I did, then we wouldn't have been able to have this conversation."

She groaned. "Dad!"

He laughed, shaking his head. "Fine, I'll send her up." His expression suddenly turned more serious, and melancholy. "But, please think about what I said." He said, before closing the door gently.

Alana took a deep breath, trying to calm herself as she sat back down on her bed, stroking Spots with the very little energy she had. She wasn't in the mood to see anyone else today, especially Zoe, she couldn't let her see her in such a state.

It was already bad enough that her dads and Evan had noticed, but Zoe?

There went any chance of a relationship that Alana had with her. It wasn't uncommon for Zoe to show up at her house randomly, at first, Alana found herself quite unnerved by it, but Zoe always showed up with a good reason.

(Even if it was only to eat junk food)

She hadn't prepared herself enough to expect her room door getting slammed open, and a very concerned looking Zoe Murphy to step inside.

Alana saw Spots flinch as her ears sprang up in alert at the corner of her eye. She even found herself jumping as Zoe's eyes locked with her's, and the next thing Alana knew, the brunette had crouched in front of her, holding her hands delicately.

Zoe's hands were warm. "Okay, what's wrong?" She asked, staring up at her with a frown. She was close, so close to Alana. So close that she could see the constellation of freckles on her beautiful face. So close that if she moved any closer, their lips would touch.

No, this wasn't the time to act like a gay mess, she had to focus.

She smiled brightly. Her cheeks were hurting again. "Nothing! What makes you ask that?"

Zoe's frown deepened. "Evan told me you were off today."

Alana blinked. "When did you and Evan talk?"

A slight smile stretched across Zoe's face as she played with her hair, a soft sigh escaped her mouth as she looked at the wall behind Alana. "Before. We talk quite a lot actually."

Alana felt her heart clench as Zoe shook her head. "But enough about that. Seriously, Alana, what's wrong?" She repeated.

The question made Alana feel naked- not literally of course, but it caused her to realise that she was vulnerable, especially under the intense gaze of her best friend, and "crush". She hated it. She hated that she couldn't lie to her, like she could with Evan, or her dads.

She sighed, there was no use in lying. "I'm just... Tired."

Zoe blinked. "Tired?"

Alana felt so ridiculous as she nodded, looking away from Zoe. She couldn't bare to face her. "It sounds dumb, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong, Zoe. I- I've been doing this for all my life, just... Working, I guess?"

"Like a routine?"

"Precisely! And it's only lately that I've started to feel more and more tired. What am I supposed to do?" She looked at the younger girl with pleading eyes, eyes that screamed for help.

It was a short explanation, but it was enough for Zoe to understand, to relate to some of Alana's words. "Cut back?" She shifted, tightening her grip around the shorter girl's hands. "You're overworking yourself, 'lana. Try to spend more time for yourself."

"Time... For myself?" The idea felt so far gone to her.

Zoe smiled, nodding. "Yeah, you don't have to always be doing something, you know. It's okay to want to relax."

"But, I can't do that! This is senior year- I have to be prepared for college! And- and-"

"Alana." Zoe narrowed her eyes. "Take a deep breath."

She obliged, inhaling deeply and shaking her head. "It didn't work!"

"Wow, I thought it would." Zoe mumbled to herself, her head low, before looking back up at Alana. "Okay, just think of it like this; you've worked so hard already, for your entire life, as you said. What's the harm in cutting back just a little?" She shifted closer.

Alana looked down. "There are so many other people who can do it though. And I'm just barely managing to keep up with them."

"Because they don't dedicate all of their time to work." Zoe told her. "It's not healthy to overwork yourself."

Alana stayed silent, thinking over Zoe's words. "Do you ever feel like that?" She asked quietly, watching as Zoe tensed.

"Yeah... Sometimes." She admitted truthfully.

Alana couldn't decide whether the silence that followed them after that was comfortable, or awkward. She felt something nudge at her hand, and she looked down, smiling at her rabbit and giving her a few strokes.

Zoe laughed, giving Spots a few strokes of her own. "So, are you good now?"

That was the question. Was Alana good? No. She still felt the lingering pit of emptiness run through her body, and she still had that feeling of tiredness. But maybe it had gotten a little bit better.

That was the thing with Zoe, she could make anyone's day turn from sour, to bearable, she had this way with words that made Alana sort of jealous, but also thankful.

Zoe was no stranger to having to give Alana words of encouragement sometimes, it was the same the other way around too. And that was okay, it was acceptable. It was scary too, at any given moment Zoe could have just turned her back on Alana and that was that, but she didn't. She stayed and comforted the smaller girl, one of the only people that she could actually let see her at her worst, and she wouldn't have been embarrassed.

Then again, this wasn't Alana's worst. Far from it. Zoe didn't know that, and Alana was content with having it stay that way.

Through all of the messiness, there was no way that she was going to let her best friend see her worst side. That side needed to be buried, forgotten. Just like Alana usually was among the student body.

She smiled. Although her cheeks still hurt, the pain decreased only a little from how genuine it was. "I'm good. Thanks Zoe."

Zoe's sigh only held relief, and Alana felt warmth spread through her, that someone who wasn't her dads cared enough to express concern over her.

"Hey, us girls have got to stick together." She wiggled her eyebrows jokingly, and Alana found herself letting out a giggle.

"Including Spots?" Alana looked down at her rabbit, who had took to chinning Zoe's hand.

The younger girl nodded. Placing a kiss between the rabbit's ears, which definitely didn't make Alana's heart stop, since she herself had kissed her rabbit there many times before. "Mhm, including Spots."

That night, Alana found her sheet of paper, which had multiple crossed out scribbles on it. She looked down at the list intensely, grabbing a pen and adding a mess of scribbled words on it.

_Step_ _five-_ _don't scare her, too much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I'm not very fond of how this chapter turned out. It feels rushed and just... Off. But I kept it in because I thought it was essential to Alana's character!  
> We love that character development?  
> Anyways, constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	8. Step Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls have fun. Someone interrupts. There's an injury. And a discovery is made.

_Step_ _six-_ _let loose with her?_

The girls were currently sitting on the couch of the Murphy's (larger than average, Alana added) living room. Larry was at work, while Cynthia was out shopping, and Connor had went over to Evan's. Meaning the girls had the house to themselves.

Alana sat cross-legged on the sofa, while Zoe laid on the floor, propping her elbows up to allow her face to rest in her hands as she swung her legs absentmindedly. Despite Alana's initial protests, the younger girl said that she didn't feel like sitting on the sofa, which was definitely a Zoe thing to say.

In front of them, a pretty shitty Batman movie played out on the TV. Alana would have turned the thing off as soon as it started if she was alone, but Zoe's sarcastic comments at mostly every line of dialogue made it worth it. Alana even found herself growing more confident to throw her own insults at the movie through it.

Zoe huffed, raising her voice at the (stupid) scientist on screen, who had just gotten killed. "What. An. Idiot. You just tried to kill her, and you think that she'd want you? For what reason?!"

Alana bit her lip, giggling. "He was attracted to her?"

Zoe scoffed, not taking her eyes off the screen. "The power of boners must be extremely real for him to be such a dumbass."

Alana gasped, playfully extending her leg to nudge the other girl. "Zoe Murphy!" She laughed.

"What?! Am I wrong?"

Alana hated that she couldn't say no. "You're almost as bad as Jared." She grumbled.

A few seconds later though, Alana found herself shouting at the TV screen. "That writing is terrible! What kind of person says that it's 'not nice to mess with nature' and then sets fire to a place _full_ of plants?!" Through her rant, Zoe laughed.

"See? Didn't I tell you that this movie is shit?" She looked back at Alana with a knowing smirk.

The smaller of the two crossed her arms. "I was hoping that you wouldn't be right."

A while later, Zoe had seated herself on the couch, biting her lip in anticipation before gasping. "This is literally the best scene in the whole movie! You've got to trust me on this!"

Alana raised an eyebrow at the girl, turning her attention back to the TV. All she could describe what was happening on the screen was that a girl in a gorilla costume was stripping to synth music. Alana stared in confusion and interest as the actress let the costume fall to the floor to expose her- _oh wow._

This was definitely her favourite scene in the movie now. Her face heated up as she cursed and thanked the glittering green garmet that covered the actresses' body.

She hated the fact that she was thinking of another person in such a crude manner. It was official, she was a terrible person. She could hear her dads berating her in her head. _Objectifying another woman? For shame, Alana. You should know better._

Her thoughts were cut off as Zoe let out a wolf-whistle from next to her, fanning herself jokingly with her hand. "Hello, my name is gay."

Alana looked at her in disbelief, a tsunami of happiness and excitement washing over her. "You're..."

"Bisexual." Zoe told her, waving her hand passively. "I'm not ashamed to say that Poison Ivy was the cause of my sexual awakening."

Alana gaped at her, her mind searching for words. Zoe laughed. "What? Did you expect me to sing 'I kissed a girl' and be dramatic?"

"No, I'd expect Jared to do that." Alana commented, finally finding the words she needed.

"He would too!"

Alana shook her head, a wide smile playing on her lips as many different feelings bubbled in her stomach. "Well, if this is coming out hour, then is it appropriate to say that I'm lesbian?"

Zoe froze, before tilting her head, staring at Alana in confusion. "But... What about you and Connor?"

Alana's smile dropped. "What are you talking about?"

"You and Connor? And the chocolates?" Zoe said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh my God. He told you?!" Alana groaned, hiding her face in her hands.

"No. The asshole was probably too embarrassed. It was mom actually." Zoe shrugged.

"Then why didn't you mention it to me?" Alana asked, not looking at the other girl.

"Because although I'm kinda questioning your weird taste in guys, I didn't wanna freak you out. I know you don't like talking about romance that much." She nudged Alana, and she groaned.

"This is so embarrassing." The most appropriate words to say, really.

Zoe hummed. "Hey, I don't judge! If you like my brother, I'm not gonna tell you that you can't date him, or whatever. That would be a bitchy move." She said slowly, shifting to change her position on the couch. "I'm just saying, please don't gush about him to me, otherwise I will have to disown you."

Alana chuckled weakly, finally taking her hands away from her face. "I promise not to." She was such an idiot. But it was either pretending to have a crush on Connor, or admitting to crushing on Zoe. Neither of the options were good, but even so. Alana still wasn't ready to tell the brunette yet.

An awkward smile later. "So, back onto that question from before. If you're a lesbian, then how can you have a crush on my brother?"

Alana sighed, she'd been dreading answering this. "I can still technically feel sexually attracted to girls, despite crushing on a guy. Connor's an... Outlier, to put it straight."

As soon as she said those words, she regretted them from Zoe's devious smirk. "Not much about this is straight, 'Lana, but whatever you say."

"You are honestly impossible." The smaller girl grumbled, and Zoe laughed.

"You love me~" the words sent shivers up Alana's spine, despite being strictly platonic.

"Do I though?" She teased.

Zoe chuckled. "Actually, no. But you love my brother tho-"

"I'm going to stop you right there!" Alana tried to keep her face blank, but couldn't stop the overwhelming blush that spread across her cheeks. She was such a liar.

"Speaking of which. You've already started out with chocolates. What's your next move?" Zoe asked, laying down on the couch and letting her ankles drape across Alana's thighs.

Alana noticed that Zoe's toes were painted a multitude of different colours. Pink, orange, blue, green, red, purple. No two toes were painted the same, and she was pretty sure that if Zoe had more toes, she'd find some way to add every colour she could find in her room.

The older girl allowed Zoe's feet to rest there, and cleared her throat. "It's just a silly crush, I don't plan to make any more 'moves' on Connor." She sincerely hoped that excuse would have been good enough to fool Zoe.

"Oh come on! You went out of your way to buy chocolates for him. By the way, don't do that for him again. Connor _hates_ strawberry delight."

Alana raised an eyebrow. "If so. Then who ate them?"

"Me, of course!" Zoe laughed. "Sorry about that, but you should've known better than to buy him _my_ favourite flavour."

Well. At least Zoe did end up recieving her gift after all, though not in the ways that Alana wanted. "I'll keep that in mind."

"But seriously. If you want my advice, I wouldn't go for Connor. I know he's trying to get better, but I just don't know why you would go for someone... Like that? God, that sounds so shitty." Zoe groaned, trying to make sense of her words.

Alana definitely knew where she was coming from, though she didn't comment on it as Zoe bit her lip, seeming deep in thought. "Like I said. I'm not gonna stop you, I'll even help you if you want. I'm just surprised is all. I mean- Connor?" She furrowed her brows, staring at the other girl, obviously puzzled.

Alana laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I have no idea how that happened." And she didn't. If only she hadn't been so careless and had actively checked to see if Zoe was going to be home beforehand. She wouldn't have been in this mess.

"But anyways, listen carefully, don't do the usual 'romance-y' stuff with him." Zoe commented, and was Alana seriously getting advice on how to court someone by her own "crush"?

This was so humiliating, but she nodded regardless, pretending to look interested in what Zoe was saying, when frankly, she couldn't have cared less. She had no interest in Connor, sexually or romantically.

Who knew that something that was supposed to be right, felt so wrong?

"Honestly, I have no idea what he actually likes in a girl. Hell, I'm not even sure if he likes girls." Zoe laughed dryly. "So don't take my word for anything."

"Why are you helping me with this, Zoe? I thought you didn't like the idea of me - with him." She couldn't even say his name, it made her want to throw up.

The brunette merely shrugged. "I'm your friend, 'lana. I'm obligated to help you with boyfriend troubles." Her words were dripping with sarcasm.

Alana rolled her eyes, pushing Zoe's feet off her legs, eliciting a loud "hey!" From Zoe in return. "As much as the effort is appreciated, I'd much rather get back to watching the movie."

The younger girl huffed. "You." She pointed accusingly at Alana, her eyes narrowing. "Are no fun."

"Hey! Watch your tone with me young lady. I have the remote after all~" she grinned, waving the small device around in her hand.

Zoe beamed. "Good! You can change the channel then!"

Keeping her eyes on Zoe, she raised the volume on the movie, and Zoe groaned.

"Alana..." She drawled out.

"Zoe..." The older girl said in the same tone, grinning.

"Turn it off!"

"What was that? Raise the volume?"

"ALANA!"

"Sorry! I can't hear you, the volume is just so loud!"

Through her giggling, Alana didn't notice Zoe staring at her with fire in her eyes. She lunged for the smaller girl. Alana let out an embarrassingly shrill squeak as Zoe's body collided with hers, causing both of their bodies to fall off the couch.

Alana ended up getting all of the air knocked out of her lungs as her back hit the floor, she gasped, struggling to find oxygen. Zoe blinked a couple of times, her head against Alana's shoulder as she crushed the other girl with her body.

"Z- Zoe!" She rived.

"Oh, sorry!" The brunette laughed, propping herself up on her elbow while smiling down at Alana.

Many thoughts races through the smaller girl's mind as she stared up at her friend. Her eyes were soft and warm, but at the same time, they glowed with excitement. Her hair fell to the sides of Alana's face, making a curtain of brown (and a little bit of blonde) block her field of vision from anything else in the room.

Okay. So maybe Alana didn't have to pretend to not get flustered by Zoe laying on top of her, she had every right to. What made Alana even more flustered is when Zoe muttered the words: "hi."

A real, genuine smile played on Alana's lips. What was the use in pretending when she had someone so perfect right in front of her? "Hello."

If Zoe just leaned down, then their lips would touch. And Alana wouldn't have even had to pretend to enjoy it.

"What the fuck?"

The moment shattered, anything that resembled peace just a few moments ago was gone, just like Zoe. Her eyes widened and she scrambled off Alana. It was comical actually, how someone so perfect was right in front of her, but still so far all at the same time.

 _Pretend._ A venomous voice hissed in her ear. Alana looked up to the doorway, adjusting her glasses, which had went lopsided due to Zoe tackling her.

Connor stood there, looking at them both with a mixture of confusion, shock and anger. Evan stood behind him, frowning.

"What were you two doing?" He demanded.

"Connor! You said you wouldn't be home until later." Zoe said, standing up and dusting herself off.

He crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes. "You're avoiding the question."

"She's technically not." This was Alana's specialty. She adored when the attention was on her, it gave her a rush of adrenaline, and many different thoughts swirled through her mind. "She's just making a valid statement, since you did in fact say that you'd be home later than you actually were."

Connor raised an eyebrow at her, opening his mouth to retort back. Until Evan stepped in front of him. "Well, isn't it, uh- more polite to answer Connor's question first? Since, he- he asked first?"

Zoe groaned. "We weren't doing anything! Alana just wouldn't give me the remote."

Oh yeah, the small device still rested in the shorter girl's palm, but she quickly gave it to Zoe, who switched the programme to some nature documentary.

The brunette then looked between Connor and Alana, a half-grin forming on her lips as she raked her hair back messily in the most beautifully scruffy way. "So, Evan. Wanna watch this with me? I heard you have a thing for nature."

Evan's eyes widened considerably, he looked between the two siblings in disbelief. Before nodding excitedly. "Uh- yeah! Of course, right." He gave one last grin to Connor, who stared at him in awe and another unreadable expression, before plopping on the couch next to Zoe.

The taller boy turned to Alana, his gaze hardening as he clenched his fists to his sides. "Hey, do you wanna come up to my room or whatever?" He asked boredly.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Zoe give her a thumbs up. She sighed, disappointment evident on her face, before perking up. "That would be wonderful!"

Once Evan and Zoe were out of sight, Alana felt dread spread throughout her body. Okay, she could do this.

Then they were suddenly entering Connor's room and- she couldn't do this.

She had seen Connor's room before, only very briefly though. It was at the start(ish) of her and Zoe's friendship, and Zoe had wanted to throw some of Connor's books out. Alana had never seen her look so furious before. Luckily, she had talked the younger girl down from it before anything got out of hand.

On impulse though, she had to comment: "this room is disgusting!"

On a practical level, the room wasn't too dirty, honestly. Alana just had to take things out of proportion. Which proved to be a huge mistake.

From behind her, she heard Connor's bones crack from clenching his fists. "You can fucking leave if you hate it so much."

Alana ignored him, instead, opting to take out a bottle of air freshener from her bag (she always came prepared) and she sprayed it around the room. She sighed in relief as the scent of strawberries and peaches invaded her nostrils.

"Did I say you could spray that?!" Connor growled, snatching the bottle off her.

Alana gasped, turning to him. "That's mine! I paid for it!"

"And I don't want that shit in _my_ room!"

She glared at him, adjusting her glasses to try and contain her anger. "You're incredibly rude, you know."

He rolled his eyes. "You and me both."

"I. Am not rude!" She grabbed the bottle, and he frowned, holding onto it tighter.

"Give it to me!"

"No! You'll just spray more of it!"

"It's my property!"

"And it's my room!"

As Alana was about to make another snarky remark, she didn't notice how hard Connor tugged at the bottle. Her hands loosened on it, and he went flying back. It all seemed surreal to Alana, how she stood frozen as Connor's back slammed against the wall. His leg scraping against the door.

He dropped the bottle.

She gasped, forgetting any ounce of hate that was in her body, rushing over to him. "Oh my goodness! Connor!"

His clouded eyes only stared at her blankly, seeming to not have registered the pain yet. He didn't answer, instead bringing a hand down to his ankle to inspect it.

Alana's eyes widened in horror as he hissed slightly, taking his hand away from his ankle hastily. Thick crimson blood completely covered Connor's hand.

She did that.

Alana tried to ignore the guilt in her chest as she grabbed Connor's (other) hand, pulling him up so he wasn't leaning against the wall now.

He flinched at the touch, drawing his hand back rapidly. "Don't touch me." His eyes narrowed venomously, and Alana sighed.

"You're bleeding Connor, let me help you." Her voice was surprisingly soft, softer than she had really ever spoken to anyone besides Zoe.

"Why do _you_ care?" His voice wavered slightly, as if he was trying to hold back tears, even if he still looked furious.

"Because..."

He raised an eyebrow, scoffing. "That's what I-"

"Because you're my friend." She told him, and he froze.

It was silent for a solid minute, neither one of them moving as they stared at eachother, challenging the other to look away. Luckily for Alana, she could hold eye contact extremely well, so it was indeed Connor who looked away first.

She chewed her lip nervously, looking back at Connor. What if she had permanently hurt him? She was a horrible person.

He didn't comment when Alana linked her hand in with his the second time, guiding him towards the bathroom. She was glad that she spent so much time with Zoe, since she knew her way around the house.

Alana closed her eyes while passing the staircase, pretending to not notice the joyful laughs coming from downstairs.

When they entered the bathroom, Alana sat Connor down on the edge of the bathtub. He didn't say anything, instead looking at the floor blankly. She brought out her bag once again, grabbing a first aid kit, though, she wasn't precisely sure how bad the damage was. In the worst case scenario, he'd have to be taken to hospital, and Alana was sure that Connor wouldn't have wanted that.

She crouched down in front of him, rubbing his knees softly while fiddling with one of the (probably unintended) rips in his jeans.

"May I?"

Connor looked back at her, slightly surprised at her for asking permission. He turned back, mumbling, "whatever."

He didn't even flinch when she pulled up the cuff of his jeans, and her eyes widened.

A small but deep gash ran over Connor's ankle, blood oozed from the wound like a faucet, and it definitely looked like it was infected.

Alana immediately grabbed the first aid kit, unsure whether it was going to be effective enough to treat the wound. "Maybe we could go to the hospital-"

"No," he said sharply.

"You need to have stitches, Connor."

"And I said no."

Well, it was worth a try. She unzipped the bag, immediately going to find a pair of disposable gloves. She took them out of their packaging, and snapped them onto her hands, flexing them a little.

Alana then inhaled deeply, remembering her breathing exercises, and her first aid training course to try and keep herself calm and relaxed. She was fine, Connor was going to be fine.

She stood up, unlocking the bathroom cabinet ("you can not give these keys to Connor, ever." Zoe had warned Alana while passing the keys over to her). She was deathly aware of Connor's stare on her back, possibly wondering how she got the keys. Alana payed no attention to it though as she grabbed a hand towel, turning on the tap of the bathroom sink.

While waiting for the water to heat up, Alana heard Connor laugh dryly from behind her. "You should be with Zoe and Evan. Not dressing my wounds because I was a fucking idiot."

Self-loathing, Alana noted. A feeling she knew extremely well. "It's not your fault," she winced when the scorching water burned her skin, recoiling her hand back, before squeezing all the excess water from the towel. Alana had no idea how some people could find pain satisfying. Sexually or mentally.

Alana turned just in time to see Connor scoff. "Of course you'd say th-"

"I said it's not your fault!" She huffed, "it's mine."

He rolled his eyes. "You're so full of shit."

She decided to ignore that comment. Alana placed the towel on the cut delicately, eliciting a hiss of pain from Connor. "Just try to relax." She said softly.

"How do you expect me to relax when you're pressing a towel on my fucked up ankle?" He growled.

"I'm trying to help!" Alana pleaded, her eyes sincere and desperate.

"Oh yeah, for your college applications?" He laughed bitterly. "I bet this would look amazing on them."

And then something in Alana snapped. She glared up at Connor through gritted teeth. "You know, you don't have to be such an asshole all the time. I'm trying to help you, the least you could do is be greatful for it!"

Connor was silent after that, probably shocked to hear Alana swear. Of course, she always tried to sound polite and cheerful towards every one of her peers, including Zoe. But she couldn't bring herself to care that she had broken one of her mental rules. After all, she didn't mind swearing when she was alone with her thoughts.

Alana sighed in relief, carefully cleaning the wound with her pristine hands. Within each swipe, welting blood would vanish, and the pale skin under would be revealed.

She felt a little bad for snapping at Connor, but at the same time, she felt pride. Of course, Alana wasn't going to let that show.

"I'm sorry."

Alana blinked, looking up at Connor in shock, "what?"

"Did I fucking stutter? I apologized." He was clearly uncomfortable, not entirely used to habit of apologizing, at least to Alana.

The girl hummed, letting a weak smile play at her lips, "it's okay, at least you've apologized."

He nodded.

"By the way, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not doing this for college applications." She told him, grabbing a roll of bandages and wrapping them around his ankle. When the revolting gash was out of sight, Alana found herself releasing a breath she had been holding. She secured it tightly. "As I mentioned before, I'm doing this because you're my friend. And as your friend, I still suggest stitches."

"Really? I thought you wanted it to be more than that..." He muttered, ignoring the last part of her sentence, Alana sighed.

"It's complicated." She answered shortly.

Connor hummed, inspecting the bandage on his ankle, "it's easy to tell that you don't like me, you know."

Wow.

She really wasn't good at being straight.

"It's easy to tell that you don't like me." Alana replied, standing up and taking the gloves off, washing her hands.

"At least I haven't been pretending."

Anxiety flared through Alana's veins, she frowned, trying to smile through it. Her cheeks hurt. "Pretending? Whatever do you mean?"

Connor stared at her with cold, blank eyes. His lips were drew into a thin line, and no sign of amusement was shown in his body language. He stood up finally, towering over Alana. "Do you think I'm that stupid? I can clearly tell that those chocolates weren't meant for me."

Alana was stood, frozen, not sure what to do, or how to respond to Connor. In the end, the only words she ended up mumbling out were, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He rolled his eyes, backing away from Alana, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "I don't care if you like Zoe, if that's what you wanted to hear."

"I don't care if you like Evan either." Now, Alana had no idea where she got that witty remark from. It just slipped out of her mouth before she could comprehend the words. Maybe it was because she didn't want to feel vulnerable against Connor.

She honestly didn't know what she was expecting when she said that, but Connor's eyes widened dramatically. He opened his mouth, and closed it, seeming to not know what to say.

Alana frowned, ashamed of her words. "Jared... Told me."

"Of fucking course he did." He groaned, raking a hand through his hair in frustration.

"I'm not going to tell anyone." Alana confirmed, lifting her arm up to rub Connor's shoulder. He didn't flinch this time, luckily. He only stared at her.

"Seems out of character for you." He said dryly. Alana knew that his intent wasn't to be hurtful, in fact, his tone held a light-hearted factor to it. Though, it still sounded flat.

She bit her lip, "so, Evan?"

"Who likes Zoe."

Alana shook her head, "no he-"

"You know, for a supposedly smart person, you really are clueless, aren't you?" He chuckled lightly. It was one of those extremely rare occasions that Alana had heard Connor laugh. It was one of those sounds that was unsettling, like when she heard voices come from outside her window at night. Only it didn't have a scary factor to it. Connor's laugh was just normal for the most part.

Alana couldn't have disagreed with him either, she smiled weakly. "I guess I am? But I don't understand."

He stopped laughing to stare at her again. "What's there not to understand? Evan Hansen. Likes, Zoe Murphy."

The words rang out across Alana's head.

Surely Connor was lying to just get a rise out of her, but he looked so sure of himself. He looked so pitiful too. A deep look of melancholy and heartbreak that no liar could ever imitate. Alana had seen Connor angry before. Everyone had seen Connor when he was angry. It was probably his most primary emotion. But Alana had never truly seen him look so sad.

He was being genuine. She could see it in his eyes. And it only made Alana sympathise with him on a personal level. Though, she couldn't have stayed if she wanted to. She had her own problems to deal with, and even so, Alana knew that Connor wouldn't want sympathy, so there was no point talking with him about it.

"I have to go."

Connor didn't attempt to stop her. He only nodded slightly, opening the door for her.

Zoe and Evan were laughing on the couch when Alana was just about to walk out the door. His shoulders were relaxed as he covered his mouth, his eyes gleaming from amusement and happiness. Alana had never seen Evan look so calm, and full of life.

And now she knew why.

Zoe reached her hand over to hold Evan's. She had another look in her eye that Alana couldn't fathom. Much different to Evan's, but still foreign. Evan retracted his palm from Zoe's quickly to wipe on his pants, a deep blush spreading across his cheeks, before linking their hands again.

They giggled. Before turning their attention back to the TV.

Alana turned. And walked out.

She had no idea what she was going to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So I have a lot to say!  
> First of all, I do not condone for anyone to treat anyone like this if they have an injury similar to the one described (in the chapter) in real life. As Alana said, a hospital is the place for that. Which will most likely give stitches.  
> Secondly! The movie that the girls were watching is called 'Batman & Robin' (1997) - which, yes, it is as bad as the girls were saying.  
> Thirdly! I've previously mentioned to a reader that this story takes place late into the school year. So, I believe that Zoe and Connor's relationship would have improved at this point? But not by much. That's why Zoe acts a little weary, but still open to the thought of Alana dating Connor. Just to clear that up.  
> They still have a long way to go though.  
> Fourthly. I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but writing a character like Connor is harder than I thought! I'm a little skeptical to if I wrote him accurately. Knowing me, I might have wrote him OOC. At least I tried?  
> And my intentions were to make this chapter light-hearted, but then our favourite resident lover boys somehow made it into the chapter, and darkness just followed. I'm not sure how to feel about it. I was kind of hesitant to post it, but eh. I'll just push past my nerves to satisfy you all!  
> And to get personal, I've recently just moved house. So I've been kinda stressed lately, hence the longer chapter. Sorry if my writing isn't as good(ish?) As usual because of that! I was on a tight schedule today, with school, and going on a rough trip to IKEA where I spent wayyy too much time arranging fake flower patterns for my room.  
> Moving is horrible. But! On the bright side, it is a nice change of scenery!  
> And I'm rambling, I tend to do that.  
> Anyways, constructive criticism is always welcome!
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	9. Step Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get heated. Alana's an anxious gal. And Zoe's an angry gal.

_Step_ _seven-_ _???_

"This game is disgustingly violent!"

Alana currently sat on Jared's bed, which she had to put new sheets on before she decided to get comfortable, she could never be too careful after all, especially since it was Jared's bed. The boy in question sat on the opposite end, a stained controller in his hands as he killed hoards of zombies on screen.

His full attention was set on it, so much that his glasses were halfways down his face and his tongue was stuck out in concentration. "Fuck dude- what are you doing?!" He shouted, scoffing. "Why are you sending them to me you asshole?! Fuck you!"

Alana rolled her eyes, she drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them so she was secured in a tight ball. Alana flinched slightly as she felt something fuzzy nudge her arm, she craned her neck to look at the culprit, and was surprised to see a small calico cat facing her.

Oh right. Jared had a cat.

She smiled weakly at the small kitty, watching as it nudged her arm once again. Alana released her arm from the secure chain that linked around her legs to stroke the cat hesitantly.

She was never really an animal person, with Spots being her only exception to showing any sort of affection to animals. But she didn't want to be rude by ignoring the cat.

And in some cases, it was cute in a way.

She looked back at the screen in time to watch Jared's character fall limp, and he groaned loudly. "Fuck this, fuck him, and-"

"As much as I just _love_ hearing you cuss at thirteen year olds on a game that glorifies Nazis." She scooted over to him, carefully snatching the controller out of his hands. "I didn't come here for that."

"Wait, you didn't?"

"Jared." Alana said with a stone face. "No one wants to see you lose at video games."

He scoffed. "Evan does! He likes watching me play all the time!"

"Do I look like Evan to you?"

"I mean..."

"Don't answer that." She leaned back against the wall, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I need help."

It physically hurt to admit that. The pain worsened when a grin spread across Jared's face. "Now she finally admits it!"

"Stop it." A deep breath later. "I know that Evan likes Zoe."

And then Jared went completely silent. Alana craned her neck to look at him, and his whole face was pale. It would have been comical, if she didn't feel her whole world crashing down.

She sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "Connor told me."

She heard him groan. "You can't tell anyone else about this. Evan's had a crush on Zoe since-"

"Why do you care?"

"What?"

She picked at her neatly trimmed cuticles, humming absentmindedly. "I asked, why do you care? You don't seem like the type to keep Evan's crush a secret. You can barely keep your mouth shut Jared."

He narrowed his eyes. "I guess we have something in common then, huh?"

Well, ouch. A low blow, but a fair one regardless, she sighed. "Okay, that was rude. I'm sorry."

He looked away, seeming deep in thought. "It's fine. And to answer your question, you're right."

She blinked. "Pardon?"

Jared seemed to ignore her, as he lifted one of his legs up to rest on the bed, wrapping his arms around it and humming. He saw the cat sitting close to him and gave her a few strokes, "I used to tease Evan about it all the time. And not in the normal friend-ish way. I was a real asshole about it."

Alana resisted the urge to berate him, telling him how much of an asshole he still was now, as she stared at him fondly. Jared looked back at her. "So I wanna like, I don't know, make it up to him now? Or whatever?"

"How can you do that when I myself like Zoe too?" She frowned.

Jared opened his mouth, ready to respond, before closing it, thinking over his words carefully. "I'm not gonna favour one of you idiots over the other. Ev and I have history, but it wouldn't be fair to you."

Wow. "That's actually... Really sweet of you, Jared." She linked her hand in with his, and he huffed.

"This feels really heterosexua-"

"Be quiet!" Alana wasn't sure whether the sound she let out was a laugh or a groan. Maybe a mix between both.

She wasn't sure what she felt. She guessed that it was a mix between worry and happiness. Worry because her suspicions had been confirmed, that Evan did in fact like Zoe, and she had absolutely no idea what to do about it. But happiness, because she'd never seen this side of Jared before, it made her feel special, in a way.

"So, what happens now?" He was the first one to break the silence that followed.

Alana played with a loose thread on her skirt, sighing. "I don't know."

If Jared was surprised, he didn't show it. Alana mentally thanked him for that.

"So. Angry Murphy told you, huh?"

Alana nodded. "I've never seen him look so sad before."

He hummed, "understandable."

Silence.

"And I won't tell anyone. By the way."

Jared nodded, leaning over Alana to take his controller back. She didn't say anything. Instead, she leaned over the edge of the bed, and grabbed her backpack to get her science textbook out. Of course she'd already done her homework, but it never hurt to get in some last minute studying.

She rummaged through her bag once again for her pencil case (an extremely _professional_ pencil case, she would've added. Since having one was in no way childish) and cursed at herself quietly. Even though everything in her bag was necessary, and organised, she still had trouble finding stuff sometimes.

Alana moved a folder titled _English lit_ and blinked. She moved her hand down to inspect the object, and took it out.

A compass.

She huffed in frustration, throwing it back into her bag, and pulling out the textbook.

Just as Alana opened it, she felt vibrating come from her hip. She paused, taking her phone out of her pocket and hitting the answer button.

"Hello!" She answered cheerfully.

"Hey 'Lana," Zoe muttered from the other line, her voice laced with anxiety, "I can't talk for long, but can you get to the hospital? Connor cut his ankle and he's not telling us how it happened. Mom and dad are freaking out."

Alana's mouth dropped along with her heartbeat, and she saw Jared stare at her in confusion from the other side of the bed. She put her hand to the speaker, effectively covering it, whispering aggressively. _"Connor's in the hospital!"_

"What?!" He choked out.

Alana brought the phone back to her ear, feigning innocence. "Is it bad?"

"Not too bad, he's had to get stitches, but- Jesus. He's just not telling us anything and I'm really fucking worried." Zoe's voice sounded smaller as she progressed through talking, her breaths coming up more short.

This was bad. Alana hadn't even considered that the rest of Connor's family would find out about his ankle injury. What could she possibly tell them? And why hadn't Connor said anything? Was he waiting for Alana to get there so everyone could chew her out faster that way?

"Alana? Please talk to me!"

Oh crap. "Uh- yeah, I'll be there! I hope he's alright!" She didn't get to hear Zoe's response as she ended the call, tugging at her braids anxiously.

"How did that happen?" Jared asked, frowning. Alana looked to him, and bit her lip, contemplating on her answer. "Did he do it himself?"

That made Alana feel even _more_ anxious. If Connor wasn't saying how he'd gotten the injury, then obviously people were going to assume the worst.

"No." She answered shortly, standing up and slipping her textbook back into her bag.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Jared stand up. "You did something, didn't you?"

She took a deep breath, staying silent.

"Oh my God. You did! What the fuck, Alana?"

"It was an accident!" She said quickly. "It wasn't supposed to turn out like this!"

Jared groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Why didn't you tell them?"

Alana felt her stomach tie into knots, "Connor didn't want me to." It wasn't a complete lie. Though Connor had never explicitly said it out loud, there was an unspoken agreement between the two that they wouldn't mention it to anyone. It was the least Alana could do for Connor, to counter the overwhelming guilt clouding her mind. She grabbed the straps of her bag, throwing it over her shoulder. Her back ached as the bag's weight pressed down upon it. It was the first time that Alana was registering how heavy it actually was.

"Well what are you gonna do now?" He grabbed his keys, twisting them between his fingers. Apparently, he was travelling with Alana. She didn't protest.

"Tell them the truth."

"Are you sure you actually wanna do that?"

Alana closed her eyes, "no."

When they finally got to the hospital, Alana had managed to calm down, not too much, but still. She didn't wait for Jared to officially park the car for when she rushed out. She half-ran, half-jogged to the front doors. Trying to seem composed while also not bothering to hide her panic.

Jared managed to catch up with her, grabbing her arm. "Evan just texted me, he said that he's here too."

Well, that only made things worse.

The duo made their way up to the reception. Jared talked to the woman at the front desk, since Alana was too antsy to do anything normal at the moment. She appreciated him for doing that, though it made her feel useless.

When they had gotten directions to the room, Alana expected to see a lot of things, she didn't expect to see a frustrated Zoe standing outside the room.

"Zoe?" She asked meekly, and the other girl snapped her head up, softening her gaze on Alana.

"Thank God you're here." She ran up to Alana, before locking eyes with Jared, "do you know what's going on?"

Alana was aware that Jared kept his gaze locked on her instead of Zoe as he spoke. "Yeah. But do you?"

Alana wanted to scream. Zoe sighed, "I'm not sure."

This was it. She was going to tell Zoe. There was no way she was backing down from it. It was better to just be honest than letting her lies pile up.

Well, she would've told Zoe. But just as Alana opened her mouth, the door swung open as well. The three teenager's heads snapped towards it.

Blue. Not a soft pastel blue or the dark image of indigo. Just a sky blue. That's all Alana saw before a gust of weak wind flew past her, and she was left blinking in confusion.

"Evan!" Jared called out, running after the blonde. Alana stared, glued to her spot as the two boys disappeared around the corner.

"That asshole," Zoe muttered, before storming into Connor's room. Alana only followed meekly.

It was a bit surreal. The only other time that Alana had been in an actual hospital room was when her grandmother had been admitted for a short period of time. Alana visited her every day, each time her smile getting less wide. Until all visits stopped, and another person inhabited the room.

She was actually wondering why Connor had his own hospital room, until she remembered that people assumed that he had self-harmed.

Then, she recalled reading an article on the act of self-harming when she was younger. There were three ways that treated people who participated in it, and one of the ways was inpatient hospitalisation.

The room as far as she could tell looked empty. Well, aside from Mrs. Murphy sitting in one of the chairs, and Connor standing across the room from her.

"-I don't understand. I- we thought you stopped this, sweetie!" Mrs. Murphy pleaded, her eyes glassy and desperate.

"Oh, well it seems as though I didn't." Connor responded dryly, crossing his arms. He looked significantly uncomfortable.

They didn't seem to notice Alana and Zoe, that is until the brunette's voice rang out across the room, "what the _hell_ did you say to Evan?"

Both Connor and Mrs. Murphy paused, looking over towards the two girls. Alana wanted to avoid Connor's gaze, she truly did, but she just couldn't peel her eyes away from him.

There was a sense of understanding in his features, and disapproval. Alana didn't know what it meant. But she had an idea that Connor wasn't telling anyone about his wound because he was protecting her, she thought anyways.

It made sense, if he was going to tell somebody he would've done it by now. Connor had no reason to hurt Alana either. So that could be the only conclusion that made sense to her. It was better to be rational than paranoid.

It was also sweet in a way, but the guilt just clawed at her throat, and she had to say something soon. Otherwise things would spiral out of control.

"Zoe! Don't sp-"

"Fuck off, Zoe." Connor muttered, clearly annoyed.

Zoe's eyes flashed red for a moment, she clenched her fists. "No! Just because you're a massive fuck-up doesn't mean that you have to take it out on Evan!"

Just as Connor opened his mouth to retaliate, with something probably as equally as hurtful, Alana said cheerfully, "I'm sure it was just an accident! Let's just all calm down, okay?"

"Oh, like how that cut was an accident?" Zoe accused, raising an eyebrow.

Cynthia sighed, frowning, "Zoe..."

"That's none of your fucking business." Connor growled.

"Well I'm making it my business! You said that you were doing better!" She took a step towards him, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Just because I'm not telling you what happened, doesn't mean that I did anything to fucking harm myself." He narrowed his eyes threateningly, "so step the hell off."

"Connor," Cynthia jumped in, "what are we supposed to think? Why won't you tell us?"

"Because he's trying to protect me."

All three sets of eyes fell onto Alana, and she clenched her fists with false confidence. "What?" Zoe asked, clearly confused.

Alana sighed, reminding herself that it was better to tell the cold truth than to tell a warm lie, as her grandmother always said to her.

"Remember just last week, when Connor and I went to his room?" Alana asked.

Zoe nodded slowly, "yeah..."

"Well, that's when he got the cut." Alana said shortly, shifting in her spot. "We were fighting over me spraying air freshener in his room, and that escalated into arguing, then we both grabbed the spray. Connor pulled too hard and... He fell backwards."

Everything was tense in the room. Alana didn't want to look at any of them, since she already felt like her heart would break out of her chest at any moment. It was fine, she was doing the right thing by being honest, even if it made her nerves tremble.

She heard Zoe's sharp intake of breath, and dared to look up at her. The girl looked lost, but turned to Connor slowly, "is it true?"

Alana watched as Connor sighed, tugging at his hair harshly. "Yeah, whatever, it's out now anyway. There's no use in lying."

Cynthia smiled with relief written over her facs, and Alana swore she saw tears spring into her eyes, she slowly stumbled over to Connor and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. He visibly tensed, but accepted it regardless.

Zoe turned to Alana. "You knew?" Her voice was soft, and filled with curiosity. There was no hurt on Zoe's features, there was only confusion.

Alana nodded. "Yes, I knew."

"And you didn't think to tell me about it?"

Connor shook his head, "Zoe-"

"No, Connor. Don't defend her." Zoe took a menacing step towards the smaller girl, who stood up straighter to try and make herself look somewhat taller. "You knew, and you didn't tell me?"

Cynthia walked towards the brunette, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Why don't we all just-"

Zoe stepped out of her grasp. "No, mom! I'm not going to calm down!" She ran her hands through her hair, staring at Alana with betrayal. "I thought you were my friend."

Alana tried to keep her breathing even as she walked towards Zoe, reaching out to grab her hand. "I am your friend."

Zoe scoffed, swatting Alana's hand away from her, "if you were, then you would've told me what happened!"

"Well I didn't want her to." Connor stepped in.

"That isn't the point!" Zoe groaned, annoyed. "This all wouldn't have even happened if you two had just talked to me, mom and dad about it."

"I didn't want you to be upset." Alana said quietly.

"Well, I'm upset now!" She pinched the bridge of her nose, placing her hand on her hip. "God, just leave me alone, Alana."

Alana opened her mouth to protest, until she met Connor's eyes. He shook his head at her, urging her to leave while Zoe was still acting relatively calm.

She looked back at the brunette, who was covering her face now, cussing under her breath quietly. Cynthia rubbed her back soothingly, whispering words of encouragement into her ear, though, Alana doubted that Zoe was listening.

She opened her mouth, but snapped it shut as she found that she couldn't choke out the words that she needed to say.

_I'm sorry._

Instead of staying, trying to plead with Zoe any further, Alana turned around, and walked out of the room, ignoring the tears sprouting to her eyes.

"I'll see you at school!" Alana chirped, her voice wavering dangerously, before closing the door.

_Step seven- apologize._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for the slow update! I only just finished this chapter on the day it was supposed to be out! I've been suffering from terrible writer's block :P  
> That isn't an excuse though, so sue me!  
> Anyways, I hate this chapter so much. I don't know why, it just feels so rushed and blocky and all time weird.  
> I had to rewrite it two times, and I still couldn't get it right. But I didn't want to keep you guys waiting, so here it is!  
> Also, the cat described in this chapter is a small character that my friend created from her own series. Though her name isn't mentioned (her name is Oreo, by the way) I wanted to add her because why not?  
> The character Oreo was created by "JustAnAnxiousKids" in her story "counting the seconds" I suggest you guys go check it out!  
> Constructive criticism is always welcome!
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	10. Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse for Alana.

Three days.

That's how long it had been since Zoe had confronted Alana about lying to her. In retrospect, it wasn't long at all, but it just kept driving Alana crazy. Of course, the whole group found out the truth about Connor's wound, and no one really acted all that different to Alana other than Zoe, who was avoiding her.

Every time Alana saw her in the halls, she would be with someone, whether it was with someone from Jazz band, or even someone from their group, she could never find Zoe alone. The worst part was that instead of actively trying to avoid Alana, Zoe just barely acknowledged her existence.

It hurt. It hurt to of course feel forgotten, but it stung so much more to have it done by her own friend/crush.

Of course, Connor had gotten discharged from the hospital, to everyone's relief. But now it felt as though all of the Murphys had some grudge against Alana. That was just her being paranoid though. After Alana had confessed to Zoe and Mrs. Murphy at the hospital, Connor had called her to tell her that there were no hard feelings.

If there was one good thing that came out of the whole debacle, it was that Connor had started acting a lot more calm and carefree around Alana. As if something shifted in him. Before, he would always just sit quietly and nod when Alana talked, looking disinterested in anything she had to say. But now, he actually listened to her, gave her his input on the topic, cracked jokes every once in a while.

It wasn't much, since he still seemed tense most of the time. But it was still a start.

It was hilarious, in a depressing way. She had gained the trust of one Murphy, but had lost it with the other.

Maybe it was because Evan had started drifting away from Connor and more towards Zoe. Ever since the hospital incident, The brunette girl had stopped sitting with them at lunch, and was sitting with her own friends from Jazz band again (including Bee. Who always threw cocky smirks in Alana's direction) and Evan had followed her.

So, to try and fight the ache in her chest, Alana threw herself into her work, even more than usual.

That's how she found herself sitting there on a Friday night, trying to gather ideas on the theme of prom.

Of course Alana was in charge of the prom committee, so she had to look through all the half-assed ideas that everyone else had written down.

_Stars._

No.

_Dreams._

No.

_Flowers._

No.

_Baloons_ _!!!_

_Are you fucking kidding me?_ She groaned, crumpling the paper up in frustration and throwing it against the wall. It wasn't fair. Alana seemed to be the only one who cared about prom other than prissy teenage girls who "have been waiting for this all our lives!"

Yep, that definitely didn't put any type of pressure on her.

It was fine though. Alana knew that she was capable enough to pick a simple theme, and then have to sort out everything else. But one step at a time.

It was proving to be more difficult than she thought when everyone's ideas were either childish, generic, or just weird.

Alana jumped as she heard a knock seize her from her thoughts, she looked at her door and cleared her throat. "Come in!" She said cheerfully, sitting on the bed.

"Hey Lannie," her dad opened the door, a tired smile on his face. "So, your father and I were talking..."

Alana cringed. Okay, that was never good.

"And we thought that maybe we could go out for dinner tonight." His smile widened considerably. "We can go to Bell House, your favourite."

Alana sighed, not bothering to look at him. "We haven't been to the Bell House since I was fourteen, dad."

She heard his footsteps and guessed that he was advancing towards her. "Then let's go for the nostalgia!" He grabbed Alana's hands, hoisting her up. "Get your mind off things."

Alana huffed, crossing her arms. "Dad, I don't have time for this. I have to choose a theme for prom, and then contact the entire prom committee to get their input on it tonight. And then I need to study for my science exam in four days-"

"Okay, see Alana this is excactly what I'm saying." Her dad cut in, rubbing her arms soothingly. "Come on, you love having dessert before dinner. That's your thing!"

"It _was_ my thing. But I'm simply too busy right now." She shook off her dad's touch and walked to her desk, grabbing a new sheet of paper from one of her drawer.

"Alana-"

"It's okay. You and father can go by yourselves." Alana turned around to look at her dad once more, leaning against the desk. "It's been a while since you two have had a date night. You know it's not healthy for couples to not spend quality time with eachother?"

"Yes, Alana. I know that." He let out a huff of amusement, before his eyes glazed with worry. "Are you sure that you'll be okay though? We can always stay home and-"

"It's fine." Alana urged, walking up to him and grabbing his shoulders, turning him around and guiding him out the room. "Just go have fun, and don't be home late."

"You know, anyone would think that you were the parent instead of us." He joked, nudging Alana slightly.

She rolled her eyes, her lips curling up. "That's because I'm mature for my age." She managed to get him out of the room just in time for her to say, "now go have fun with father! Don't let me stop you."

He stared at Alana with an unreadable expression, which was never good. Alana deemed it as the expression of failure, since she had no other name for it. Her dad always threw it in her direction when he was disappointed in her. Alana hated disappointing people. It made her feel queasy, and unworthy. Just how she was feeling for the past three days.

"I love you, sweetie." His words were genuine, and laced with concern. Alana respectfully chose to ignore his tone.

"I love you too, dad. Have fun."

And the door was shut. Alana waited for a few moments before putting her back up against it, completely and utterly lost on what to do anymore.

A nap sounded good.

But then that would throw off her whole sleep schedule and she wouldn't have enough energy to do all the activities she needed for the next day. And then she would end up falling asleep in class and her entire reputation would be ruined, so no teacher would trust her, and she wouldn't be on the honour roll anymore. She couldn't deal with letting _another_ person down.

Okay, so maybe a nap didn't sound good.

It was back to square one with looking at useless prom ideas. Sometimes, Alana wondered why she even bothered, and other times, she wondered why she was still alive.

Was that healthy? Probably not.

It didn't matter though, her health couldn't possibly matter when the room was starting to spin and everything was blurring into one huge mess.

_Oh no no no. Please not now._

Her breaths slowly quickened. She felt as though she could feel every little thing that touched her, even the chilling breeze that bit through her skin like hungry mosquitoes.

And just like that, her fear skyrocketed.

When Alana was little, she used to love going into the main square with her grandmother. She was proud to say that even as a child, she still possessed the need to see everything, to know everything, for everything to know her and who she was.

One day, however, Alana had been following her grandmother, as per usual. She couldn't remember what they were shopping for, only that her grandmother was in a rush, and Alana had to skip hastily to match her pace.

It was gorgeous out, she had noted. The sun felt as though it was trying to personally hug her, and no clouds dared to cover the sky. Alana had even put on a tube of glittery lipgloss that had come in one of those old Lelli Kelli sets she had got for her birthday. Alana wasn't sure how she felt with it on though, since she had the urge to constantly lick the strawberry flavoured gloss off her lips. It was the thought that counted though.

She didn't know how it specifically happened either. But one minute, Alana was leaning up against a store window, admiring an antique dollhouse, asking her grandmother if she could have it. And then, she was running.

Apparently, from what her grandmother had told her. Alana had asked her if she could have the dollhouse, and upon hearing her grandmother's rejection to the proposal. Alana just ran off, clearly upset.

She ran.

And she ran.

She ran until her feet were aching and her lungs pleaded for air. When Alana had finally regained her breath, she had no idea where she was.

It barely even looked like she was in the square anymore. Instead of many small stores surrounding her like she was used to, the buildings this time were significantly taller, and more modern looking. Skyscrapers, she could definitely tell.

There were still people walking by her. Unlike earlier, when they looked fascinating and interesting to her seven year old self, they looked scary now.

Every person towered over her, as if they were silhouettes about to devour her at any moment. Their dusky clothes all fit the dark atmosphere well. Due to the skyscrapers blocking the sun from view, the place pierced through her with its glacial temperature.

_Grammy!_ She remembered calling out, yet no one stopped to even pay her attention.

She felt so alone at that moment. No one could see her. No one noticed her fear. She was lost.

Alana span. Not wanting to stray further away from where her grandmother could be, but trying to see if there was a familiar looking place she could go to.

The lipgloss had pretty much disappeared at this point, from how much Alana was chewing at her lip. The manufactured strawberry flavour ruled over her taste buds, along with the taste of salt.

_I don't know where I am._ She said to herself quietly. Alana hadn't realised she was crying at the time, she hadn't realised anything. She was too absorbed in her own world that she didn't notice her grandmother running up to her and grabbing her wrist, screaming at her how dangerous it was for Alana to be out by herself.

It was only until the little girl was in her room by herself that she fully comprehended that she was home. There were no more  shadows around to tower over her. The sun was gone for good, and was replaced with the moon. She was also still very much alone.

That's exactly the same feeling she was experiencing at that moment. Alana climbed onto her bed, her hands shaking, and she curled into a ball.

She could get through this. She had before.

It felt like they were everywhere. Shadows. Tall and dark and slender. Towering over Alana, waiting for her to let her guard down. Just like when she was a little girl.

Their darkness washed over her body. And she was trapped, suffocating within her own snot and tears.

It was disgusting.

_Alone._ They chanted. Poking her, making fun of her. Alana wanted to scream at them to stop it, that it wasn't true. But they were right.

_Alone._

She was positive that her heart was going too fast. It felt like she could feel every beat that pounded against her chest. Her pulse was going haywire, and she had no way to stop it.

_Alone._

Was she having a heart attack?

_Alone._

That had to be it. Alana's thoughts were too scrambled to think of anything remotely logical at the moment. She couldn't move, however, which was ironic, considering that she couldn't stop shaking. The only solution that she found to counter it was to dig her fingers into the flesh of her arm.

_Alone._

It felt so weird. As if she felt everything, and nothing at the same time. Why couldn't she breathe? She had to be dying.

_Alone._

She wished that someone was with her.

_Alone._

Specifically, Zoe.

_Alone._

Alana wanted Zoe to hug her, to tell her that it was going to be okay. To make it all stop.

_Alone._

But Zoe wasn't here. And that was all Alana's fault. She deserved this. Bad people get punished, right? Alana was only participating in what she believed in.

_Alone._

She didn't know how much time she spent like that. It honestly felt like hours to her, when in reality it probably didn't last too long.

_Alone._

Eventually, everything started to slow. Her heart rate, her constant sniffling, and her thoughts.

The voices stopped, and the shadows disappeared. And their darkness was replaced with the light of the sun peeking at her from her window. It was mixed in a different array of colours. Orange mixed with yellow. It went on to make indigo, and then purple. It wasn't supposed to mix well by theory. Yet, the sunset looked amazing.

Alana hated it.

She hated herself.

But she was fine.

The teenager took a deep breath, testing to see whether she could breathe again. It was successful. Though, Alana felt too exhausted to move from her bed at the moment.

She winced when she felt something wet and thick drip down her arm, Alana looked down to see what it was.

_Oh._

She was bleeding.

She slowly (and carefully) retracted her nails from the abused flesh of her arm, choking down a soft whine that threatened to escape her lips.

It was going to be okay, she could wait a few moments before trying to get up again. Alana wiped her tears gently. Not even caring about the blood she was smearing onto her face. She really needed a tissue to wipe the snot off her upper lip, and she needed to wash the blood off her skin. she just... Couldn't though. It was too much to even think about moving.

So maybe she wouldn't be able to choose a theme for tonight, or get any studying in.

Alana clenched her fists in frustration, taking a deep breath and forcing her body to move under the covers of her bed. It was quite gross considering she was still clothed, and the fact that a myriad of unsanitary bodily substances were probably going to stain her sheets. But frankly, she couldn't bring herself to care at that moment as she removed her glasses, placing them on her bedside table.

She was just so exhausted. So maybe it would throw off her sleep schedule. Alana wanted to care, she really did. But she couldn't fight it as her heavy eyelids closed, and her light sniffles turned into heavy breaths.

_Alone._

She was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I significantly like this chapter more than my last two ones, even though things do get really bad for Alana at the moment. I'm sorry! But this is a DEH fanfic, you knew what you were signing up for!  
> Also, I personally don't believe that Alana would participate in self-harm regularly, but she probably would do it unconsciously at times, when she's under a lot of pressure. Just wanted to clear that up.  
> And the panic attack described in this chapter is solely based off my own experiences when dealing with them. I know that everyone's experiences are different, so please don't take this as accurate or in any way realistic.   
> Now, some of you may be wondering "Alana's supposed to be smart, how doesn't she know that she's having a panic attack?"  
> And to answer your question, reader who probably wasn't even thinking that in the first place, the way I write Alana is that she's constantly in denial of anything bad that's going on with her. I believe she does know that she's having a panic attack, but she's too ashamed to acknowledge it. Poor girl. Things will get better for her! I promise.  
> Also, 'balloons' was intentionally spelled incorrectly for this. I hate to say that I laughed out loud when reading over that part again.
> 
>  
> 
> And to get personal, even though you probably don't care, it's a certain girl's birthday tomorrow! It's weird, since I feel completely underwhelmed about it. It'll probably feel like another boring day, but oh well! No better way to start off your birthday than writing a redemption chapter. I'll have fun with that!
> 
> And I think that's all! Constructive criticism is always welcome. So, until next time!
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	11. Step Seven (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing right where we left off. A certain brunette shows up at Alana's door. Depression ensues.

Alana snapped her eyes open, perking up in alert when she heard urgent knocking from downstairs. She groaned, squinting at the clock on her bedside table.

_2:42AM_

She blinked, wondering who could've been knocking at that time of night. Her dads were already in bed most likely, and her bunny was surely sleeping. So she was the only one awake.

Alana hissed when she felt the ache of her back as she stood up. She grabbed her glasses, slipping them onto her nose. Choosing to ignore the pain in her body, she rushed to the bathroom.

The first thing she saw when she walked into the room was her reflection, and oh God...

Dried blood was smeared across the tops of her cheeks, it had turned orange due to settling on the skin for more than a few hours. Alana's eyes literally looked dead and crusty, and dried snot rested on the edge of her lips, and at the bottom of her nose.

So in short, she looked like a walking disaster. And the continuous knocking at the door wasn't helping.

Quickly, she turned the tap on, and started splashing semi-hot water onto her face, trying to give it a clean look. Alana rubbed her cheeks aggressively, watching the blood dissolve in with the water and drip past her fingers down the drain. She sniffed, ignoring her stuffy nose in order to see her reflection again.

 _Good enough._ She thought.

Quickly tying up her hair, Alana rushed downstairs, and took a deep breath, grabbing a bottle of pepper spray from one of the drawers in the kitchen (one could never be too sure after all) before unlocking the door, opening it hesitantly.

Out of all the things she expected, she didn't count on seeing a teary-eyed Zoe Murphy standing on her doorstep. Her hair was wild and untamed, while she was in her pajamas. She had no socks or shoes on, so her feet and the bottom of her sweatpants were covered in mud.

Alana stood there, frozen, as she tried to take in the broken girl in front of her. "Zoe?"

And that's what did it.

She burst out crying, then and there, her sobs ringing out across once silent house. Alana stared, completely shocked, unable to comprehend what was happening, that is until Zoe fell to her knees right then and there. That's when Alana finally snapped out of her daze, crouching down to get on Zoe's level.

"Zoe-"

"What's wrong with me, Alana?" Zoe's voice cut through the dreary atmosphere like a knife. Her voice wavered, and her hands were still covering her face.

Alana frowned, placing a hand on the other girl's shoulder, which she flinched away from. "Why are you asking me that? Did- did something happen?" She wanted to smack herself for asking such a stupid question.

Zoe didn't answer her, her breathing was rigid and unnatural, her whole body was tense, as if she was protecting herself from something.

Alana sighed, grabbing Zoe's wrists and peeling her hands from her face. "Hey, why don't we just calm down and come inside? It's freezing out."

The only reply that Zoe gave was a curt nod of the head, that was all Alana needed to be able to drape Zoe's arm over her shoulder, standing her up, wobbling a bit.

"You- you have to help me out a bit, Zoe." She frowned, clearly not strong enough to hold the younger girl up. Zoe sniffed, nodding, standing up straighter.

After they had both gotten situated on Alana's couch, a blanket draped over both of them while Zoe held a cup of hot chocolate in her hands. She finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry..."

Alana snapped her head up, blinking in surprise. "Pardon?"

Zoe didn't look at her, instead, tilting the mug to the side gently, letting the liquid chocolate slosh to the side. "For dragging you into my shit. You shouldn't have to deal with this- with me."

"Don't say that."

"It's true, isn't it?" Zoe muttered. "I just- I don't know how much more I can handle it, Alana."

Said girl shifted closer to her, resting a secure hand on her knee. "Handle what?"

Silence.

"Zoe. Talk to me. Please." She was aware how desperate she sounded, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"You'll only laugh..."

"I won't."

"..."

"I promise." Alana pleaded, squeezing Zoe's knee gently.

After two minutes, with both of them not moving an inch, Zoe finally spoke up. "It's always about him."

"What?"

Zoe finally looked up. Tears had stained her cheeks, and she looked so vulnerable, like a little girl. Her eyes were still glassy and glazed with saltiness, yet that still wasn't Alana's main focus.

"Everything." Zoe said shortly, avoiding direct eye contact with Alana. "For all my life, everything was about Connor. And I'm sick of it." Her voice was harsh, yet soft. She wiped her nose. "I get it. He has problems, and he's trying to get better. But- I-" he voice wavered, "I wish that sometimes, people would just stop, and ask me how my day went, or if I'm okay. But no, not even that..."

Alana stared at her fondly, and Zoe sighed, breaking her eye contact with Alana's leg, instead letting her eyes travel to the ground. "People just forget that I exist at times. It's like I can't even be remembered as 'Zoe Murphy'. I'm known as the psycho kid's sister. And- God, that sounds so shitty! Why can't I just-"

Whatever Zoe was about to say next was cut off by a loud sob breaking from her throat, then another. And soon she was back to crying, she curled up in a tight ball, protecting herself from the harsh words she thought that Alana was throw at her.

But that never came. Instead, Alana held Zoe's free hand gently in her own, shifting closer to her. "It's not selfish, at all."

Zoe looked up once again, her eyes hesitant, but curious.

Okay, Alana took a deep breath, she could do this.  
"Just because your problems aren't bigger than Connor's, doesn't make them any less valid, Zoe."

The brunette scoffed.

"I'm serious! If society went by that logic, then no one would ever be able to complain about _anything_ again. There's always going to be one person who's suffering worse than you, and in theory, there's going to be _another_ person who suffers worse than that person!"

Alana was breathing heavily now, trying to regain her breath, before opening her mouth again to make her next point.

That was cut off my Zoe's amused smile, she let out a small giggle, and Alana frowned. "Are you laughing at me?"

"I- I'm sorry." Zoe snorted, laughing through her tears, "it's just, you're so..."

Alana tensed, bracing herself for the worst.

"Good."

"What?" Alana choked out for what seemed to be the hundredth time that night.

"They'd gotten into an argument again." Zoe answered, ignoring Alana's question and taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "Over Connor's ankle. Dad's not convinced that... Yeah."

Alana looked down. She still hadn't apologized to Zoe, it didn't seem to matter to the brunette at the moment. It still wasn't fair though.

"Zoe, I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice as delicate as a butterfly's wing.

"I know."

"Aren't you mad at me?"

"Yeah," she tapped her cup rhythmically. "I am."

"Then why are you here?"

Zoe closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. "Because you're the only one who understands."

Only Alana could've understood the deeper implications of that meaning. Of course she didn't have her own broken family to pick up the pieces of, but she knew what feelings Zoe was facing from it. Empathy was all she felt for the taller girl. She doubted that Zoe would appreciate pity though, her pride usually allowed her not to let anyone know what she was truly feeling.

Except for Alana. Even after everything she'd done.

How could she react to that? The only way that Alana could think of was wrapping her arms around the younger girl. Instead of the cold reaction that Alana was expecting, Zoe immediately relaxed into it, placing her mug on the coffee table in front of her.

"Not even Evan?" Alana asked softly, her insecurities clouding her judgement. Of course she would be thinking of her "crush" at the worst time, but that was Alana. She wasn't sure whether it made her selfish or human. Probably both since humans were naturally selfish creatures.

Zoe chuckled slightly, "not even Evan."

Alana felt warm again. Not the type of warmth that made a person's body sweaty and uncomfortable. Just a metaphorical type of warmth. One that made tingles spread across her skin and a deep fondness rest within her stomach.

"What you do was really shitty, Alana."

She sighed, nodding. "I know."

"But I shouldn't have reacted that way." Zoe pulled back from the hug.

"No!" Alana said a bit too loudly, making Zoe flinch. "You were justified. It's my fault completely."

"Well, it is your fault, but it's also Connor's too. That's the type of behaviour that I would expect from him though, not from you."

"I'm really sorry, I-"

"You're starting to sound like Evan." Zoe was looking at her with that same look of amusement, it had to mean that Alana was doing something right, at least.

"Is that a bad thing?"

Zoe hummed, "yes, and no."

They both laughed. Though there wasn't anything truly funny about the situation, it was a reaction that happened on impulse. When someone doesn't know any other way to react to a certain thing so they do something ridiculous to fill in the gaping hole of silence.

"Seriously though Zoe. I don't want to do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"Just - this? You not sitting with us at lunch, the group being separated."

"I thought that you would've liked the alone time with Connor?"

"Jared's there too-"

"I know that, but-"

"-and I think I'm over Connor?"

Whatever Zoe was about to say next wasn't spoken out loud, she stared at Alana for a moment before sighing in relief. "Thank God."

Alana blinked. "Pardon?"

"Listen, Alana, I know it isn't really my business to tell, actually, I don't think that he gives a fuck if I'm being completely honest. But Connor's gay."

Well, that wasn't really anything new to Alana. It made her confused though, she furrowed her eyebrows. "I thought you said that you didn't know if he liked girls."

"I did. I lied."

"What? Why?"

"I'm sorry, 'Lana," Zoe looked at her shamefully. "It's just, when you described Connor being an 'outlier' or whatever to you, I thought that maybe you could be the same with him? Maybe you two could make it work? I didn't want you to be upset."

Should Alana have been angry? If she was being completely honest, yes. Her friend had lied to her after all, but she really didn't care. She had no interest in being with Connor anyways.

And besides that, it was quite easy to tell that Connor was gay. She was starting to worry whether Zoe was going blind from her obliviousness. It did make more sense that she knew now though.

Maybe that was just her homosexual side talking. She didn't know.

So instead of the reaction that Zoe expected to get, Alana let out a light chuckle. "What? How long have you known that?"

"Since he was like fourteen? I think I knew he was gay before he knew himself." Zoe shrugged. "He's not excactly 'in the closet' either. Still, sorry for not saying anything."

"This was supposed to be my time to apologize!"

"Well, I stole it."

Alana shoved her lightly. "Your acting skills are phenomenal though. You should do theatre."

The brunette snorted, pulling her knees up to her chest. "You wish."

"I personally think that you would make a great Juliet, excuse you!" Alana stuck out her hand and started counting with her fingers as she spoke. "You have a good memory, you're pretty, and as I said, you're-"

"Did you just call me pretty?"

"...Yes?"

"That's sweet of you. Thanks."

They both smiled. And they were left in a comfortable silence. Zoe picked up the mug, taking a sip of her drink silently, with a small smile of satisfaction on her face.

"Thank you, Alana." She said quietly.

"For the compliment?" The smaller girl questioned, tilting her head.

"No. For just... Being here. Listening." She took another long sip of cocoa. "Not many people do that with me, especially when I've yelled at them beforehand."

"Zoe, I told you that it's okay."

"Still? I guess it's whatever now." She shook her head, her eyes dropping on Alana's form again, before her eyes shifted downwards. "Hey, what happened to your arms?"

"What?"

"Your arms. They have like, scabs on them." Zoe furrowed her eyebrows, "and is that dried blood?"

Alana blinked, cursing at herself mentally for forgetting to wash the excess blood off her arms. She had completely forgotten about them when she went to sleep. The older girl pulled her sleeves over the crimson crescents.

"It's nothing. I just got a bit stressed before."

"What?" Zoe shook her head, as if she didn't know how to comprehend the situation. "Alana. Did you do that to yourself?"

"I didn't have the intention of doing it! It honestly was an accident, I promise."

Zoe stared at her sadly, clearly familiar with the situation. "That doesn't make it any better."

"Listen, it's the first time this has _ever_ happened with me. I just have to learn better coping mechanisms-"

"Alana. We talked about you giving yourself a break from all of this. I mean, prom committee? Really? That's not what I meant when I said that you needed a break, you know."

"I can handle it! I'll have you know that I've already got the theme sorted out. What are your thoughts on the theme of music?"

Zoe paused. "Music?"

"Yeah!" Alana perked up. "I wanted to try something that not many schools do. I thought that the theme of music was perfect. Although I don't personally favour it by any means, many people enjoy music!"

"That sounds awesome, really. But you're changing the topic." Zoe grabbed Alana's hands, holding them in with her own delicately.

Unlike what Alana had thought before coming into contact with her, Zoe's hands weren't soft by any means. They had calluses engraved into the creases, clearly from hours of practice at Jazz Band, and they had a rough texture to them altogether. Quite a contrast to Alana's soft, delicate hands that she always took time to moisturise and clean, even on her most stressful days.

Still, Zoe's hands had a certain charm to them. They were familiar, and they were always warm, never sweaty. The best part was Zoe's nails too. Unlike her toes, Zoe had a strict pattern whenever she painted her fingernails. She would paint one nail a light colour, and then another nail would be painted something dark, and the process would repeat.

It seemed as though this week's theme was yellow and purple. It was fascinating, really. Since both colours were on opposite ends of the colour wheel yet still managed to fit together so well.

"Zoe. I'm fine, honestly. At least now that you're here." Wow, could Alana have gotten any less cheesier?

Zoe didn't seem to mind though, she grinned. "That's good to hear at least. But you are overworking yourself. Tell you what, it's Saturday tomorrow, well, technically, it's today, but still. Why don't we spend the weekend doing stupid shit?"

"Oh please, I'm not doing anything illegal!"

"Of course not!" Zoe chuckled, "I'm not dumb. Just stuff like shoving enough ice-cream into our mouths to give our brains hypothermia!"

"That... Doesn't sound bad, actually." Alana leaned back, relaxing her tense muscles slightly. "What are you going to do about Connor and your dad?"

Zoe faltered, taking a couple of seconds before answering. "I don't know. Ignore it? It's kinda what I always do in these sort of situations."

"Zoe..."

"I thought things were getting better, but they don't seem to be. They're still fighting, and I'm always stuck in the middle of it. Connor's still pissed at me for the hospital incident, and dad just keeps expecting me to take his side for it." Zoe bit her lip, clearly nervous. In an attempt to give her comfort, Alana drew circles on her palm.

"Why not talk to them about it?"

"I've tried." She answered bluntly. That was the only explanation Alana needed.

"Oh."

Zoe then laughed lightly, trying to diffuse the tension. "I guess both of our lives are shitty at the moment, huh?"

Alana nodded. "That weekend to ourselves does sound like a good cure."

"So, does that mean you're in?"

The smaller girl frowned. "I have so much that could be done on that weekend though, as fun as it sounds. Like babysitting, tutoring sessions, volunteering at the local animal shelter..."

"Who said we couldn't do that on the weekend?"

Alana stared at Zoe, her mouth agape. "You would do all of that with me?"

"Sure! It sounds fun." Zoe leaned against her, her voice growing deeper and more rough. She rested her head on Alana's shoulder, inhaling the older girl's scent. "Besides, it wouldn't look bad on my college applications~"

Alana groaned, pushing her away. She instantly regretted that decision, but thought better of it than to get too close to Zoe.

"Okay then. I'm in."

"Yay~" Zoe yawned, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Hey 'Lana, do you mind if I stay here for the night?"

"It's morning."

"Oh, you know what I mean." Zoe huffed.

"Of course. But I have another question to ask you."

"Go ahead."

"Why were your dad and Connor fighting so late?"

"Oh." Zoe shrugged. "They weren't. I left the house at nine."

"What?"

"I basically just went to Nando's, stayed in there for an hour or two. When I realised I couldn't go home, I cried, and then I ended up here."

"That's... Oddly blunt."

"Maybe." Zoe stood up, stumbling a bit. "I guess I'm just too tired to care at this point."

"Well, the guest bedroom is upstairs. Do you want another pair of pajamas?" Alana asked, standing up and holding Zoe's waist to steady her balance.

"Well, the pajamas I'm wearing are pretty much fucked right now. Do you mind if I just sleep in my underwear? I'm really tired."

Alana's mouth went dry at the proposal, but she nodded regardless, "uh, of course! It's not like anyone's going to walk in on you!" Wow. Did that actually just come out of her mouth? She clearly wasn't thinking about her words at the moment. Anything was better than silence though.

Zoe nodded, unfazed by Alana's bold choice of words. "Really, Alana, I can't thank you enough for this." She placed her hand on the smaller girl's shoulder. "You're a Godsend."

She tilted her head. "Pardon?"

Zoe laughed, shaking her head. "Never mind, it's just a saying." She grabbed her mug, bringing into the kitchen and washing it before coming back out, looking at Alana. "You coming?"

"Oh, yeah, of course."

They both travelled upstairs, not saying anything to eachother except for a simple "goodnight" before parting ways to their respective rooms.

When Alana closed her door, she let out a long needed breath that she didn't know she had been holding. Unable to properly process what had happened, she decided to do the best option and go to her desk.

She skimmed through her draws, looking through various sheets and notes for school, before her eyes landed on a familiar list that Alana had refused to pick up in days, though that was enough time for it to have been crumpled from having various notes and books lay on top of it while folded.

She quickly took out a pen from her pencil holder, scribbling down a few notes before slipping the paper back into her draw, closing it and making her way to her bed.

_Step_ _seven-_ _apologize._

_Check._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night, I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry."  
> I feel so smart for adding this to correspond to the song from one of my earlier chapters. There goes the 'show-don't-tell' rule.  
> Besides that! This scene was originally deleted from said chapter, and I'm glad that I was able to fit it in somewhere else! It makes me feel accomplished.  
> Oh, and an explanation: this is the original reason why I started shipping Galaxy Gals. Although in the original show, Zoe and Alana don't converse with eachother, I find their situations quite similar. And woooow, their relationship isn't explored all that much in fanfiction and that's wasted potential to me. I mean, there's so much that can happen between these two gals! Be creative.  
> And I'm not going to lie, the line "because you're the only one who understands" inspired me a lot to even start this. Blame the song 'hiding in your hands' for that one.
> 
> Anyways, constructive criticism is always welcome!
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	12. Step Eight (And Another Realisation)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some family bonding, and some friendly bonding. Along with the start of brooding jealously for Alana.

_Step_ _E_ _ight-_ _gain enough courage to ask her out._

"Hi sweetie." Her father kissed Alana's cheek as she sat down for breakfast. She picked up her toast and took a bite of it, admiring the warm atmosphere of their kitchen and the smell of burnt toast. Only her father could mess up a task as simple as that, Alana smiled to herself passively, wondering how many tries it took for him to get it right.

"Good morning." She chirped out, "where's dad?"

"He's still asleep." He said, taking his place across the table from Alana.

"He needs to learn how to wake up early." Alana rolled her eyes. Honestly, how was she more mature than people who were older than her? But she wasn't complaining in the end. She was used to meeting countless people who didn't take life as seriously as she did.

"Who can blame him though? We stayed up late last night until it was really late."

"I specifically told dad _not_ to do that!"

"No. You told him not to come home late, at least from what he told me."

Alana huffed. "I'm not arguing with you on this. I know what I said." And she did. Though, she wasn't going to admit her mistake easily.

Her father took a bite of his own toast, waiting before he swallowed to say, "are you calling your dad a liar?"

"Perhaps."

Her father chuckled, shaking his head. "I have no idea where you get that attitude from."

"Probably from you, dad's too much of a teddy bear to have an attitude." Alana allowed herself to grin, taking another bite of her toast while sipping her orange juice. "Oh, I also forgot to tell you. My friend Zoe came here last night."

"Oh, that's good! She's a a lovely girl, she brings out the best in you, sweetie." Her father nodded approvingly, ignoring Alana's groaning, sipping at his coffee. "Is she still here now?"

"Yeah, in the guest bedroom." Alana hummed, running her hand through her braids. "She'll be up in an hour or two."

"She sounds just like your dad." He barked out a laugh, shaking his head. "I'll be gone for work by then, tell her I said hi, please?"

Alana nodded. "Sure!"

As predicted, two hours later, the familiar frame of Zoe entered Alana's vision while she was in the middle of watching an episode of SpongeBob. Alana found herself being extremely thankful for Zoe's entrance, as she was completely lost on the weird plot at this point. Is this really what she liked as a child? 

The younger girl chuckled, sitting next to Alana. "I haven't watched this in years."

Alana smiled, not taking her eyes off the screen while handing Zoe an orange juice box she'd saved for her, remembering how the younger girl had commented on it once, saying she still liked drinking orange juice boxes occasionally, despite having grown out of them in a lot of ways. "Is nostalgia hitting you hard?"

"Definitely." Zoe drawled out sarcastically, removing the plastic straw from its packaging and stabbing it into the box, taking a small sip. "Why are you watching this, actually?"

"Because I was waiting for you to wake up, and I thought you would appreciate my effort of supplying you with entertainment." Alana sighed, finally looking at Zoe.

She had put on a fresh pair of Alana's pajamas, which seemed to be slightly too short on the legs and torso, exposing her ankles and a bit of her stomach. Though Alana would have commented on the lack of modesty of it, Zoe didn't seem to mind. And that's what counted.

"Well, your efforts are appreciated." Zoe said, keeping her eyes locked on the screen. "And what's the deal with the juice box? You hate this stuff."

"I do. The plastic straws irritate me a lot. But I wanted to buy them for when you came over." Alana offered the taller girl a small smile, to which she returned.

"That's nice of you, thanks." Zoe hummed, inspecting the juice box in her hand. "You know, I think I'll try to give up this stuff myself. Plastic straws are bad for the environment after all, right?"

"What?" Alana looked at her in shock before coughing, "right! Yes- of course."

Without missing a beat, Zoe nudged her. "You're a bad influence on me, Beck. First you're getting me to volunteer at shelters, and now you're making me give up plastic? Shameful!"

"Oh, the horror." Alana said dryly.

"Sarcasm doesn't look good on you."

"Neither do my pajamas on you."

"Wait, really?" Zoe tugged at the sleeves of the top she was wearing. "I thought that I suit the whole 'short and tight' look well."

"Oh- Zoe!" Alana grabbed a grey pillow, whacking the brunette with it.

Zoe laughed, covering herself. "I'm kidding!"

Alana huffed, setting the grey pillow back down in its original place on the couch. "You're terrible."

"That's not very nice." Zoe cooed, setting the juice box down on the table in front of her.

"Why thank you!" Alana smiled condescendingly. Her face then morphed into seriousness. "But enough with the joking, we have a busy day ahead of us!"

Zoe then froze, her face unreadable for the most part, though, she did show signs of displeasure. Alana frowned, twisting one of her braids around her finger nervously. "What?"

"I'm trying to decide how I feel. On one hand, I really wanna stay here and do nothing. On the other, I wanna be productive and actually help people." Zoe placed her elbow on the armrest of the sofa, resting her head on her hand and biting her lip.

Alana stared at her fondly. Zoe suit the effortless 'girl-next-door' look well, with her hair wild and untamed and her mascara from the night before all splotched and runny. It had dried up on her skin, staining it black. Not that Zoe seemed to care. She still looked beautiful without it.

Perfectly imperfect.

What a lovely oxymoron.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better," Alana placed her hand on Zoe's shoulder, "I'm not giving you a choice, we're going out and being productive human beings. Contributing to soc- ouch!" Alana squeaked as a pillow was flung in her direction. "You-"

"Ah ah ah," Zoe taunted, wagging her finger as a playful smirk graced her lips. "Watch your language with me, young lady."

"I'm older than you!"

"Shhhh." Zoe covered Alana's mouth with her hand. "No more words."

The smaller girl rolled her eyes, refusing to lick Zoe's hand and instead grabbing her wrist, prying it off her mouth. "I'll do what I want."

"You sound like Connor."

"Oh yeah! Speaking of that..." Alana took her phone out of her pocket, as courtesy of already being dressed, and went to her contacts list, tapping the call button and handing the phone to Zoe.

The girl just groaned, trying to push the device back into her hands. "Alana, I'm not in the mood for his shit today."

"You have to talk to him. You know that." Alana pleaded, frowning when a rough voice emitted from the phone's speaker.

"What do _you_ want, Alana?" From the sounds of it, he was having a shitty morning if he was acting hostile.

Zoe in the meantime was frozen, looking like she was trying to decide whether to yell at him or to throw the phone to the other side of the room.

"Tell mom and dad that I'm staying at at 'Lana's for the weekend." She said finally, after a moment of silence. Her voice cracked slightly.

"What?"

"Did you not hear me?" Zoe asked, grabbing the phone off Alana. "Unlike you, Connor, I don't just disappear with no explanation to where I am."

Alana gasped, snatching the phone back off Zoe just as Connor started shouting at her back and ended the call. "Zoe!"

"Oh don't tell me it isn't true." Zoe muttered, slumping back against the couch and crossing her arms angrily.

"You told me he was getting better..."

Zoe paused. "I did, didn't I?" She sighed, "God, I guess I'm just taking all my anger out on him."

With great boldness, Alana's wrapped and arm around Zoe's shoulder, rubbing it in an attempt to comfort her. It was then that she realised how close they were to eachother. Even if they had been closer the night before, it still made Alana tremble nervously, although she would never show it. "It's okay to be angry at him."

"I know. It's not entirely his fault though." Zoe muttered. "Sorry about saying that I'll stay for the weekend. I can go somewhere else if you don't want me here."

"No, it's fine. I'll just have to talk to my dads about it. Father said hi, by the way." Alana answered, moving her hand up to rake her fingers through Zoe's hair gently, as an attempt to comb it. It was an act she did on instinct, without any thoughts put into it, she should have been aware that it would make Zoe's hair greasy. But the younger girl didn't mind, instead leaning into the touch, fluttering her eyes closed and letting a him of relaxation escape from her.

"That's nice..." Alana couldn't tell whether Zoe was referring to what she just said, or her hands playing with her hair. Whatever it was, it made the smaller girl feel warm.

It was actually pretty relaxing in all honesty. The slapstick sounds from the TV were foreign to the girls at this point and the glittering rays of the sun peaked through the shutters of the windows in the living room. Alana admitted that the sofa wasn't the comfiest thing she had ever sat on, in fact, the Murphy's sofa was so much more beautiful and comfortable, it expressed its quality quite well, as opposed to Alana's old, green couch. At the moment, however, she could've stayed on it forever.

Then the moment was ruined when Zoe's phone vibrated. If the girls had been talking, they wouldn't have heard it. It was mostly just the sounds of the trembling phone reacting with the smooth skin of Zoe's hip.

Wait, what? Alana watched as Zoe perked up, carefully stretching the waistband of the pajama bottoms she was wearing (Alana had never been a fan of sweatpants) and taking the phone out from what seemed to be the thin lining of her panties.

She didn't seem to notice Alana's overwhelming blush as she tucked her hair behind her ear absentmindedly, letting out a slight laugh as her eyes scanned the broken screen.

With curiousity, Alana shifted closer to the brunette, watching the screen through squinted eyes.

_Me: cant, hanging out with_ _lana_ _for the weekend :P_

_Ev: That's okay!!_

_Ev: Maybe another time?_

_Ev: Wait that's dumb I'm sorry! Just ignore that!_

_Me: lmao, its fine Ev. remember that cool place I told you about?_

_Ev: The cafe?_

_Me: yep! That one_

_Me: ive started playing music there like I said, if you wanna watch me?_

_Ev: Of course!_

_Ev: Wait, no._

_Ev: Cool, I'll go._

_Me: omg, youre so cute. How about next weekend? It can be only us_

_Ev: As a_ _dtaew_

_Me: yes Evan. As a_ _dtaew_

_Ev: Don't make fun of me!!_

_Me: my sincerest apologies_

_Me: yes Ev, as a date :)_

Alana froze, rereading over that line twice before it fully processed in her mind.

Shit.

_Ev: Really??_

_Me: sure! We can even get lunch after_

_Me: if you want of course_

_Ev:_ _bxhsjCf_ _,_ _wjiziahHh_

_Me: ????_

_Me: are you ok?_

_Ev:_ _sorrt_ _! Id like that a lot!_

_Me: great!_

_Me: I'll pick you up at 6?_

_Ev:_ _oiay_ _!! I cant wait!_

_Me: me neither lol_

_Ev: thank_ _yoj_ _!_

_Me: for what?_

_Ev: for_ _gjving_ _me a_ _chanve_

_Me: you_ _dont_ _need to thank me_

_Me: I like you_

_Me: youre sweet_

_Ev: I like you too!!!_

_Ev: waittr_

_Me: haha, I get it_

_Me: have to go now tho_

_Me: talk to you later?_

_Ev: Sure!!_

_Me: see you_

_Ev: Bye Zoe :D_

As dramatic as it sounded, Alana felt her heartbeat skyrocket as her fears were confirmed. Of course Zoe liked Evan, it wasn't as much of a shock as it was a dismay.

As much as she expected it though, Alana still couldn't deter the question from her mind: _why him?_

Sure, Evan was sweet and nice. But that honestly wasn't enough to compete with Alana, who had several trophies, medals and accomplishments all placed around her house in an organised scatter. What did Evan have compared to that? A measly apprenticeship working at a park over the summer? Please, if she could, Alana would have done three apprenticeships at the same time during the school year.

And then she felt guilty. Evan was her friendly acquaintance, it wasn't practical to think of him in such a negative light. She couldn't help but think of what Evan had that she didn't though.

Did Zoe just prefer people who were taller than her? People with blonde hair? Guys in general?

As much as Zoe couldn't control her preferences, Alana was still agitated with her choice (although it wasn't really a choice, since Zoe seemed to be naturally attracted to Evan). In the end however, she was just annoyed, mostly with herself. Her stupid plan should've worked, she was so close to finally being able to ask Zoe out.

Apparently, Zoe just wasn't interested.

_And that's okay_ , Alana tried to convince herself. Consent was an important factor in a relationship after all. It still stung though.

"You're going on a date with Evan?" Alana tried to hide the heartbreak from her voice, watching as Zoe smiled widely while tucking the phone back in between the waistband of her panties.

"It seems so." Zoe answered, laughing. "You know, if you and Connor weren't such a gay disasters-"

"I am _not_ a disast-"

"-then we could've went on a double date."

Alana succumbed to staring at Zoe with a stone face as the other girl laughed, "it'd be fun!"

"I disagree." Alana mumbled, looking down at her shoes, her usual spirit for debating and bantering gone.

Zoe seemed to notice this, since she tipped Alana's chin up and have her the warmest smile she could muster through her excitement. "Hey, this is still our weekend. It's just a date 'Lana,  it's not as if this has ruined our friendship." She joked.

_No, it's only ruined something much more than that._

What was she thinking? Her measly little "crush" wasn't more important than her and Zoe's friendship. Yet it still felt like it. Alana wasn't blind though, it was her being a dramatic teenager. Even if her feelings for Zoe were more than a small attraction, she still wasn't going to ruin Zoe's happiness by confessing to her right when things were starting to look up again for the younger girl.

Alana owed her this. She was not going to let anything as pathetic as jealousy control her like she knew some people did. She wouldn't allow it.

How far would she go to sustain her pride however? That question made chills burst across her skin. It scared her a lot.

"So, uh, Evan Hansen? How did that happen?" Alana asked, recomposing her posture.

"I don't know really," Zoe hummed, "I guess I learned how nice he really is. It's a wonder how I've never noticed him before."

"Yeah..." Alana coughed. "Well, I wish you two the best of luck! And what did you mean about playing music?"

"What?"

"You know, when you said about playing music at the café?"

"Oh! Yeah, I thought that since I've just started writing my own music, why not share my songs?"

"You've started writing songs?"

"Yeah, it's not really anything big, I guess that it's a coping mechanism." Zoe didn't need to mention what she was coping with for Alana to know. There was a sense of understanding linked between the two. Zoe had already chalked up some of the stuff on her mind, and it would be quite a while until she opened up like that again. And as curious as Alana was, she respected Zoe's decisions on what to tell her and what not.

"I'll watch you sometime!"

"You know you don't have to?"

"I know, but I want to."

"Well, okay then. I'd like that."

They grinned at eachother. Alana's was more plastic while Zoe's was genuine. Sounded accurate, she supposed.

"Zoe, when did you get here?"

Both girls jumped at the third person's question, and turned to see Alana's dad standing in the doorway of the living room, yawning.

"Just last night Alan, I hope you don't mind?" Alana could never understand how Zoe managed to talk to her dads with such comfort, as if she were talking to her own friends from Jazz Band. Though, if all came down to it, Alana did admit that her dads were chill, maybe even too chill. They'd probably let Alana get away with murder if she could. Luckily, Alana wasn't a glutton for blood, and she refrained from thinking of such cruel acts.

"Not at all! You're welcome here anytime Zoe. It's good that you're keeping Alana company."

Alana sighed, closing her eyes in annoyance. "Dad."

"I'm only saying!" He defended.

"Well, Zoe has to get dressed now, so if you'll excuse us." She drawled out, going to grab Zoe's hand before stopping herself, biting her lip, "come with me please."

She saw Zoe's confused frown as Alana span on her heel and went to walk upstairs. "Oh, yeah, we're going out today too! Don't wait up dad."

"Wouldn't expect any less from my bouncing ray of sunshine!"

She groaned, not looking back at him as she quickened her pace up the steps.

"It was nice seeing you Zoe!" Alana's dad called out,

"You too, Alan!" Zoe giggled, all too pleased with herself. "I'll make sure to take care of your bouncing ray of sunshine while we're out."

Alana sighed. She should've expected that.

This was going to be a long day.

Especially with the growing urge to hold Zoe's hand (once again).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Sorry I didn't update on Tuesday. I have no excuse, I'm just lazy.  
> L o v e that for me.  
> But besides that, the truth is out! And as much as I love me some galaxy gals, I am semi-excited to start writing more interactions between Evan and Zoe. The primary ship though in this fic is still Zoe and Alana, so don't worry if that's what you're here for.  
> And I think that's all!   
> Constructive criticism is always welcome!
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	13. In Which Alana Has No Idea What To Do With Her Now Abandoned List And Decides To Ignore It (for the time being)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana and Zoe have (another) day out!

"Awww, they're so cute! Alana can we adopt one?" Zoe cooed, poking her finger between the bars of one of the cages. Trying to reach a golden Pomeranian.

"Zoe, we're here to walk them, not adopt them." Alana rolled her eyes, but still let a small smile play at her lips at Zoe's childishness. "I'm on a schedule."

"But look at them!" Zoe turned to face her, pouting playfully and tilting her head in the most adorable way.

"Yes Zoe, I am looking at them." Alana pointed out as one of the workers passed by them, nodding at Alana in approval as he gave her the keys to the cages. Clearly holding a great amount of trust in her to not do anything stupid with them.

"Remember Alana, don't take them by the lake-"

"-In the park. You have absolutely nothing to worry about David! I've never had any trouble with walking them before." She said cheerfully, handing the leads to Zoe while unlocking two of the cages. She'd already memorised the two dogs she was told that they were allowed to walk. One of them happened to be the bouncy Pomeranian that Zoe had set her eye on (luckily).

It was also great that Zoe had some experience working with dogs at the shelter too, she didn't have as much as Alana, but she still had enough to have signed in the paperwork and did the training on proper dog walking techniques. It would've been quite awkward if she couldn't volunteer and had to wait for Alana otherwise.

Zoe squealed happily as Alana freed the Pomeranian from his cage, stroking his fur with great enthusiasm.

David laughed. "You like Sunny?"

"That's his name?" Zoe asked, scratching behind the dog's ear. "He's so fucking adorable!" She then gasped, covering her mouth.

"Zoe, it's fine to swear in front of the dogs. They're not children." Alana huffed, hooking the clasp of the lead onto a brown whippet, stroking the dog gently.

"I do it all the time." David commented.

"I know, but..." Zoe paused, putting Sunny on his own leash and standing to her full height. "I still don't like doing it. They're like kids to me."

Why was Zoe so cute? It wasn't fair, especially when Alana had already started the process of trying to get over her. It was never too early to start setting her sights even higher than Zoe after all (though, it was proving to be difficult, especially when there barely was anyone who could measure up to Zoe's... Awesomeness).

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Zoe." David said, leading the two girls to the front entrance of the building. Turning to them. "Let me go through this one more time-"

"Sunny and Beaver have different personalities. Sunny's bouncy and barks a lot while Beaver's more laid back and tame. Sunny also likes to rub his face into grass so we'll keep him away from it. If anything happens to them we'll call you straight away, and we'll have them back at our scheduled time, in one to two hours tops. Did I miss anything?"

"I... No?" David said, completely dumbfounded. From the corner of her eye, Alana saw Zoe stifle a laugh, and stood up straighter to show her pride for making brunette happy. She then lead Beaver out of the shelter, Zoe and Sunny following behind them.

"Okay." Zoe said as soon as they crossed the street. "Who names a dog 'Beaver'?"

Alana choked out a laugh, clearly surprised. "What?"

"I'm being serious here! They're an entire different species! It's like naming a rabbit 'eagle'."

"Okay, you have a point." Alana shrugged, walking to the entrance of the park. She visibly winced when she heard Sunny's high-pitched barking at the sight of all the other dogs and people at the park. Zoe stared at the dog blankly, pulling at the sleeves of her (borrowed) pink blouse.

"I think I underestimated the loudness of this dog." She commented, looking at Alana pleadingly, "switch with me?"

"What?" Alana frowned at her. " _You_ wanted to walk Sunny!"

"That was before I discovered how loud he was! Beaver's fur compliments my hair more!" Alana giggled, shaking her head and walking ahead of Zoe.

"And you wanted to adopt one of these." Alana shook her head, "I bet if one of them defecated right now I'd be the one to pick it up."

Zoe scrunched her nose in disgust, "you're not wrong."

"I know."

They walked onto the stone path, avoiding the grass while taking in the warm atmosphere around them. Alana wrapped the loop of Beaver's lead around her wrist as she tightened the indigo bandana she'd decided to wear for the hot day. Sighing when Zoe started talking again.

"So... Can we still-"

"No."

"Wow, okay then."

* * *

 

"Your friend's hot."

Alana coughed, choking on the chocolate chip cookie she was currently eating. "What?!"

The thirteen year old in front of her shrugged, looking at the history textbook in front of him boredly, flipping through the pages. "It's true. She makes me actually wanna pay attention."

Alana narrowed her eyes threateningly at him. Annoyed and a little hurt at the comment, mainly because of the greasy comments about Zoe while she was in the bathroom.

She shifted in her seat, containing her growing anger while swatting his hand away from the book, flipping the page back to the correct chapter in the book. "Luke, please focus on studying."

"But it's boring."

"You see, with that attitude it's easy to see why your mother hired me. Now, you've had five minutes to read." She closed the textbook, sliding it to the other end of the dining table so he wouldn't be able to see any answers or reach it. "In what year did the California Gold Rush begin?"

"Uh..."

"1848!" Zoe said happily, skipping into the room.

"Yeah, that." He nodded.

"I asked Luke." Alana muttered, ignoring the boy's snickering from the other side of the table.

"Oops?" Zoe said sheepishly, plopping down next to him. "Just consider it an extra boost of help."

Alana sighed, shaking her head. Zoe grabbed a cookie from the bowl that Luke's mom had set out for them, biting a huge chunk out of it before scrunching her nose in disgust, looking at Luke with a mix of horror and betrayal. "Why are there raisins in this?!" She practically shouted with her mouth full of cookie excrement.

"She likes raisins!" He said defensively.

"Alana!" Zoe drawled out the last syllable of the smaller girl's name while looking at her pleadingly. Alana rolled her eyes, taking a packet of napkins out of her bag she had placed securely on her lap, pulling out a single napkin and holding it out in front of Zoe's mouth expectingly.

Zoe got the message immediately, spitting out the slobber covered cookie carcass onto the napkin. Alana sneered and resisted the urge to drop the damp napkin onto the table, instead wrapping it up delicately and throwing it into the nearest trashcan available. Due to the saliva on her hands, she was forced to go to the kitchen to wash her hands.

"We're supposed to be setting an example for Luke!" She called out from the kitchen, before coming back into the dining room to see both Zoe and Luke putting their hands all over the cookies, inspecting them with close eyes. Alana groaned, sitting back down in her chair. "We're _also_ supposed to be teaching him history. Stop that!" She said, pulling the bowl of cookies away from their hands. "You're as bad as him."

Zoe only shrugged, and before Alana could say anything else, the young boy from beside the brunette laughed heartily. It was honestly the first time Alana had ever heard him laugh, not just let out a condescending snicker at one of her mistakes, but a loud laugh that had him throwing his head back.

"I wish you were my tutor!" He said to Zoe. The other girl deflated in her seat, although she didn't particularly enjoy Luke's company, it still stung a bit.

The brunette seemed to notice this however. She paused, frowning at Luke. "Don't say that. Alana's an excellent tutor. I mean, if you had me, you would most definitely fail history." She grinned slyly, "and that means you wouldn't get your Xbox back~"

And just like that, the boy's attention was focused solely on Alana for the rest of the session. Although he got most of the questions she asked wrong, it was still a proper start to getting him back on track in his classes. She mentally thanked Zoe for the help, even if the younger girl spent the rest of the session sampling to see if the cookies were chocolate chip or raisin.

* * *

 

Alana cringed as she heard the high-pitched screams of the twin girls from the living room. She immediately dropped the pajamas she had picked out for the girls to wear for bedtime, and rushed downstairs to find the two six year olds wrestling eachother to the ground. Zoe (who had previously been trying to break the girls apart with foreign gentleness) grabbed one of them, picking the screaming girl up.

"Anna! Olivia!" She bellowed, grabbing the other twin's wrist, keeping her from attacking her sister again. "You do _not_ hit eachother! What have I told you?"

"She took my crayon though!" Anna shouted from Zoe's arms, kicking her feet in anger.

Olivia shook her head. "Did not!"

" _Yes you did you liar!_ "

Olivia immediately tugged her wrist away from Alana's grasp, hitting her sister with as much force as a five year old could muster. Anna kicked the other girl backwards, sending her flying into the couch.

Zoe groaned from over the screaming. And Alana took deep breaths to try and calm her spiralling nerves. "Take Anna into the kitchen, and I'll keep Olivia here."

The brunette nodded, carrying the now sobbing girl into the kitchen shakily. She kicked the door behind her shut, leaving Alana alone with the other twin, who grabbed the pillows on the couch, and threw them in different directions, screaming nonsense at the top of her lungs.

Keeping her composure, Alana gently grabbed Olivia's hand, and kneeled down in front of her so she was at the same level as the five year old, looking at her straight in the eye.

"Olivia, listen to me." She ignored the girl's dull nails scratching at her arm, only flinching slightly. "I'm not going to tolerate this behaviour from y-" Alana shrieked as Olivia bit her hand, pulling it away from the young girl quickly. Olivia immediately took this as a sign to start running. She sprang off the couch, sprinting upstairs.

Ignoring the burning sensation in her palm, Alana raced after the girl. After two minutes of running around the upstairs, her lungs started to scream for air, and she felt sweat drip down her body. After four minutes, Alana found it difficult to keep hold of the screaming girl as she carried her downstairs, panting slightly to even out her breathing.

As soon as they were back in the living room, Alana crouched to Olivia's height again, instead of holding only one of her wrists this time, she held both, keeping her steady. "Olivia!" She said loudly this time, putting emphasis on the girl's name. Olivia continued to ignore Alana, squirming and crying garishly in her hands. "You are going in time out because you decided to hit your sister, bite and run away from me."

"No!" Olivia bellowed, "I don't wanna!"

Alana ignored her, trying to control her seeping anger while guiding the girl to the corner of the living room. As soon as she placed Olivia in the corner, the girl immediately ran off.

_Take deep breaths, Alana. Don't cry. This will all be worth it when you've made enough money for a car._ She bit her tongue to keep herself from screaming in frustration, going on another chase for Olivia.

_Just think, getting the bus or constantly expecting a ride from Zoe is worse than this._

As Alana put Olivia in the corner for the second time though, with a bruise most likely forming on her knee, she was finding that even more hard to believe, especially when the girl ran off again.

After what seemed like the 76th chase, Alana was finally able to get Olivia to stay in the corner. In usual circumstances, she would've felt empathetic for the sobbing girl, who was begging Alana to let her off time out. She kept strong composure though. Alana didn't turn out the way she did without proper discipline by her dads after all. The twins' parents also gave Alana the strict rule of not letting the kids control her. That was luckily easy to follow, since the teenager was used to being in control of the situation.

After five minutes of being in time-out, Olivia was allowed to roam around again. She sat next to Alana hesitantly, drawing her knees up to her chest.

"Do you have anything to say to me, Olivia?"

The girl didn't answer. She wiped her nose and tears all on her sleeve. Alana shivered in disgust at the blatant disregard for the cleanliness of the five year old's clothes, before indeed remembering that she was in fact five years old, and didn't care about stuff like that.

"Well? Do you?"

"I'm sorry for hurting you." She said quietly, biting her nails.

Alana softened her gaze when looking at Olivia, rubbing her shoulder gently. "Thank you for apologising to me. Do you think you can say sorry to Anna next?"

Olivia shook her head begrudgingly, looking down at her feet in shame. Alana sighed, relaxing slightly. "You have to, Olivia. You hurt her."

"She started it though." The young girl said in a delicate voice, tugging at the damp sleeves of her shirt.

"I don't care who started it. It's still not right to hurt people. Would you hit mommy or daddy if they made you mad?"

"...No."

"So what makes it okay to hit Anna?" Alana deliberately made her tone softer, and more gentle, rubbing the girl's shoulders in an attempt to comfort her.

"I dunno."

Alana allowed herself to smile at the victory, opting to sit next to Olivia until Zoe was done with the other twin. "You're not a bad kid, Olivia." She said, although, she wasn't entirely sure she believed it, from having babysat the twins beforehand. Which proved to be a lot harder without another person helping out.

"But you hate me."

Alana blinked, completely taken back. "What? No I don't!"

"Yeah you do. You're always mad at me and Anna."

"That doesn't mean that I hate you." She tucked the small girl's hair behind her ear, bringing her legs up to rest on the couch. "I just get mad because I'm worried that you both could hurt yourselves."

"Really?"

"Mhmmm. I'm actually still mad at you now."

"Oh," Olivia looked at her quietly, squinting. "You don't look like it."

"I know. I'm good at not looking how I feel."

Olivia nodded, looking at the door to the kitchen, wringing her fingers. "Alana?"

"Yeah?" She asked, pulling away from the five year old. Alana looked to the where Olivia's eyes were set, noting that Zoe should be done any minute.

"Is Zoe your girlfriend?"

If Alana were drinking any kind of beverage at the moment, she was sure that she would've spit it out in a cliché _'I'm so_ _shocked'_ way that was typically used to convey surprise in movies or TV shows. She stared at Olivia with wide eyes, unable to process the question immediately.

"Why would you ask that?" She croaked out, cursing her voice mentally for sounding so dull.

"I dunno. You just look at her the way that mommy looks at daddy."

Alana smiled warmly. "With love?"

"No." Olivia shook her head, "with hate."

Alana opened her mouth to respond, before shutting it, having no idea what to say to that.

"It's a good hate though! Mommy said that it's because daddy fustates her a lot."

"The correct term for it is _'frustrate'_ _,_ Olivia." The older girl corrected, trying to contain her amusement. "And no. Zoe isn't my girlfriend."

"But you like her a lot though?"

Honestly, Alana found it humiliating how a five year old could find out about her "crush" in the span of two hours, when she herself didn't know about it until someone else pointed it out to her.

"Maybe." Alana replied shortly.

"You should marry her!"

"Okay, Olivia." She shook her head in amusement. The girl opened her mouth once more, but before she could say anything, the door to the kitchen was opening.

Zoe came out, her hand firmly grasped onto Anna's much smaller one. "So we had a chat." She said, nudging the small girl with a smile of encouragement. "And she has something to say to Olivia."

Anna dropped her gaze to the carpet, crossing her arms stubbornly, "'m sorry," she muttered.

"Like you mean it, Anna."

After a moment, the girl looked up at Olivia. "I'm sorry." Her tone was nervous and she shifted on her feet awkwardly.

Alana nudged the other twin, looking at her expectingly. Olivia sighed, "I'm sorry too."

"Great! Now hug it out!" Zoe said loudly, and Alana glared at her.

"Zoe, don't pres-" Alana paused when she saw Olivia move off the couch and walk over to Anna, wrapping her arms around her twin awkwardly. The other girl responded by mirroring Olivia's pose, hugging her back.

In all the months that Alana had babysat them, she'd never seen the twins actually show physical affection with eachother. She looked at Zoe with wide eyes and came face-to-face with the other girl's cocky smirk.

Damn.

* * *

 

That night, they both sat in Alana's room. Zoe had Spots placed securely on her lap as she scrolled through her phone while Alana was reading a book at her desk.

"Hey 'Lana."

"Hmmm?"

"I had a good day today." Alana turned to face Zoe, who had switched her position and decided to lounge herself across the bed in a way that would've gotten the smaller girl embarrassed if she ever copied the motion in Zoe's bed. Spots laid comfortably on the brunette's chest as she scratched in between the bunny's ears.

Alana felt so...  Content when looking at the two. She stood up from her desk, slipping a bookmark in between the pages and she walked towards the bed, sitting next to Zoe. "So did I." She said softly, rubbing Spots' neck in a way that she specially liked it. "Tomorrow I was thinking-"

"Can we just do nothing tomorrow?"

"Do... Nothing?" Alana repeated dumbly.

"Mhmmm," Zoe leaned her head back to rest on the pillows, closing her eyes. "We don't have to, I just wanted you to have a break for once."

"Oh, well okay then." Alana said hesitantly, "I just haven't had a day where I've done nothing since I was little."

"That makes it all the more special then." Zoe slurred, her hand drooping lazily over Spots' body. Alana opened her mouth to respond but fought against it, watching as Zoe tried to keep her eyes open. It was kind of funny but adorable at the same time, how the brunette's head would brush to the side ever so slightly before perking up again, in the end however, she went limp on the mattress.

Alana looked over the sleeping girl's frame, rolling her eyes, a delicate smile playing on her lips as she picked the bunny up, placing her on the ground next to the bed.

There was absolutely no way that she could pick up Zoe and move her. As much as Alana preached about having a healthy workout routine, her arms had the same strength capacity as a wet noodle. So the only other options were to move Zoe over (just a little) and sleep next to her for the night, or to just sleep on the floor or the guest bedroom.

Although she didn't particularly want to sleep on either of them, she also didn't want to sleep with Zoe.

That sounded incredibly wrong.

But besides that, Alana chose to sleep in the guest bedroom. She didn't like the room that much, it was constantly cold and the bed was hard. It was also full of barely any colour. Just a series of grey bedsheets, white walls and black carpets.

Alana pulled the covers over Zoe, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly while fighting the urge to kiss the brunette's head (or lips). Her mouth hung open, and drool pooled out of it onto Alana's pillow. Yeah, she was slightly disgusted by it, but it was still charming for Zoe though.

Alana let Spots out of the room, picking her up and locking her in the parlour for the night, kissing the bunny goodnight and closing the door. She then went back to her room, switching the lights off for Zoe and closing the door. With a sigh, Alana travelled across the hall to the guest bedroom, opening the door and letting the air cut through her skin like ice. Alana shivered, letting the door close behind her as she laid herself on the bed.

The silence strangled her. If she tried, she was sure that she could hear her own heartbeat, which seemed to be beating at one mile per hour. One thing Alana was grateful for though was how calm the atmosphere was, even if it was unsettling.

Alana slipped under the satin covers, her mind drifting to Zoe. Nothing particularly harmful invaded her thoughts, just another childish daydream. This time both girls were sat by the pond in the park, Zoe's arm wrapped around Alana as they watched the calm ripples dance through the transparent surface of the water, due to soft raindrops.

But then the dream was ruined by the logical side of Alana's brain. Zoe would rather record herself fighting a dog than allow herself to cuddle Alana (who she wasn't interested in) in the rain. It was okay though, it was entertaining to stretch the barriers of her imagination, especially when the images she came up with would never happen in real life.

It was also nice to actually question the aspects of what Alana imagined. Like what would it feel like to actually cuddle Zoe? She had hugged her beforehand, but that never usually lingered for too long. Would Zoe feel soft? Would her body be as rough as her warm hands? Would she wrap her arms around Alana? Or would she wait for the smaller girl to cuddle her instead?

Alana's thoughts only deepened, and she found herself doing a lot more than questioning. All this while holding a small smile to her face.

It would be so warm, opposed to the chilling covers of the guest bed. Alana smiled to herself, burrowing under the sheets, trying to heat them up quickly.

This was wrong though. Zoe didn't like Alana like that, she liked Evan. Alana couldn't seem to process that fully as she her thoughts passed safe territory.

_Zoe kissing her, Zoe's hands grazing the skin of her inner thigh. Zoe touching her most private-_

No no no. Alana hadn't even realised that her hand had travelled lower than intended until she snapped out of her dirty thoughts. She immediately retracted her left hand from under her pajamas and panties, and sprung up from the now extremely hot bed, almost getting tangled and caught up in the covers and rushing to the bathroom to wash her hands thoroughly.

Her eyes travelled down to her left hand again, shivering unpleasantly, grabbing the soap and grinding it against the flesh of her appendage until it stung and the skin started to peel off.

_I can never look at this hand the same way ever again._

She barely got any sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I'm sorry for not updating last week, I know, I'm trash. My updating schedule has just spiralled out of control at this point, but I'm still trying to be faithful by holding onto it.  
> Also, I know, it is repetitive to have three chapters focused solely on Zoe and Alana, but it IS a galaxygals fic, so although it's supposed to be roughly like this, I still wanna mix things up and explore Alana's different relationships with other characters! So I'll try that in the future!  
> And who knows? Maybe I'll even try writing from Zoe's P.O.V! I'm always up for a change!  
> Anyways! Constructive Criticism is always welcome!
> 
>  
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	14. In Which Things Go From Bad, To Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan's a disaster, Jared doesn't help, and Alana's getting even more stressed.

Alana sat at Evan's desk, an unimpressed stare on her face as the boy threw out different shirts and pants, some of them hit the floor, but most of them were able to land on his bed, where Jared had lounged himself.

"Why are you panicking about this again? The date isn't until the weekend." Jared said boredly, lifting up two identical polos with confusion. "And most of these shirts are the same. What the fuck?"

"I believe that everyone has the right to wear what they want," Alana said confidentially, smoothly dodging a pair of denim jeans that had been thrown her way.

From his wardrobe, she heard Evan groan in frustration, turning to them with a frown. "I- I have a lot to panic about! I'm going on a date with Zoe Murphy."

"Yeah..." Jared drawled out slowly, "you're going on a date with Zoe Murphy, who you've liked for a long time."

Evan paused, a dreamy smile playing on his lips. "I'm going on a date with Zoe Murphy..."

Alana sighed, trying to keep herself composed. "Yes, we _have_ established that Evan is indeed going on a date with Zoe Murphy. Are we done now?"

"No!" Evan squeaked out, "I don't know how to do this kind of stuff!"

If Alana were anyone else, she would've laughed along with Jared at the sight of Evan humiliating himself. But she could honestly relate to him in the area of romance, though, she was smart about it. She was purposely vague about her own (nonexistent) love life, unlike Evan, who decided to scream it across the entire street while hyperventilating.

It also didn't help when she felt jealousy cloud through her mind at their current predicament. Her pride was too important for her to say no to Evan's invite to watch him freak out over gelling his hair on his date with Alana's "crush".

She didn't want to let Jared (or anyone for the matter) know how deeply this truly affected her. Along with it being embarrassing, it was also depressing.

"This is just sad," Jared commented, staring at Evan blankly as he babbled on about who was paying for dinner.

"-I mean, I wanna be a gentleman, but would that be sexist? Since- since it's stereotyping Zoe as someone who can't make her own money? And it's rude to make _her_ pay for i-"

"Evan," Alana said sharply, cutting through his words like a hot knife. He stopped, looking at her nervously. "Just split the bill. Zoe doesn't care whether you pay for her or not, if you're not rude about it, then you should be fine either way. Calm down."

"Have you met Evan? He's never calm." Jared said.

Alana rolled her eyes, standing up and walking over to the bed, where most of the clothes were. Okay, so Jared really wasn't lying when he said that most of Evan's shirts were the same. "Just be casual." She said, picking up a maroon shirt from the corner of the bed. From under it, a familiar black hoodie laid, and she blinked slowly, picking it up. "Why do you have Connor's hoodie?"

It was comical how wide Evan's eyes went along with the grin that stretched across Jared's face, he laughed, looking at Evan in great amusement. "You have Murphy's hoodie? I swear you two are fucking."

"That's not- no!" Evan sputtered, snatching the hoodie out of Alana's hands. "I'm going on a date w-"

"With Zoe. We know Evan. Jared's just being... Jared." She said, waving her hand dismissively. Alana did see what Jared was saying though; she was blind to romance, but she still had eyes.

"Wow, thanks."

"But besides that," she picked up the same maroon shirt from before and handed it to Evan, "have fun, and relax."

"I don't think I can do that?" Evan said though it came out as more of a question.

"Yes you can! It's Zoe. It'll be just like talking to her on any normal occasion."

Evan only stared at her in confusion.

Jared groaned, shaking his head. "What she's trying to say, is that you should just pretend that you're going out as friends."

"But... We're not."

"So?" Alana picked up a random pair of jeans from the desk that she thought would suit the maroon shirt and gave them to Evan. "The only difference is that you may..." She winced, trying to push the mental image out of her head.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Jared frown, and he turned to Evan. "You may end up getting a kiss at the end of the date."

"It's the first date though!"

"We're in the twenty-first century. No one cares about that kind of stuff anymore."

"I do." Alana protested.

"Exactly," Evan said, looking down at the shirt and jeans. "Is this okay?"

"I picked it out for a reason. I think it's fine." Alana mumbled. She wasn't trying to get annoyed at Evan, it just wasn't fair how pessimistic he was being about the whole ordeal. If she was the one going on the date with Zoe, she would've been jumping for joy.

But she wasn't going on a date with Zoe. She wasn't going to hear her solo music live on the weekend. She wasn't going to be the one persisting to pay for dinner (despite her beliefs on splitting the bill). It was Evan.

He apparently noticed her shift in mood and looked at her quietly, an unreadable expression on his face. After a moment, he laughed awkwardly, playing with a loose string on his shirt. "Well, umm, at least you know who my crush is now, huh?"

If Evan wasn't so socially awkward, Alana would've thought that he was mocking her.

Jared laughed to diffuse the growing tension, though it sounded forced. He knew quite well of Alana's predicament, even if they hadn't talked about it. There wasn't much to say about it after all, except that she and Connor were pretty much fucked (not literally).

"Yeah! I guess I do!"

Alana's cheeks hurt again.

* * *

Alana stared at the sheet of paper in front of her with blatant concentration. She tapped the bottom of her pen against her chin while twisting one of her braids in her finger.

She looked out the open window intensely, trying to distract her thoughts while staring at the stars. There weren't many out tonight, only a few dotted beams of light twinkling against the indigo blanket. Alana wasn't sure what time it was, only that she had developed a routine. Look down at the paper, then out the window; repeat.

Why did the stars remind her so much of Zoe? It was like everything she looked at set off a trigger in her head of the brunette. This surely couldn't be healthy.

Alana guessed it didn't matter anymore though. She stood up from her desk to close the window, but paused, deciding to lean against the ledge.

The sky was beautiful. Alana had always preferred night to day despite being a morning person, and of course, being more active in the morning. There was still something to the dark night sky that drew her to it, however.

She wanted to touch it, feel the sky melt between her fingers, and get engulfed in its darkness. Alana made the bold decision to step up onto her window ledge. Ignoring all dangers and focusing solely on the moon. Maybe if she looked hard enough, she could see galaxies upon galaxies rotating against each other in complete tranquillity.

She leaned forward, her grip on the edges of window panels loosening dangerously. Alana felt a swift gust of wind blow the bottom of her nightgown up.

Why was she so calm? She was never calm. There was no screaming voice in her mind, there were no more thoughts of Zoe, or really anyone for that matter. It was just her, and the strong impulse to step forward.

Her leg extended from the ledge slowly, as if she was in a dramatic scene from a movie. None of this felt dramatic though. It felt painfully natural, like she was familiar with actions such as these.

How high up was she? Her house wasn't as tall as a tree or a skyscraper. But it felt like it would be enough if she got her body to fall at the right angle where her skull would collide against the pavement with a sickening crack.

_Do it._

She looked down.

Once realising what she was doing, Alana quickly scrambled back into her room. Her ankle, of course, got caught on the edge of the window, and it twisted horribly. She hissed, tugging her entire leg in and shutting the window frantically, her breathing rigid.

_What am I doing?_

Alana looked down at her ankle, ignoring the sharp sting that travelled up her leg when she tried to move it. She guessed that whatever she needed to write down could wait until tomorrow.

She sunk down on her bed. It was peculiar how her pillows could still smell like Zoe's shampoo even days after they'd had their sleepover. It gave Alana a sense of comfort and distracted her mind from what had just happened a few minutes before.

Alana thought that in situations such as these, people's mind would race and they'd panic about their failure to properly kill themselves. She just felt normal. There wasn't any fear, or anger. There was just Alana.   
Like it always was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I don't know how this chapter went from kinda light-hearted to Alana contemplating suicide. Of course, I don't believe that it's solely Zoe and Evan that make her feel like that, but it just slightly nudges her to get worse.  
> Besides that, if you couldn't tell, I've run out of pre-written chapters. I know, the horror.  
> Updating schedule is kinda not working anymore either! So I'll just switch it to this:  
> I'll update when the chapter's done, which could take quite a while.  
> Anyways, I think that's all!  
> Constructive Criticism is always welcome!
> 
>  
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	15. In Which Alana Learns The Importance Of Minding Her Own Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana tries to follow Evan and Zoe and their date.  
> (Spoiler: things don't go as planned)

Alana wasn't looking at Connor; instead, she had her eyes set on two figures who who had lounged themselves at one of the nearby tables. Evan stirred what seemed to be his hot chocolate while mumbling something incoherent. Alana couldn't tell, his lips were just barely moving. From the intent and curious look on Zoe's face though, it did confirm that she was listening to something that he was saying.

Evan had taken Alana's advice when getting dressed though, since he was adorning the same maroon shirt and jeans she had picked out. Alana hated to admit that he actually looked good in her outfit choice. He couldn't compare to Zoe however, who was wearing a pair of jeans with a white tank top and a denim jacket. Instead of clipping her hair back like she usually did, her brown waves were tied up in a messy ponytail.

Why did she have to be so pretty? Alana was sure that she was drooling, which was disgusting in its own sense.

"Why did I need to know that? Was that supposed to be important?" Connor said, breaking her out from her thoughts; Alana really had to stop saying them out loud.

"Well I want to know what they're talking about!" She protested, taking out a packet of moist towelettes from her purse. Connor stared blankly as Alana wiped her disposal coffee cup down before taking a sip of it, scrunching her nose and adding another packet of sugar to the black liquid.

"And people call _me_ a psycho," he muttered under his breath, slumping down in the seat of his booth even further. Alana however, wasn't listening. Zoe suddenly burst out into laughter from her and Evan's table, covering her mouth to contain her small snorts. Evan looked down at his drink with a shy smile, drawing circles along the lid.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Alana asked hysterically. Connor hadn't been paying attention to her, just staring at his own (black) coffee, until he was suddenly face-to-face with Alana, who had laid her entire midriff across the table to get close to him. Connor choked, leaning back from her to create as much distance between them as humanely possible within the booth.

"Jesus fucking C-"

"What could Evan had said that's so funny? Why hasn't Zoe sang yet? Why is this booth so dirty?!" She questioned, staring at the dirt induced crevices within the linen booth couches.

"And why are you being so creepy?" Connor said loudly, pushing her back down into her seat. Alana gasped, putting a finger over her lips and shushing him.

"Shhhh! They'll hear you!" She whispered harshly.

Connor scoffed, "God forbid, especially with you talking like you're in a baseball stadium."

Just as Alana was about to reply, Zoe got up from her seat, grinning mischievously at Evan before grabbing the guitar case that had been sat next to her. Alana looked away from Connor just in time to see Zoe start setting up her instrument. The brunette tapped the microphone, saying a few random words into it before nodding.

There really wasn't that many other residents at the café. From what Alana could see, there was an elderly couple, a young woman and a teenage boy sitting at different sides of the room, all of them not noticing Zoe.

The brunette didn't seem to care though as she started strumming a string of simple chords. The tune was ordinary and foreign to Alana, which either meant Zoe was playing an original song, or that she was playing some toned down pop song, since Alana wasn't familiar with anything from the genre.

When Zoe started singing, her voice was rough and scratchy, maybe due to no prior vocal exercises, but it added an odd sort of charm to the song. Her eyes were focused on her guitar, that same half-smile gracing her lips as she muttered the bridge.

_"A little pain goes a long way,_  
_Stretching through your heart_ _'till_ _it goes grey,_  
_And when you think it's gone it erupts,_  
_Stretching through your flesh_ _'till_ _it corrupts."_

Something about the strain on Zoe's voice made Alana frown, the song probably hit close to home with her. She wished she could go up there to embrace the brunette, but she couldn't ruin Zoe's act or give herself away.

_"With wings I still can't fly on my own,_  
_Not okay with this isolation,_  
_They feel as though they're made of stone,_  
_Can't live with this separation."_

The quality of the song wasn't all that great, it was sufficiently plain. But the pure emotion that ran through Zoe's voice made shivers run down Alana's spine. She had to resist the urge to clap loudly when Zoe was done too, which wasn't ideal.

"She's really good." Connor said, Alana turned to look at him and found surprise written on his features. As if he didn't know his own sister's talent.

"Of course she is!" Alana chirped. "But we're not here for that, keep focused."

"Says the only who's staring at her as if she's just cured cancer."

She gasped, "that's nothing to joke about!"

Connor sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, clearly frustrated. "Why am I here, Alana?" He also didn't seem to want to talk anymore with Alana than he already had to, from his blunt question.

"Because we're here to observe our partners' 'date'." Alana scrunched her nose at her words, watching while Zoe climbed off the stage, smiling carelessly as she sat back down with Evan, who looked like he just saw an angel.

"They're not ours though." Connor said blankly.

"Not yet!" She replied, digging her pristine nails into the wooden table. "Stop looking so miserable! You're going to give us away!"

Connor rolled his eyes. "And these costumes haven't?" He gestured to his big, dorky glasses and hipster styled beanie he'd been forced to wear. "We look like we live in Starbucks."

"The theatre department doesn't get _that_ much funding! I had to work with what they had!" Alana protested.

"...You stole these?"

"Of course not!" She adjusted her glasses, moving a few wisps of blonde hair (from her wig) out of her face. "I simply borrowed them!"

Connor stared at her with a mix of confusion and embarrassment. "You're-"

"Oh! They're getting up now!" Alana cut in. Evan scrambled up from his chair to pull Zoe's out. The brunette laughed and shook her head, standing up in a more graceful manner and picking up her guitar case, kissing Evan's cheek lightly.

Alana was sure that Evan's face was redder than a cherry at this point. He smiled in a way that made it look like he couldn't comprehend what had just happened, and his fingers grazed over the place where Zoe's lips had touched, before squealing happily, not seeming to care about anyone else as her ran to catch up with Zoe, who was placing her guitar case in the backseat of her Volvo from what Alana could see from the window.

Alana felt the crevices of her nails dig further into the wood of the table as nauseating pain passed through her stomach. She grit her teeth but forced a bright smile anyway. "Come on! Let's see where they're going!" The girl stood up, waiting for Connor to mirror her stance impatiently.

"No."

Alana froze, turning to Connor with confusion. "What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean no, as in I'm done." He said seriously, wretching the glasses and the beanie off his body and slamming them down onto the table. "I feel fucking ridiculous doing this."

Alana gasped, "be careful with those!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Connor asked tiredly, seeming to ignore Alana's earlier statement.

"Waiting for you to move so we can follow Evan and Zoe, of course!" She tilted her head, clearly confused.

"That's _weird!_ " Connor snapped, standing up in his place and glaring down at Alana. "Why the fuck can't we just leave them alone for their fucking date?!"

Alana was aware that they had attracted a few people's attention, she didn't seem to care though. "Because we need to stop them fr-"

"From what?! Having fun? Kissing eachother? Fucking?" Connor huffed, clenching his fists tightly.

"Yes! We're stopping them from doing anything too proactive!"

"Do you hear yourself? You think you're in this magical teenage movie where she'll suddenly like you back for no reason. Well you're not!" Connor tugged at his hair roughly, "I was pissed at Evan too when I first found out. But you know what I realised? That it's _his_ business who he goes out with! It's the same with Zoe."

"What?" Alana asked, "you agreed to do this with me! I didn't force you!"

"Well now I've realised just how fucked this is!" He snarled at her threateningly. "You can continue this if you want, I'm not going to fuck my relationship up even more with Zoe though. Maybe you should think that too." Connor seethed, turning on his heel and starting to storm out of the café, leaving Alana alone with a gaping sense of shock and anger.

"Where are you going?!" She demanded, glaring at him.

"To slay a fucking dragon." He deadpanned.

"Connor, be serious!"

"What makes you think I'm not being serious?" He scoffed, laughing harshly, opening the door.

In a great state of panic and frustration, Alana couldn't help but call out, "I'm not even messing anything up with Zoe! You don't even know her!" As soon as Alana shouted those words, she regretted them. Connor seemed to stop in his tracks for a moment, and he tensed up visibly, before continuing on with his journey out of the café.

As soon as he left, Alana was aware of all the eyes that watched her with curiousity and annoyance. She suddenly felt naked, not in the way that a person feels when they've removed their clothes; but in a way that stripped her of her confidence and eagerness.

So maybe she had fucked up her friendship(?) With Connor. That was okay, they didn't talk much. The only thing they could really connect with is having their crushes not like them back. Besides, it wasn't as though Alana had actively done anything wrong! She was just checking up on Zoe and Evan's date. Nothing wrong with that.

She simply had no clue why Connor reacted the way he did. But she needed to make her way out of the café to catch up with Zoe and Evan fast. Connor would have to wait. Zoe was a priority.

Making sure not to leave the hat and the glasses, she quickly hurried out to the parking lot, finding her dad's sunny yellow car and speed walking to it. Alana slid into the vehicle and started it up, anticipating for where the pair could've went.

_"So where do you think we should go?" Zoe asked boredly, not looking up from her phone._

_"Why not eat at the café?"_

_"That's boring. I wanna be exciting, adventurous!"_

_"Well... There is a new Indian restaurant that opened not too far from the café? It'll be a short drive, and it's cheap."_

_"_ _Hmmm_ _, I'll look it up. Thanks 'Lana."_

Alana tapped the name of the restaurant into her GPS, twisting the key and gripping the wheel securely as the car started to move.

When she got to the restaurant, her eyes grazed over all the residents who sat there, trying to find Evan and Zoe. Her goal was to not look too suspicious, but it was getting to be difficult when the line she was waiting in was getting shorter and shorter.

Were they even here? Alana not so subtly swam away the the restroom just as she was going to get seated. She couldn't waste her money all for nothing. That would've also been humiliating, as what teenager goes to a fancy(ish) restaurant by themselves?

The girl looked in the mirror, running her hands through the blonde wig she was simply delighted to wear when she was scavenging through the old box of the theatre department, relishing in its silky softness. She was much too anxious about wearing contacts to put them in, but she made up for that with her full face of makeup that she had to actually ask Jared to do for her.

(It didn't even turn out bad. If Alana wasn't so stubborn, she would've admitted that the make up job was good.)

With one final sigh, she left the restroom, having no choice but to go to the back of the line in order to get seated.

After the semi-long wait she had been forced to endure, she was finally seated at a single table, highlighting the fact that she was here alone with no one else. The one upside to coming here was that the food was indeed as cheap as she said it would be. Though Alana didn't even touch the menu as her head whipped from side to side, as if she were a goddamn owl, trying to look for Zoe and Evan.

After two minutes, a waitress came to ask what drink she wanted. In the heat of the moment, Alana foolishly uttered out the words, "orange juice". Judging by the surprised look on the waitress' face, she hadn't been expecting a grown up looking girl to want such an option. Alana wasn't even certain if the place served orange juice.

They did. By the time the waitress brought the drink back, Alana had picked up the menu with a defeated sigh. A sinking feeling dropped in her stomach as she stared at the options on the menu, not even registering them in her head until the waitress' probing eyes were on her again, asking what she wanted.

Without thinking, Alana said the first option she saw on the menu, and grimaced. She was well aware of how many calories were in butter chicken, but she was much too jittery and bouncy to ask the waitress to stop writing down the order and to give her more time to try and see something healthier on the menu.

As her order was getting prepared, Alana was well aware of everyone who was staring at her with probing eyes. Of course, she liked the attention most of the time, but now it just felt as if every eye was undressing her, mocking and poking at her for being such a fool.

She was about to stand up, holding back tears before another person sat at the table with her.

"So what's your story?"

She blinked in shock, staring at the guy who had seated himself so shamefully in front of her with wide, ghostly eyes, too shocked to say anything for a minute.

"What?" She asked dumbly, suddenly at a loss for words.

"I asked-"

"I _know_ what you asked, sir, but I'm just wondering in what world do you sit with a person you don't know when eating at a restaurant?" After the initial wave of shock, Alana's voice was firm, and she stared at the boy (who looked roughly around her age) hardly.

He hummed, leaning back in his seat, "in a world where you look like you just got stood up for a date, and I'm only trying to be a helping hand by asking what's up."

"Well with all due respect, sir, I don't need you doing that for me, as noble as that is." Alana spoke slowly, trying to figure out this boy's intentions. "If you're trying to play through that cliché 'I saw you get stood up for a date, now I'm going to sit and pretend I'm dating you to not make you look so foolish' trope, then it's not working."

Alana expected many things to happen next. She expected the boy to snarl at her and stand up from his chair angrily, making a declaration about how much of a "tease" she was. She expected her orange juice to get thrown in her face. She even expected the boy to persist in trying to get a date out of her.

What she didn't expect, however, was for him to burst into fits of laughter, belting as if he'd heard the funniest joke on earth. Alana sat there, gaping like a fish as he ran his hands through his dark hair in a way that could turn any straight man gay.

After his laughter died down, he stared at Alana with amusement and mischief in his eyes, a charming grin stretched across his face to reveal a classic dazzling smile. "As romantic as that sounds, my last few boyfriends would argue against that."

Oh.

Alana felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment. This night was just going perfect for her, as it seemed. She had lost one of her (potential?) Friends, made herself look like a fool in not only one, but two public places, lost Zoe and Evan, and now she had just assumed this boy's sexual orientation when he had only tried to boost her spirits.

She was a horrible person.

"I am _so_ sorry sir-"

"Miguel."

Alana paused, "pardon?"

"My name. It's Miguel." He stuck his hand out to shake hers politely, and she wrapped her fingers around his palm a little too tightly for comfort. Alana was aware of how sticky and sweaty her hands were, most likely from the previous shame and anxiousness she had felt when sitting alone. Miguel didn't seem to mind that though, as he shook her hand lightly. "And it's fine, happens to me all the time."

"Still, I shouldn't have assumed." Alana frowned, playing with the sleeves of her sequin covered shirt.

He sighed, "one of those nights?"

Alana laughed dryly, taking a small sip of her orange juice, as if it being in a glass instead of a carton was any less childish. "How could you tell?"

"Like I said before, you look like you just got stood up. But looking at the obviously fake wig and weird clothes, I'm guessing that's not the case?" How was he so good at this? Alana didn't even bother to hide her mortification as she ripped off her wig, taking her thick braids out of the wig cap and pulling the sequinned top off, revealing a plain white undershirt. She probably looked like a slapper or a crossdresser to the regular people in the restaurant. She however, was far too drunk on orange juice to care at this point.

Miguel smirked, making a humorous wolf-whistle as Alana stuffed the shirt in her bag. She let a slight smile play at her lips as she looked back at him. He didn't seem at all phased by her sudden change in appearance. "You still haven't told me your name."

"Oh, of course! Sorry, my mistake." She coughed, separating her braids that got tangled within eachother. "It's Alana."

"Well, pleasure to meet you Alana." Miguel leaned forward, resting his arms against the table and staring at her intensely. His smile was gone, and a serious look graced his features. "Now spill."

She chuckled quietly, "you sound like a teenage girl."

He shrugged. "Takes one to know one." His gaze didn't falter, and it was clear that there was no worming her way out of this as she swirled the orange substance around in her glass.

"My 'crush' likes someone else." She said shortly, trying to keep it vague yet forward all at the same time.

Miguel winced visibly. "Ouch, how'd you find that one out?"

"From the fact that she's out on a date with him as we speak."

"So you tried to follow them?"

Surprisingly, Miguel's gaze didn't seem to be mocking, or amused, or even sympathetic. He just looked at her with a sense of understanding.

Alana nodded, her throat too dry to outright admit it. She was now realising why Connor had gotten as angry as he did at her for doing this. It was indeed weird, and if Zoe and Evan had caught her, then she was sure that the brunette would be less than pleased to find out that her supposed best friend was following her on her date.

"I know, creepy, right?" She was hoping that maybe if she had enough guts to admit it to herself, then she wouldn't feel as terrible as she did then. Spoiler alert: it only managed to make her feel worse.

Miguel shrugged, "I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, it's creepy." Alana winced visibly, at least he was honest about it, "but I see where you're coming from."

"You... Do?"

"Mhmm. You're worried that the date is going to work out for them, that they'll actually form a relationship out of it. That's why you're following them, despite there being no logical answer to why." Miguel picked up one of the menus, flipping through it carelessly in a way that made it clear how he wasn't going to order anything. "But yeah, on the other hand, your friend isn't solely reserved to you. If she doesn't like you, then you should get over her."

She sighed, tugging at her braids shamefully, "it's not that easy."

"Believe me," he set the menu back down on the table, staring at her in a way that made her squirm, "I know."

Alana took a sip of her juice, not daring to ask about the implications of that phrase while avoiding eye contact with Miguel. When the waitress came with Alana's food, she seemed surprised by Miguel's presence, scrambling and apologising for not asking if Alana was with someone.

"It's okay," he said to the worried waitress, she paused, staring at him with uncertainty. "I'm only stopping by, not long enough to have my order taken."

She nodded, apologising once again before walking off. Alana turned back to him, picking up her fork and stabbing a piece of chicken with it, shovelling it into her mouth with as much grace as a princess. "So, may I ask why you're here?"

"Well, I actually had a date tonight, believe-it-or-not." Miguel told her, slouching in his seat, "let's just say it didn't work out."

"So you just decide to bother other painfully single people here to not seem as sad?" Alana looked at him with amusement. That was apparently his cue to sit back up and throw her the most cheesy display of finger guns she had seen in her life.

"Exactly."

Alana let herself actually smile softly at him as she devoured her meal with little to no worries on the calorie intake for most of the time she was eating.

"So, am I ever going to see you again?" That sounded corny, Alana tried not to cringe at herself.

Miguel hummed, "tell you what, if you ever need someone to talk to again, just go to the bakery on the west side of town, you know, the one with-"

"The Honeytree bakery?" Alana laughed.

Miguel groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "My mom picked the name. I know, it's embarrassing."

"No no no! I believe it's sweet, I've been there before with my grandmother." Alana said delicately, reaching across the table to hold his hand once again. In truth, she hadn't been to that bakery ever since her grandmother hadn't been stable enough to walk out of the house by herself. It stung too much to step foot in there without her.

"I'll think about it." She told him. Sometimes, it was okay to try and move on, even if it did hurt.

Miguel noticed her change in mood, and drew light circles around her palm in a tranquil attempt to comfort Alana. Surprisingly, it did help her to relax, and she felt significantly better than how she did earlier that night. She looked at him with appreciation. "Thank you."

He smiled. A sincere, genuine smile. And that was all Alana needed at that moment.

"My pleasure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this was an idea I've had ever since I started writing this story. I don't know, it was such a bizarre concept that I had to write it down. And honestly, I'm not disappointed with how it turned out. I'm still overly paranoid when writing Connor though, it's frustrating.  
> Miguel however is quite an open book character, he's described vaguely and has very little dialogue in the novel, so that means I could mold his personality to how I desired.  
> Of course, why wouldn't I make him a smartass? He reminds me of Jared in a way, only more charming. And tall.  
> Also, with Zoe's song, I am not good at writing song lyrics, I will admit that now. I basically just tried to write a poem, and it ended up coming out kinda cheesy. But oh well!  
> Oh! And I almost forgot to mention! Since a certain someone lives in England, your girl is going to see DEH in London next year. I know, be jealous. We always love London casts! Just look at the OG London cast of Hamilton.  
> But besides all that, constructive criticism is always welcome! And until next time!
> 
>  
> 
> Sincerely, me!


	16. In Which Zoe Learns The Importance Of Wearing Jeans When Going On Hikes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana's life is falling apart. While Zoe has never felt better.

Alana had structured a plan. It was definitely supposed to be foolproof, nothing could break the solid structure of it.

Operation _HTGASDWZM_ hadn't worked out in the slightest. Alana definitely blamed her failure to obtain Zoe with sweet, slow romantic gestures because of her miscalculations, no doubt. That had to be the only reason why.

So, with a red Sharpie in her right hand, she wrote in big bold letters across a new sheet of paper _"how to get over Zoe Murphy."_

_Step One - ignore her._

* * *

They were both laughing about something completely foreign to Alana. She tightened her hand around her plastic fork, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

Instead of taking her usual seat by Alana, Zoe had decided to sit next to Evan this lunch, effectively making Connor have to sit next to Alana and Jared, as he watched them too.

"That's so cool!" Zoe chirped, brushing her hair behind her ear as she smiled at Evan with as much softness as a pillow. "You'll have to take me there sometime!"

Evan looked down shyly, seeming to be surprised by hearing Zoe's request. "You'd really want to?"

Zoe shifted, sliding closer to him so that their hips were touching. She grabbed Evan's hand and drew small circles into his knuckles. "Of course I would."

From beside Alana, she heard Connor scoff, muttering under his breath, "never even been interested in nature before this."

Alana looked at Jared, who was smartly not paying attention to the group, or maybe he was just pretending. Whatever he was doing, he could obviously sense tension between the foursome, and combined with his additional knowledge on everyone's "crushes", it was safe to say that he had no idea what to do in the situation.

Alana took a deep breath, putting the lid back onto her pasta container. She stood up, plastering on her best fake smile. "I have to get to debate club now!"

No one payed attention to her. Evan and Zoe didn't even notice what she said, Connor kept glaring at them from across the table, and Jared simply nodded, keeping his eyes glued to the phone.

Alana casted her eyes downwards, shoving her container into her backpack, making her way out the cafeteria.

Of course they wouldn't have noticed. Why would they?

After making her way down the empty hallways, she found herself stood in front of the debate club room (or more specifically, one of the English classrooms, since the school had shitty funding).

Alana closed her eyes tightly, before swinging the door open. Of course debate club was for after school, but with the prom committee and school council eating up all her time, Alana opted to start going at lunch. It's not as if she had any friends to miss her.

Acquaintances, she had reduced the group to. It stung a little. But it was for the best. Connor was completely ignoring Alana, which she had no idea how to react to. Evan was constantly with Zoe now, and it was too depressing to talk to Jared alone anymore. Alana didn't want to put up with Jared making fun of her for losing her "crush" to Evan fucking Hansen, of all people.

It wasn't that Evan was bad. But... It was Evan.

Fucking.

Hansen.

She didn't like that name as much anymore.

At the end of the day, Jared was finally able to corner Alana while she was trying to balance the stacks upon stacks of books that she needed to stuff into her already cramped bag. She didn't notice him coming over until his voice rang out across the emptying halls.

"Done avoiding me now?" He leaned against a locker beside her own. Alana jumped out of her own skin, dropping all of her books.

She threw an irritated glance at Jared, adjusting her glasses carefully before crouching down to gather them all in her hands again. "I have no idea what you're instigating."

"Bullshit."

Alana sighed, standing up, before dropping another pile of books. Why couldn't she just slam her head into the lockers while she was at it?

"I sat with you at lunch, Jared. That does not mean I'm avoi-"

"You know what I mean!"

Just as she was about to bend down to pick the books up, Jared was already holding them out to her. Alana blinked, surprise evident on her face as she took the books from him hesitantly.

He took a deep breath, seeming to think over his next words carefully, which was a surprise, since it was Jared.

"Is this all about the love of your life, Zoe Murphy dating Evan by any chance?"

Alana didn't comment on the first part of his sentence, instead opting to focus on stuffing the rest of her books into her bag. "How could you tell?"

"Connor's been pissy all day too. He's actually _talking_ to me for once."

"He doesn't usually talk to you?" Alana asked.

"...We debate."

"So, you both fight."

"Yeah, pretty much."

Alana finally managed to fit all of her books in her bag without completely bending them at least. She zipped it up and threw it over her shoulders, distantly noting on its heaviness.

"Listen, Jared, I have to get the prom committee, if you please. Now stop bothering me." She smiled brightly at him, not waiting for his response as she turned on her heel and skipped away from him.

From behind her, she heard Jared scoff. "No need to be bitchy about it." He called out from across the empty hallway. Alana turned to face him in shock to find that he'd already left.

Perfect.

* * *

Zoe would admit to herself that she wasn't a nature person. She liked to see herself as someone who was open to new ideas and thoughts, but even she had her limits, especially when it came to the sharp chunks of tree bark grazing against her ankles threateningly, and the hot sun hitting her skin at full force. It felt as though if she spent any longer out here her flesh would disintegrate into ash (in a less gruesome way).

All in all, she was miserable. Her clothes clung to her skin, and she was baffled how Evan seemed completely fine.

That was the only upside to this though. Evan. Considering she had started speaking to him way more now ever since their date. It was like everything just clicked and fell into place.

Although, Zoe did note how she was spending less time with Alana. And her relationship with Connor seemed strained for some weird reason. He wasn't acting aggressive like he used to, but he wasn't actively trying to spend time with her anymore. He just constantly seemed tense.

She decided not to worry about it for the time being. She'd ask him about it later.

Zoe also liked spending time with Alana, but of course, she didn't like her in the same way she liked Evan. Whereas she never spent much time with Jared in the first place.

She'd never been more content with life, how had she never noticed Evan beforehand? He seemed so... Perfect.

Okay, so that wasn't realistic. But honestly, he was so sweet and constantly made sure that she was okay. So Zoe could put up with getting her clothes caught on waxy leaves and tree stems tugging at her socks if Evan wanted.

"What are you staring at?"

Zoe broke away from her thoughts to see Evan looking at her with a hint of curiosity and nervousness. She hadn't realised she'd been staring, which was embarrassing in itself.

"My beautiful boyfriend, obviously." She replied with a grin, masking her mortification. Light traces of redness crossed Evan's cheeks for a few seconds, and he coughed awkwardly, trying to fill in the silence with any sort of noise.

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?"

"... That I'm your beautiful boyfr-?"

_"Girlfriend."_

They laughed. That was soon stopped when Zoe snarled in disgust as she watched a spider crawl up her arm. She was about to squish the creature with her thumb before Evan carefully plucked the spider off her limb, releasing it onto the ground.

"You know, Evan, there's such thing as being 'too nice'." Zoe teased, rubbing the spot where the spider had been.

"Well, the spider deserves to live!" He protested, ignoring the girl's head shake.

"You're cute." She commented absentmindedly, making Evan cover his face.

"Zoe, oh my God!"

"I'm just saying!"

"Well... You're cute too, if that counts for anything."

"It does. Thanks, Ev."

"You're welcome... Zo."

Zoe hummed, leaning against him, resting her head on his chest. She faintly registered the brief vibration of her phone in her jean pocket, but didn't bother to check it.

_I'll see who it is later._

Evan seemed to be bold for a moment, since the next thing that Zoe knew, his fingers were running through her hair. Curtains of chocolate locks intertwined with Evan's soft fingers, and they seemed to curl around the digits effortlessly, before dropping back across Zoe's shoulders.

"Have you talked to Connor recently?"

Zoe blinked, surely not expecting that question.

"No, why?"

"Just... Checking?" There was nervousness laced into Evan's words. Zoe narrowed her eyes, staring at Evan as if she was searching for the answer to a brutal math question.

"Has he said anything about me to you?" She asked slowly.

Evan frowned, "well, that would be kinda difficult? Since... We're kinda not talking at the moment?"

Zoe would have questioned it, really. But as soon as Evan mentioned Connor, his whole demeanor changed, and he instantly tensed up.

Yeah, so from experience, it probably wasn't best to ask.

"How about you and Alana?"

Zoe paused for a moment, thinking over her next words carefully.

"We're not talking either."

Evan frowned, opening his mouth to say something, before stopping himself. Zoe thanked him silently for not pressing on the matter. That got her to question herself though.

Why wasn't she talking to Alana?

This wasn't like the situation that happened a few weeks ago, where Alana had withheld Connor's injury to Zoe. It wasn't as though Alana had done anything else to hurt Zoe. She was just acting normal.

In conclusion, Zoe didn't know the answer to that question.

Maybe it was simply because they grew apart. Alana seemed to be doing just fine without Zoe too, which was always good to see. And they still sat at the same table for lunch. It wasn't like they stopped talking altogether.

Zoe was broken from her thoughts as Evan rubbed her shoulder, staring at her worriedly, "hey, are you alright?"

"Yeah." Zoe nodded, "I'm just thinking, that's all."

"Oh."

"So, why don't you tell me about the park?" She asked, and Evan perked up enthusiastically.

That was a good sign, especially when he started ranting, which meant that Zoe had time to think quietly.

She liked Evan. Not his rants though. She could still listen, it wouldn't be fair on him if she didn't.

When they left, the car ride was filled with comfortable silence. Zoe noticed Evan squeezing his arm from the corner of her eye, as if he was trying to stop the blood flow.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

He seemed to jump at the question, turning towards her, "what?"

"With your arm?"

Evan looked down at the limb, as if suddenly realising what he was doing. He let go of it, clearing his throat.

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

When they got to his house, Zoe persisted on walking Evan to his door. Although he resisted at first, he soon gave in.

They both stood at the porch awkwardly, not knowing what to say to eachother. Zoe looked around the garden, noting every curl of the wild flower stems. She was staring at anything really, just to not look at Evan.

It wasn't because Zoe was feeling awkward, or nervous (okay, so maybe a little nervous). It was mainly because she was feeling _shy._

She rarely felt shy.

"So..." Evan drawled out, averting his eyes to Zoe's shoes.

"So...?" She repeated, a slight smile playing at her lips.

"I had a great time tonight."

"So did I."

Zoe stepped closer, deciding to be bold. She saw Evan's eyes widen slightly, but he didn't seem to be fidgeting as much, so that was a positive sign.

"Do you mind if I...?"

"What? Oh, not at all!" He smiled sheepishly, "sorry, I'm still just-"

"Trying to get used to things?" Zoe chuckled knowingly, "I get it. Luckily, you're not instigating the kiss this time."

"Luckily." Evan confirmed with a small smile, and Zoe took his words as a sign to lean in.

Soon their lips connected as if they were two lost pieces to a puzzle. She felt Evan relax against her and internally rejoiced, wrapping her arms around his neck in order to deepen the kiss.

After a few seconds, Evan took this as a sign to place his hands on Zoe's waist securely. He was an inexperienced kisser, she would've admitted, that didn't mean the kiss was bad though, just a little dry. They'd have to work on that.

When Zoe pulled back, Evan had a dazed look on his face, as if he still couldn't comprehend what the act of kissing was. It was an adorable sight on Zoe's part, and she couldn't force down a smile.

"See you tomorrow, Ev." She said, kissing his cheek, before turning away and skipping back to her car. When Zoe buckled in and looked back at the porch, Evan was still standing there, waving at her hesitantly.

Zoe laughed quietly, like it was her own personal secret that no one else could obtain. Once she started the car, she found herself thinking over the date, replaying certain scenes in her mind (especially the kiss) as if she had just come out of a movie theatre.

She stared at the beaming streetlights that passed her like they were firecrackers, trying to contain to giddy feeling in her chest. Zoe could honestly admit she hadn't felt like this ever since she was twelve and had gotten into her one direction phase.

Zoe shivered, she wasn't going to let her twelve year old self get in the way of her good mood.

And for the first time in a while, she was content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Honestly, I have not updated in a while, and I apologize.  
> Everyone always seems to have valid excuses for these sorts of things.  
> Well, I don't.  
> I'm just a generally lazy person :)  
> And besides that, I've looked back on some of the old chapters of this, and wow. I never truly saw how bad my writing really is!  
> But I'm of course not going to delete the story. That wouldn't be fair to anyone who's still actually reading this!  
> Plus, some of the lines in this story do continue to make me laugh.  
> Anyways, I would write more, but I'm too lazy for that.
> 
> And until next time!
> 
>  
> 
> Sincerely, me!


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